Cella's blog

Today while reading blogs here something hit me that I have 'known' all along but never quite put my finger on it...and that is, at least here in the states, psychiatry is not offered as support unless asked for. You can have your complete work-up, surgery, post surgery care, follow-up visits at home, follow-up visits everywhere, etc. All those services are 'built-ins' to the care. But one thing that is an absolute…

I have not blogged for awhile but I have been peeking at and reading blogs and posts daily. Some make me smile, laugh, cry. All the things I feel you all feel. There is a kind of sorority-belonging feeling about that...a soritity that none of us want to belong to but are so happy we do. I like the ordinary lives of some of the blogs in the face of extra-ordinary events in their lives. It amazes me how we go on.…

I have come to a realization (latent and out of denial/hope) that my cancer cannot be cured. Somehow I thought that my care team could make me all better. Why not? They make me feel better every time I have to see them. But now I know that I will never get better. How sad for me and everyone like me. How sad to know there is very little hope of a cure. My only hope is that I live longer than I think I have and…

Had chemo last Wednesday and I am still feeling it...nausea, numb tingling feet, tremulous hands, runny nose, can't breath right because of the pleural effusions the chemo is supposed to fix, can only sleep sitting up, can only eat small bits at a time, can only move one room to one room at a time with oxygen on. Ummm...this is not exactly my idea of living, 'ya know? Tired of the abdominal injections, tired of the…

Monday starts new chemo, carbo and alimpta. I was getting carbo/tax/avista, which was a trial and now I am out of the trial. The alimpta (usually for mesothelioma) is because we can't get rid of the fluid in my lungs. We shall see. I have been tapped about 14 or 15 times so far. About every one and a half weeks. I really can't do very much and haven't been able to do very much for quite awhile now. I walk 30' and…