Feeling guilty

No your not wasting anyone's time Angie, to be honest my thoughts are what if its the other way round? Life has many uncertainties and this is not something we can control, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for, its cancers fault and the best way is to get better as quickly as possible and say that to cancer. Sounds unrealistic well hopefully not at low stages its easier to treat and become cancer free but waiting and it could be a lot worse and more treatment needed and then you think how will that effect everyone around us. Sometimes people are not sensitive, although i am I sure they didn't mean to cause offence or upset. Yes I am sure there will be a lot for everyone at first to do after your op but the quicker you are allowed to recover the sooner you can go back to being the one that has to deal with everything all the time, I am sure that you are. Its difficult for everyone around us emotionally and maybe some extra things but you have to raise to the challenge don't you? Don't take what your friend said to heart, I am sure they didn't mean it to sound like that.

Brush it a side and I am sending some gentle hugs your way

Hi Angie

Don't you dare feel guilty, I could kick your friend where the proverbial doesn't shine!! I'm hopping mad here! Why is it the family and friends seem to feel sorry for the partners rather than worry about us! Grrr. I've said before, people's eyes seem to glaze over when you talk about your fears. I think it's really because they can't cope and don't know what to say.  Don't worry, we're listening on this forum. Don't you dare consider postponing your op! You are not putting your family through anything! You are going through it -  Crikey, I'll be spitting feathers in a minute.

As for listing everything they will have to do, well that's a load of ******. The only things I can't do at the moment is drive and I'm not using the hoover. I can't walkour big dogs as they weigh 45kgs each, but I'm taking the Jack for a short walk. I'm cooking, washing. He'll put the hamper near the line and carry it back.

My other half is now suffering really badly with his right hip. (left was replaced 8 years ago) I know he's not putting it on, he really is in pain but I can't help thinking this is my time to feel a little precious and he's even stolen that from me! haha Not that I do feel precious!! I jokingly said hope if he gets any quick appointments that won't interfere with any further treatment I may need, that's got to come first and the look he gave me was priceless!

Great big hugs to you my lovely, you have not wasted my time.

Barb xx 

Hi GBear, Thank you for your reply. It all makes perfect sense and the practical side of me knows it’s not my friend talking but the way this conniving little blighter inside me is making her feel.It’s just the emotional side of me seems to be running on overdrive at the moment, it’s worse than PMS, though I don’t want that either. Thanks again for your help in getting my sensible head back into gear. I now know why everyone is so keen to get things over and done with quickly. Then maybe the people around us will go back to normal.(Whatever that may be)

Take Care

Angie

Hi Barb, (is it okay to call you Barb) Wow, remind me not to get on your bad side  Though being honest it was how I felt initially, we’ve been pals for over 40 years and been through a hell of a lot together good, bad and on occasion downright ugly, and I just didn’t understand her reaction. I’m thinking that, now GBear has helped me get my sensible head on, she’s probably the same as me and not thinking straight.  Either that or because she knows my hubby so well she’s realised that he may well be out of his comfort zone, having to deal with things like hoovers, washing machines and cookers.  I also think that this blooming Covid19 is causing a lot of stress as the restrictions stop folk popping over to provide support. Thank you for your reply, support and jumping in there in my defence. Your amazing. 

Take care

Angie 

I was going to go into it all but then read Barb's reply & those are my thoughts exactly. Could I just say if this is a friend who is so concerned about hubby why is she not offering her help ??? NO you are not WASTING anyone's time on here, NO you are NOT being IRRATIONAL & NO WAY should you feel Awful. This is NOT about Them this is about YOU & the sooner they get their heads around this the Better !!!!!! 

Sorry just started to Rant then but this is really Unbelievable  ( also spitting feathers).

Sending lots of Hugs 

Oh Barb, you read my mind, sounds like we are very similar !

Lots of Hugs 

I also have to say I agree with MrsBJH, Barb. Really why is it that people are more worried about everyone around you then you, I had that one and yes I did sort of had to sort of say what! Are you kidding? The trouble is I think some people try to make you out as a burden, your ill , no fault of your own and if the shoe was on the other foot would they be concerned about the extra things you will have to do, I wonder. It seems its always a case of if you've never gone though it you have no idea. I remember when I got my diagnosis my Dad fell apart and kept trying to put pressure on me to preserve my fertility as I have no children yet he didn't pressure my older sister into getting into a relationship and having kids even my gynae oncologist sort of said my Dad was being unreasonable. Yet Mum and I just dealt with it, don't get me wrong I was in shock, I was angry and damm right scared but at the same time I just thought well I just have to go with it, do everything I can to get better and sod everyone else if they can't show a bit if understanding. In your case I just hope thatcyour friend was just unaware of how insensitive they were and come around to how you must be coping. Angie your doing nothing wrong, tell them too, its wrong to make you angry or a burden trying to make you feel guilty , really do we actually want to have to deal with cancer well hell no!

Stand your ground and now you have your sensible head back on as you put it tell them that you feel insulted. 

Big hugs

Yes, Barb is fine, just not Babs - hate that!! I don't normally have a bad side but this has been festering in me for a while! My relationship isn't the best it's been at the moment and I get little/no support. He took me for my ultrasound scan, back in the day, I didn't ask him to and the clinic ran late & I kept getting texts how long?? I didn't ask him to take me, would have preferred a look around Dunelm Mill before I went home - no chance!!

Had to have biopsy/hysteroscopy scan under anaesthetic. I kept getting calls & texts, how much longer will you be when he came to pick me up. I couldn't do anything, waiting for epidural to wear off. I ended up in tears and the nurse was ready to go down to the carpark and give him a telling off!

Then when he came to pick me up after my hysterectomy I had to wait for my meds to be prescribed. Again, he'd left home early despite me saying I've no control over what time I can go. Constant stream of calls & texts - what's taking so long. Bear in  mind I've just had a major op and I'm in tears in the ward! The ward sister took me out to the car but he showed his nice side!!

He thinks he's done no wrong! There's a queue of my friends waiting to bash his bad leg!

That's my rant over, hope your friend realises what's she's said is hurtful, but by golly we are all fragile at the moment,

Big hugs to you, as I've finished my meds I'm actually having a drink for the first time in weeks and enjoying it!

Barb xx  

Good luck to you Barb, you rest & enjoy a few drinks. I never understand why anyone thinks this operation is like having a toe nail removed or a few stiches put in let alone the fact that this is happening because of a Cancer Diagnosis & is MAJOR SURGERY. I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this with someone so uncaring it must be awful but i'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot you would be expected to run rings around him & it's just not fair.

Don't you worry lovely lady we have all got your back & together will see you through all of this.

Love & Hugs 

Hi Barb, Sorry you’re having such a hard time with your partner, can I join the queue to knock some sense into him? Good lord what is it with people? I can’t help thinking that this whole process seems to  bring out the best or worst in people. You enjoy your wee drink and I’ll catch up with you later and see how you’re doing. Gentle  

Take Care

Angie