Shock all over again

I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this, and sending all my love to you ️

My mum was diagnosed with serous endometrial cancer two weeks ago. We’ve just finished with the scans and waiting for more information. I’m feeling similar emotions for my mum, and feel like I’ve been in this heavy state of grief for the certainty and “peace” of life before my mum was diagnosed. I can’t bring much comfort but say I can relate to what you’re feeling, even though it’s not me going through it directly, I feel so much pain that this is the journey my mum has to walk on. 

I’ve always been a feeler so taking it much harder than the rest of my family who are getting on with things as much as they can and being positive whereas all I can think about is the cancer. My mum has moments where she feels quite overwhelmed and it breaks my heart cause I know she’s scared but I can’t take it away from her and I feel quite powerless. I can imagine your family and daughter may be feeling a similar way. Although I understand why she may feel that way, I wouldn’t want my mum to feel guilty at all. I’m seeing this as an opportunity to show the same love and care she’s shown me my whole life. All I want more than anything in the world is for her to be okay. There’s not much I can control but I want to do everything in my power to support her and be there for her. You are not causing your daughter pain, it’s the horrible disease of cancer that 1 in 2 people will eventually have.

I’ve been non stop crying for the last couple of weeks (but I’ve hid it from my mum as much as I can cause I know it’d break her heart) and having the same fears about her potentially not getting a chance to meet my children. The fear has been debilitating but I’ve tried to focus more on the present and all the things I’m happy my mum has been able to experience (like seeing me meet the love of my life), and that there’s still time for her to experience other moments and for us to make more memories. I can’t guarantee the long term future, but none of that was ever guaranteed in the first place, I can only focus on now. It can help calm me down at times even though the fear is still there. 

Each day feels like an emotional battle but we’re focusing on putting one foot in front of the other foot, and I think that’s all you can really do. It’s OK if you’re not always feeling positive, or feeling scared. You are not alone in those feelings at all. I’m slowly learning the things that help calm me down, like colouring books that stop my mind racing, comfort TV shows (my mum, boyfriend and I have binging Ted Lasso which has bought smiles to our faces) and also just sitting quietly with my mum while she watches the news. I’m sure your daughter is mainly thinking about spending more time with you cause that’s the only thing that’s giving me any comfort right now.

Big hugs again ️

I am sorry you are going through this and thank you for your response. You sound like a loving daughter. Sending you hugs and wishing your mum and family all the best xxx

Thank you xx 

Hi WriterLass, welcome to the rollercoaster ride of ups and downs! Please feel free to click on my name if you want to read my story but, in short, I had a hysterectomy for endometrial cancer in January 2022 and have been cancer-free since then. My cancer was restaged post histology from a predicted stage 1a to a stage 2 as a few stray cells were found on my cervix, so I had some “belt and braces” radio and brachy to cover me just in case there were any stray cells in my lymph nodes or where my cervix used to be. It sounds like your surgeon is being thorough and that’s great. 

Someone told me fairly early on that being positive was too exhausting and used up valuable energy and that it was better to be pragmatic - ie just focussing on getting done what needed to be done, one step at a time. Also to focus on WHAT IS rather than WHAT IF, ie what is known today and that’s it. It takes work, often daily, but it’s doable with practice, and I’ve carried that on post-cancer. I felt it was important for me to make a conscious decision not to be or think like a “victim”. Yes it was scary, overwhelming and caused a lot of anxiety, but I was determined to find a way through. I also decided early on that it was my responsibility to deal with it well so that my children would see me coping and not feel responsible for me, but could instead focus in dealing with their own reactions to it. I also wanted to be a good role model as to how to deal with serious illness - so I talked to my CNS 2-3 times a week, and also called the Macmillan helpline when I needed to take the edge of my anxiety. I learned ways of dealing with my anxiety so that I wasn’t leaning on others and tried to always come back to “why not me?” instead of “why me?” Talk to us here - we’ve all either been through it or are going through it. Get all the support you can. And you will find a way through, as we all do. 

Welcome ! 

We all understand how you are feeling .. it is a hell of rollercoaster of emotions...  for me personally I became totally detached ..completely numb I was emotionless..

I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer back in April 2024 I   had my hysteroscopy and was told nothing found all looks good biopsy just to confirm .. 

1 week later my life changed turning all our world  up side down 

.. After  an MRI in April I was given Stage 1 ..at the time it was never ever explained to me that this was a predicted staging ..I was told we caught it early more than likely no need for further treatment after my hysterectomy..

I had my total hysterectomy in July .12 weeks after diagnosis after being told minimum wait would be 8 weeks for op  ..

Three weeks later after post op biopsy of said  wombe etc . I recieved the news I was now Stage 3 .. total shock inssued. 

And the future held Radiotherapy and chemotherapy! 

Ct scan arranged to see if it had spread!'

Radiotherapy began 23 external radiotherapy and 2 Brakytherapy.. I had to waite 4 weeks for the result of my CT scan..which showed no spread ! !! 

Three weeks after radiotherapy finished my 4 chemotherapy cycles began  .

Lost my hair 14 days after my  first cycle  of chemotherapy.. lost my eye lashes ebrows thinned and nose hair and chin stubble lol 

I rang the bell in January..

My hair is growing back nicely I  have my eyelashes and eyebrows and sadly my chin stubble all back in place lol 

Back in April 24 I thought the road  ahead would never ever end ..All I can say is take one day at a time ..use this forum..if you have a CNS use them ..And stay of Google .. 

I wish every best wish for your journey ahead..try to stay positive and if you want a good cry go ahead and have one x  There is light at the end of tunnel ..

Best wishes Stella x 

I admire your response in dealing with this awful situation. I too refuse to be defined by this and try to rise above just being a 'patient.' I am determined to not let this overwhelm me and make the best of each and every day.