low grade BCC on lower eyelid/upper cheek.

  • 9 replies
  • 32 subscribers
  • 450 views

Hi, I’m new to this. My husband was diagnosed with low grade skin cancer on Wednesday. It’s a BCC, and that’s all the doctor said, and referred him to a plastic surgeon. There was no further information besides a leaflet about BCC (which I had already looked up on Google) 

I feel as though it wasn't really explained. And now my husband is very distant, moody and snapping a lot. Which I can understand, but our relationship has been very strained lately, pre-diagnosis, and I am always the one who “deals” with things. And I don’t know what to do or say. I have told him to contact the Life Insurance, he won’t do it. He won’t talk to me about it. It’s like he just wants to ignore it. I know it’s not as serious as some cancers. And I am thankful that he does not have to go through the chemo etc. (The doctor said it will just be surgery to remove the bcc)

I really don’t know what to do, or say. He doesn’t want to tell the kids, but the way he is reacting, has made the kids ask what’s wrong with dad, and I’m the one dealing with it, and lying to the kids. 

I feel like I’m going crazy, I suffer with depression and anxiety, have done for over 20 years. And I always have been the stronger one, but I feel helpless. I know I’m being selfish, and I should be thinking about what he’s going through, and I am trying, but like I said he doesn’t want to discuss it. 

  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

    I'm sorry to read that your husband has just been diagnosed with a BCC and that, as a consequence, your relationship is very strained. It's not good that you've come away from the meeting with your husband's consultant feeling that his cancer has not been explained. I have had a BCC, as have the majority of people in this group, so I'm sure we'll be able to help. What would you like to ask or know?

    It sounds, from what you've written, that your husband is trying to come to terms with his diagnosis and you might find this information from Macmillan on cancer and your emotions helpful to read. It's aimed at the person with cancer but it might help you have an insight into the range of emotions your husband may be feeling.

    You say that

    I really don’t know what to do, or say.

    so you might find this Macmillan information on what to say to someone who has cancer useful. It suggests ways of starting a conversation along with how to overcome difficulties.

    It would be great if you could put something about your husband's diagnosis and proposed treatment into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

    Community Champion Badge

     "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

  • hi Hippychick I have had 2 basal cell skin cancers removed from my face 2 years ago by plastic surgery  Yes I was very distressed by the diagnosis but this site was my life line, talked through my worries with people with the same condition and worries.  I had a skin flap surgery with one near my top lip and nose and a skin graft on the one right under my eye.  Both were really nasty and the scars at first were awful.  My Plastic surgeon was simply the best, so kind and re-assuring and he told me that in time they would both settle and would be fine, and they are  My friends say if they didn't know they would mot know I had had extensive surgery.  Where abouts is your husbands bcc. Did the surgeon tell you anything about what the surgery would entail, or has he left that to the plastic surgeon to decide.  When I went for my initial consultation with a dermatologist I thought he would give me a tube of cream for this little skin lesion, how wrong was I.  When he mentioned he couldnt deal with it, it would need plastic surgery, I was astounded, as your husband must have been.  He will be fine.  My Consultant told me, if you have to have cancer, a bcc is the best one to have as it is totally curable.   I had both my operations done under a local and once the injections were done I never felt a thing and hardly any pain once the freezing wore off.  Had stitches rmoved a week later, saw Consultant 5 weeks after that and then I had the second one done.  Where abouts do you live. Please feel free to contsct me again and I will help as much as  can.  

  • Hi hippychick82

    Sorry to hear about you and your husbands situation. .. I tend to think that often us ladies are more open to these things and understand that to talk about them really helps... I too am used to " Dealing" with things as my husband has very poor health.

    You'll get a lot of support here so please feel free to ask us anything.

    It may have helped if the doctor had given you and your husband a better explanation and an opportunity to ask questions.

    Would it be possible to arrange a telephone consult with him? 

    I had a bcc removed ftom my nose by the loveliest head and neck surgeon who was so patient and kind.

  • Just something that may help in case you and your husband are worrying about this.....   it's perfectly normal to be referred to a plastic surgeon for facial bcc.....   they're experts at minimising scars

  • Hi  

    I just wanted to check in with you to see how you are doing and to ask if your husband is coping better with his diagnosis now he's had some time to come to terms with it?

    You posted that

    feel as though it wasn't really explained.

    and I did offer to help you with anything you wanted to know. Please do take me up on that as probably what you're imagining is far worse than the reality.

    Anne

    Community Champion Badge

     "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

  • Hi, it’s been difficult. He lashed out at me, he’s not communicating with me or anyone else. 
    Every time I try to speak to him about it, or anything remotely related, it becomes an argument. 
    He has an appointment this morning with the plastic surgeon. 

  • Sorry to hear that  but hopefully he'll have all his questions answered at his appointment this morning and he'll feel more settled once he knows what the treatment plan is.

    ((hugs))

    Community Champion Badge

     "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

  • H Hippychick Just wondered how your husband wentynon with his appointment with the Plastic Surgeon.  Has he helped to reassure him and how are you coping now xx

  • Hi. It’s been difficult. He still won’t talk about it. The only thing he said was they will remove it, that’s all I got from him. I’ll just be there for him, when he needs me. That’s all I can do. x