Husband age 48 new diagnosis advanced PCa

Hi Maisiee5407b , if you have seen these posts before, we all say that the start is by far the hardest part.  I was diagnosed 8 years ago and initially shocked with incurable diagnosis but have been amazed at the tools now available.  Life is not the same, but I am much older and it’s hard to know what is age or treatment related.  My experience is that most things you read are either based on ‘old’ research or a new miracle cure! The truth lies in between and the real experience from guys and partners on here is amazing.  Do let us know what Gleason and TNM you get from the biopsy.  Personally, I would not worry about a PIRADS 5 at this stage.  We know what you are both going through, but it will get better.

Oh my, if you don’t know by now you are about to find out that prostate cancer is a couples disease that affects both you and your OH equally. You need as much help as he. Don’t forget that. As for the next peice of advice… don’t ever use Dr Google.

You are well aware of many of the symptoms and treatments because you’re a GP but I bet you will be learning something new everyday about this extraordinary cancer and it’s many different symptoms, reactions and outcomes because of our bodies being unique.

you own mental health will be something to consider now and every day. There is a long way to go and your heads will be full to bursting but being able to release that tension is tough.

This feels like I’m teaching you to suck eggs but I am so glad you have taken the time to join the support community and that will help you and your OH immensely. This is a home of so many experienced people that are there when needed to answer questions or just to lean on as a friendly shoulder.

Ask anything you like.

Be as positive as you can and when you can’t ring for help. The MacMillan support team are fantastic and always there when you need a hand.

You are not a GP to us, you are a frighted other half that needs as much support as anyone else.

I welcome you and your OH to this safe place, we all would rather not be here but we make the best of sharing the weight on our shoulders. Take care.

Hello Maisiee

I’m really sorry to hear of your husband’s diagnosis at such a young age. I know how frightened and devastated I was when my husband was diagnosed and how stressful the diagnostic pathway was for us - the bad news just kept on coming!  I am a retired registered nurse and found having some medical knowledge was useful at times and , at other times, it served to make me panic more. Being a GP and with the high incidence of prostate cancer in our population, you will have possibly seen both the cases that result in cure and those that have a poor prognosis and reminders of the latter won’t be helping you right now.

That said, most of us partners and spouses posting here seem to agree that the first part of this journey is the hardest part for us. Once the ‘full picture’ is known and a treatment plan established, the emotions do settle somewhat as a new normal takes over. It’s not the normal we envisaged for ourselves and plans change but, most importantly, there is life with prostate cancer and that life can be enjoyed.

As you also know, treatments for prostate cancer have improved considerably over the years such that it is now often more a long term condition that can be effectively managed. 

we have been on this journey for 3 years now. I really think I would have sunk if people here had not kept me afloat in those early days! I hope that you , too, will take some small comfort from the fact that you are not alone in this. I have consistently found that the medical teams have a whole tool box for treating the patient but seem to overlook the impact on the mental and physical health of the partner/ spouse and family members. So - we are here for you as well as for your husband!

Take care of yourself and I wish you and your husband every success in managing the prostate cancer .

Hello Maisiee5407b , firstly sorry to see you here and to say that this space is really amazing and will provide you with relevant support, advice etc......I found reading everyone's bios really helpful.

We are not long into this journey, my partner is 56 with T3N0M1b, widespread bone mets, 7 bones in total. We are just looking over treatment options which again are detailed in my bio.

I know your partner is still waiting for results but sounds like your team have been really proactive, the treatment will already be working and reducing any progression.

Definitely link in with your local Maggies centre if this is possible. 

We are very positive, we were before this awful situation and we are continuing with it, easier said than done but what are the alternatives‍.....I wish you guys all the very best ️

Thanks everyone for your messages and kind words. 

It definitely seems to be an emotional roller coaster at the moment and trying to still work and continue as 'normal' for our kids is also very hard. Our son is leaving to go to uni in under 2 weeks and daughter starting 6th form so there are lots of changes for them and telling them about their Dad was very difficult. 

We are trying to remain as hopeful/positive as we can and like some of you have said, the waiting is probably the hardest part until the full picture is known. 

I have had very supportive friends and family since we told them but it still feels lonely in a way as we don't know anyone else on this journey too so it is good to be able to come here for support from people going through the same and a few months/years ahead of us.

My husband is not really wanting to discuss it much at the moment which is his way of dealing with it but he is very strong and says he is determined to fight it and he has even changed his diet already to drinking green tea, more plant based  and reduced sugar. We all have different ways of dealing with it but he has supportive friends too and lots of offers of playing golf etc. from his friends which he is taking  them up on. 

I will update when we know more from the results and what the next steps are likely to be. 

Thanks again. 

It’s horrible news when your partner, who appears the picture of health, is diagnosed with this.  We are a few weeks ahead of you.

My 60 yr old husband had a PSA of 6.5 in June, fast forward to now, Gleason 4+5, T3, aggressive Ca locally advanced only. Bone scan was clear. Has HT implant, Taking Abiraterone, steroid, calcium supps and Aluronic acid, Brachytherapy at end of month and then 5 weeks radiotherapy.   

Still at work, although can do this remotely, and will see how he manages impending treatment.  

Didn’t think I knew anyone with same issues but 3 out of 4 partners in my volunteer group are now being treated for PC.  Solidarity in numbers is one way of looking at it.    Once you have the results of latest tests you get a plan fairly quickly of onward treatment and at least can start to prep for next few months. 
This forum is great for looking at information even if you can’t discuss in everyday life, husband is reading through the info he has to and I am doing the add on stuff, he is reluctant to look at others experiences but will get to meet others once RT is underway.  Best wishes, I know how you feel x