Hi, I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer 21 months ago. Have had 2 rounds of chemotherapy and I’m currently stable in my diagnosis. I have many friends and family around me but yet feel so alone. I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble… others can come in the bubble and check on me, I’m happy to pretend I’m fine but they get to leave this bubble and I don’t.. I’m stuck inside. I can see everyone else carrying on with their lives and watch them from inside the bubble but I feel constantly consumed and unable to escape. I’ve been off chemotherapy since March and I’m still waiting to feel “better” whatever that means… still waiting for normality and it never comes. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I’m tired of feeling this way. I don’t know how to move forward.
Hi FUC
I'm so sorry about your diagnosis and how you're feeling. Don't feel guilty though.
I remember my mum trying to explain the same thing to us when she was given weeks to live. Like how, even when she had family and friends in the same room as her, she felt invisible. They would talk about their lives and future plans, none of which would involve her. It would be upsetting, frustrating and scary for her but she felt that she had to put on the brave, smiling face for everyone so that they wouldn't worry.
It breaks my heart imagining what mum went through and what you're going through now. There are probably lots of people on here that are experiencing the exact same thing so may be able to offer advice on how to deal with it.
All I can say is that with everyone "carrying on with their lives", it's only because they have to. There's no other option. But your closest friends and family won't be going back to their normal lives. In my experience (when my mum was ill and when friends were going through something similar with their loved ones), those lives are far from the ones they recognise. It all appears the same to the rest of the world, but the world doesn't see you awake all hours with worry about your loved one with cancer or sneaking off to the office WC to cry your eyes out...or even listening to other people moaning about petty things and thinking "you don't even know what real problems are!" They'll be putting on a brave face for you too, seeming jolly and 'normal' whilst they're hurting inside.
Cancer is unbearable...worse for the one who has it, but loved ones all feel the pain emotionally. Nobody comes out unscathed.
I really hope that you can find advice on here. I'm sorry that I can't help 
