Family problems

Hello , welcome to our little corner of the community, firstly i am sorry to hear your news, being told it’s cancer really does send us all in a tailspin. Its only natural that your family want to get you treated straight away because they don’t know how bad it is, will it spread etc. I think all the problems covid has caused with delays in treatment and treatment being cancelled too has made hearing that someone they love being diagnosed with cancer to feel that bit extra scared. It’s understandable that they want you to go private and I totally get what your saying, yes difficult to explain that you want to have faith in the system but this will be hard for them. I know when I was diagnosed in 2017 just before my 38 birthday I found my Dad just fell apart and my Mum just had to deal with and I felt i had to be strong for everyone but in a strange way actually helped me deal with it too, even if I was in total shock. It took nearly 11 months to be diagnosed from first going to see my Gp because even though my Gp suspected it, the hospital constantly kept saying it was just a couple of small fibroids and on one hospital admission i was made to feel i was taking a bed up from a really ill patient and I should just go home, yet I had cancer and if they had checked properly they would of known, so my trust in Doctors fell apart over night, yet by some blessing i was stage 1a grade 2 and had a total hysterectomy as my only treatment, its horror stories like that, that its no wonder your family want to jump the queue as you put it going private, maybe if they had a proper timescale of what your consultant plans would help them. It’s difficult not to want them to relax a bit and let you deal too, its very overwhelming. I am sure if you sat down with them all and explain how you feel and how you want to deal with it your way, you want to trust the system and your consultant maybe they would respect your wishes but they also have the right to theirs so I understand the dilemma its a catch 22 case. https://be.macmillan.org.uk/be/Funnelback/search.aspx?query=Talking+to+family+about+a+cancer+diagnosis+ Click on the link provided here ts for a general search for booklets about how to talk to your family about a diagnosis it maybe of some help and my Dad found this https://be.macmillan.org.uk/be/p-24922-understanding-womb-endometrial-cancer.aspx helpful in understanding the cancer and all the possible treatment he said it helped him deal with it and he found it clear and easy to understand, it may help in your situation.

But look after yourself too, coming here and being comfortable to reach out is a huge step forward, all the ladies here are so fabulous and caring but they also understand as they have gone through it, going through it and the combined knowledge really helps and lots of virtual hugs to go around too.

sending you a gentle hug to you and your family xxx

Hi,GBear, It’s nice to meet you though I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances. Thank you for your reply and help. You’re right about the Covid 19 situation causing many problems for everyone on waiting lists for treatment, it’s a nasty little beggar.  I‘ve  been quite fortunate time wise as from my first gynaecology appointment to now has only been a matter of weeks rather than the months some people have to wait. I’ve  had my hysteroscopy (is that spelling right?) which was not good (painful doesn’t start to describe it) and I had to get them to stop. I managed to cope with the pain long enough for them to get a biopsy done. I got told I’d need to have the hysteroscopy redone under general anaesthetic. I was scheduled to have the 2nd hysteroscopy on 7th October but the biopsy result has probably changed that.

The worry I have with my sisters idea of going private is they’re thinking I can have the scans done privately and then get the surgery done by the NHS. I’m not sure that can be done. I’m sure I read somewhere that you can’t use both NHS and private for the treatment of the same illness/complaint. I’m also worried that, even if I can do what my sisters are suggesting, getting  the scans done privately will  affect my place on the waiting list for surgery with the NHS and I’ll have an even longer wait. Does that make sense? Sorry for prattling on. Thank you again for your help.

Hi Abs,

I think this is your sisters way of dealing with the news. But, at the end of the day, its your life and your decision. You have to do whats best for you, and I agree with you in this case.

My brother got himself into trouble a few months ago, and we offered him money to sort things out. He wouldn't have it, and got sorted himself. Not the way I would have gone, but you can't tell a 70 year old what to do!!! There is a fine line between helping and interfering!

All the best xxxx

Hi NannyAnny, Thank you for your reply. I went onto the chat with an expert part of this website to try and verify my thoughts on the NHS/Private restrictions but unfortunately got disconnected before the nice person chatting to me could verify things. They did however make a valid point I hadn't even thought off and that was that the NHS team may not accept the Private scans and want to do their own scans prior to assessing what route to go surgery wise. I know the scans are probably the easiest part of all this but I really don't relish having to do them twice. I'm thinking it would be a waste of time, resources and money to go private and then find I have to repeat the process for the NHS. I'm just going to have to find a kind and tactful way of saying thanks but no thanks to my sisters. Thanks again for your help.

Take Care

I was under the impression that once you went privately the NHS didn't want to know you, but I may be wrong. I have found that if they think cancer is involved they move pretty quickly, so you may not be waiting long. All I can say is I've had very good service with my cancer. They couldn't have done more for me. I even think the hospital meals were not bad, but is that because I had years of dreadful school meals?   xxxx 

You think like me concerning Private/NHS thing. Everything has been pretty quick for me too. All in it's been 4 weeks from my initial gynaecology appointment to my diagnosis. My consultant even gave me his secretary's direct line and I've to phone the minute I've had my scans done, so he can check them and put my case to the MDT. I had an appointment for a so called wee chat with the anaesthetist the same day I got my diagnosis. When I told her that I probably wouldn't be getting the 2nd Hysteroscopy because the results had confirmed cancer I ended up being there for three hours while they did the full pre-admission tests including an ECG and blood pressure. The first attempt on them was interesting as I'd only just been told two hours previous that I had cancer. The nurse went away and got me a wee cuppa and a biscuit then tried them both again, thankfully they were normal (whatever that may be). All this makes me think that I'm probably not going to be waiting that long especially as we're on holiday a week tomorrow. and my consultant even asked if we could travel home from our weeks holiday if the scan date came up while we were away. My consultant gives me the impression that he really knows what he's doing and doesn't mess around. He's also really nice. I know that probably sounds daft but I've had some consultants for other ailments who were right pains and reckoned they were Gods gift to humanity.  Thank you NannyAnny for chatting to me I'm feeling much more confident on how I'm going to approach the problem with my sister. 

Hi  again. I hope you do manage to get your little holiday as it may help you relax before the extra whirlwind of treatment then of course there is the worry of possible catching covid-19 and I know some who had their hospital appointments not going anywhere just in case. But in my heart I want you to be able to go. I am glad that you have by the sounds of it a fantastic consultant this makes everything just that more bearable as you can trust them to look after you. At least you know how best to approach the situation with your sister I hope this how's well, sending you all a gentle hug

Hello  welcome from me too. It’s really hard to gauge how people will react to the news. Often it’s the ones we least expect who find it harder to deal with. It’s lovely that your sisters want to help but I can u derstand your worries that they might put themselves into debt. It does sound like your team are acting quickly and that they’re on the ball. Perhaps you could persuade them that you’d appreciate their practical help in other ways - you will probably need help after the hysterectomy with housework etc, or possibly some meals for you and your family while you recover afterwards, or maybe they could take you to your appointments and then for a coffee afterwards.  They could help with cleaning etc afterwards. One friend did my ironing which was a relief to both of us as my husband hates ironing with a passion! One of the nicest things a friend did for me when I was recovering was to take me out for coffee and then to my local yarn shop so I could choose my own knitting supplies. It was simple yet meant a lot to me. I hope a

l goes well at the scans and that you won’t have to wait too long for your appointment to come through. Take care x

Hi Abs,

They tried to slot me into an empty spot earlier than predicted. I was called on a Thursday for the pre med on the Friday.Operation planned for the following Tuesday. While I was at the hospital on Friday I got another call to say it had been cancelled. They had an emergency in clinic that morning!!! They said my pre med would last a month, and in fact I had the op 2 weeks later!! 

On one hand I was cross because I had worked myself up for an operation, on the other, I was glad I was not deemed an emergency!! 

I also think its very important that you trust your consultant, and if you can laugh along the way, well good!! My husband had a rough 3 years with throat cancer, but he had a brilliant Italian consultant. I always remember after one appointment when husband was having trouble swallowing the consultant said 'Eat ze spaghetti'. The nurse stood behind him furiously shaking her head!!!  The consultant got him through with all sorts of new ideas and never gave up. That was 13 years ago now!    xxxxx

Hi Everyone, I just wanted to say thank you for your help. I phoned my GP surgery today and spoke with a really nice nurse practitioner. She answered all my questions and offered to refer me for private scans if I wanted to go that way. She did say it was really expensive especially the MRI scan. She also said that when cancer comes into the equation things tend to speed up a bit. So I’ve explained all this to my sisters and told them I’m going to give the NHS a chance first. I mean I was only diagnosed on Thursday for goodness sake, let’s give them and me time to draw breath. My youngest sister was fine and seemed to understand where I was coming from but the middle sister accepted my decision reluctantly. What can I say she’s a teacher and used to folk doing what she tells them, and unfortunately that occasionally carries over into how she deals with family stuff. I’m feeling pretty relaxed now, and just taking things one day at a time. Thank you again everyone for your help,suggestions and amazing support. You are all stars. 

Take Care