Totally Peed off with this little beggar

Hi Angie

I'm with you all the way on this. Last night I was lying awake about 3am and started thinking my malignant cells are attaching themselves to my lymph nodes and are spreading through my body. I started crying and got up before the tears became full blown sobs. I went out into the garden looked up at the stars and thought why me - why me, what did I ever do. My lurcher Toby came out with me and leant against me (lurchers do that, leaning) He's going to be making his last trip to the vets in the next couple of days as he's unwell. I said I can't win your battle Toby, but I'm going to win mine for you.

I then waited out in the cold for him to come in, took another half hour.

So don't worry Angie, you're in good company - this hateful disease has made me  raving looney as well.

I'm wrapping you in a big hug, stay safe (if not sane hahah)

Barb xxx 

Hi Barb, See, I just knew someone here would understand. I’m thinking that together we raving looneys are going to beat this and come Christmas we may just be celebrating a full out victory over the little beggar.  Here’s to that day.. Thank you for your reply and restoring a little bit of my sanity. So sorry to hear about Toby, sending you a  to help you through it.  

Take Care

Angie‍

At least you two are venting your anxieties! I haven't shed a single tear, I just still feel kind of numb.  At first I just didn't believe this was happening to me, then I was convinced the lab had mixed up the results. Since I've had my op and am now technically free of cancer I can't believe that either!  So all along I've been putting up this very brave front, convincing people I am handling this well, when really I don't think I am.  I don't have a dog anymore. We used to have a lurcher too Barb, lovely dogs. They do seem to sense when you are upset and give you extra love! 

I dont know about you, but I have become obsessed with this forum, checking it all the time to see what's happening.  Not always a good thing, perhaps, altho someone is always around to offer encouragement.  Can't seem to get motivated to do anything either, altho I did get out  and do about 30minutes of gardening this afternoon. First time since Before Diagnosis.

Oh well loonies, take care!

Viv 

Hi Viv

I agree, this forum has become my lifeline but it helps keep me grounded some are in a much worse situation than I am so I feel bad when I vent and feel sorry for myself.  The fact someone's there to listen always helps, my other half doesn't bother to ask! I thought my results were mixed up with someone elses, in fact when I got my consultants appointment I called to see if it was worth while me travelling to Nottingham, thought I was to be told they'd monitor me and come back in 6 months - not so.

I think the difficulty is putting on the brave face for those that aren't in our position - cancer is for someone else -  I'm determined to kick this little bugger into touch (and one or two others if you get my drift haha)

I'm just going to pour myself a little bevvy, well the sun is over the yardarm somewhere in the world!

Hugs to you all, Barb xx 

Angie you rant away hun, I think we have all had those thoughts running though our minds when dealing with this little bugger. No need to apologise at all. Its important not to let these feelings stay inside and bubble and bubble. Its a huge emotional rollercoaster that your on and you do start with the what ifs etc. My Gp once said to me don't worry about the what ifs and let me deal with the what is! 

Sending you gentle hugs your way