Thought I would as getting my head round it.

Hi Pa52

When I first had my diagnosis, I was quite up and down too. One day it was like I was coping, accepted the cancer and treatment and was positive about the future, the next day I was panicking and feeling very pessimistic. I think that it normal in the circumstances. I also get a dodgy tummy when anxious. 

Anxiety is hard to deal with at the best of times and it is hard to focus on much else when going through a cancer diagnosis and I also found any letters or contact from the hospital quite triggering. Even during my check up appointments, a routine letter would drop on the door mat and it would take me right back.

I found the stage between having the diagnosis and waiting to find out what happened next quite tough. Once I knew the provisional stage/grade etc and I had a plan for treatment and knew when and how it would happen- I did feel a bit more settled. It helped to have a date to work towards. For me, once I saw the consultant, things moved quickly. 

Maybe during this time try to sort the practical things ready for when you have your surgery. I did things like give the house a good clean (it will be tricky for a while), sort a big shop and stock up the cupboards, sort out some comfy clothes that you will want to wear while you are recovering, slippers for hospital- things like that can help you feel more in control. 

Try not to feel like you need to put a brave face on in front of your family and rather go with the flow with how your emotions are- when you bottle things up, it can make it feel more difficult to cope with things.

We are here if you need us and sometimes it does help just to vent on here. We also have the Support Line if you feel you want to talk things through. And if you have any questions or worries, do ask on here- we've been where you are now and know it isn't easy and want to support you.

Jane

Hi Pa52 

Vent away.

It's completely normal to feel some anxiety even uber practical me has felt some jitters. 

I  wouldn't worry about having a brave face in front of the family, let them support you even if it's just making a cuppa. I had a mini melt down in front of my son one day and he just gave me a hug which helped enormously. 

H

Hi Pa52, have you been in contact yet with your CNS nurse? I found mine very supportive, and also found the Macmillan helpline helpful when I needed the edge taken off my anxiety. You could also request that a CNS is present at your appointment or to see one straight afterwards. 

Hello MarmiteFan59.

I haven't got a CNS nurse. The only person I've met is my gynaecologist.

Hi again, this may be because you started off with having your hysteroscopy privately - when I got my hysteroscopy results (over the phone!) with my cancer diagnosis, the registrar gave me the number for the CNS so that I could get support if I wanted. You could always phone your gynaecologist’s secretary on Tuesday and ask for the CNS’s number and call her then,  or wait and ask at your appointment on Wednesday. CNS work office hours Monday to Friday (so probably not bank holiday Monday) and are there for support. When I called mine they were pleased I’d phoned and after that I tended to call them 2-3 times a week whenever I needed the edge taken off my anxiety. For me I considered it my responsibility to deal with my anxiety myself rather than putting it on my family. I was worried too that if I fell apart, it might make it harder for them to deal with their own anxiety over it, so I felt I should own it myself and seek support from outside the family so that they were free to focus on their own worries. If that makes sense. I also wanted to be able to “model” how to cope well with a difficult diagnosis in case it ever happened to them. As it is, my son in law’s mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer the year after me, so it actually helped him and my daughter that I’d already been through the op and treatment and coped well. I found the Macmillan helpline great, especially as they’re open 8am-8pm 7 days a week. The number is 0808 808 0000.