I had my operation on September. Its been a week know. Ive was given pain meds and stool softener.my problem is the waiting afterwards. Waiting to heal and waiting on results. This is mind bashing, and taking its toll on mental health. How do you all cope with your thoughts ?? How do you not think of your mortality?? I want to get on with living my life, it true im not the same since my diagnosis, but there must be a better way of living, than having anixety and being fearful, every day !! Any advice to calm my head over death, and get on with living!! I truly appreciate. 
Hi Blondi
I have had many years to deal with my feelings about cancer and my mortality since my original cancer diagnosis in 2018, so I understand that when you’ve just had treatment, those thoughts can be at the forefront of your mind.
Strangely enough, the anniversary of the date of my diagnosis was actually 2 days ago, and I had actually forgotten! I don’t spend my life fearful and anxious because it’s very hard to live that way, despite having a recurrence of my cancer after treatment.
I can’t deny I was very scared when my cancer recurred, but my consultant was very calm, and very positive about how she could help me. That gave me hope, which I clung on to, despite my fear.
In the early days in 2018, I used a number of self help techniques to try to keep myself calm-using a Mindfulness app on my phone to keep me grounded, and trying very hard to take one day at a time, one appointment at a time, and not thinking ahead beyond that.
I remember reading that worrying was like being in a rocking chair-you move, your mind is busy, but you don’t actually go anywhere. I used to try to remember that when my mind was racing ahead with dark thoughts, and do my best to bat those thoughts away. Other people suggested setting aside a specific time to worry with a start and end time, and then getting on with something else to keep yourself busy. It’s very hard and unsustainable to live in a state of high anxiety all the time and it’s not good for our mental health.
Everyone is going to die one day-we can’t avoid it-but my feeling is that we owe it to ourselves to make the most of the time we have and not focus on our mortality. We can’t change it, so it’s not helpful to spend our time worrying about it.
I understand that when you have a condition like VIN which can recur, it’s natural to think “but what if it comes back?” I worked hard to flip that question to “what if I’ll be ok?”. It’s not easy, and it takes time and practice to change how we think, but it really does help to think positively. I tried to think positively, rather than dwell on the negative, because I know that negative thoughts could make me spiral into a dark place if I let them.
Waiting on healing and results is very difficult-I’ve done it many times, but I focused as best I could on not worrying about the unknown, and only thinking about what I knew or felt that particular day, at that point in time. I couldn’t alter what my results would be, so my view was not to dwell on the what ifs the future might hold. Waiting is possibly the most awful part of the whole process, but try to focus on your recovery for now as that’s your priority.
I hope your results are good and that you can try to move on with some level of reassurance about the future. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on, and I hope that your physical recovery is going well.
Sarah xx
