My Dear Husband - Newly diagnosed stage 4 prostrate cancer

Hi TheGreenLady 

i am also a wife and struggled with the diagnosis . This group of people are great and have supported me through some stressful times . My OH doesn’t do internet much and won’t do forums etc. 

He doesn’t want anyone to know other than our immediate family and this also stresses me out but I can understand he doesn’t want a label . 
Have a wonderful time away and hope 2025 iOS hood to you both .

hugs 

Liz & OH 

xxxx

Hello TheGreenLady and welcome from another wife whose husband also has advanced metastatic prostate cancer diagnosed in July 2020 and he is still going strong at 81. There is a lot to take in at the beginning and here is a good book you can download for free to give you the basics.

https://issuu.com/magazineproduction/docs/js_prostate_cancer_guide_for_patients_ezine.

The hormone therapy will be doing its job already at starving the cancer of its food and giving the experts time to sort out the best course of treatment. Enjoy the season and come to it fresh in the New Year but come back with any questions no matter how small or trivial you might think them. It is very much a couples disease but make sure you look after yourself as well.

Good morning TheGreenLady - now you’ve got through the UTI, and your DH is on hormone therapy, you are in clearer calmer waters. Yes, it’s advanced but this is his first round of treatment and there’s MUCH more in the NHS armoury if needed.  The fact that his body is new to these treatments is a good thing.  I have a very good friend who has very advanced prostate cancer and had an initial PSA of over 2,000.  His PSA is currently 0.01 and has been for 6 months now. I’m not saying that there are miracle cures available, but what these treatments give are time and an increased quality of life. So, enjoy Christmas in the knowledge that your DH is now sleeping through the night and the fact that you have acquired some control.   Best wishes for a great festive season - how many have you had together so far, I wonder!   AW

Hello Green Lady

i have just read your profile and realise that you have both been having quite a torrid time recently. I’m so sorry to hear this but you have come to the right place to meet all us wives who have and are still travelling this journey!  At the beginning, I found the support and information I received here a ‘lifesaver’! I felt as if I was drowning in a sea of anxiety interrupted by visits to hospital which resulted in more dollops of bad news and not what we wanted to hear!

as others have said, the drugs to treat prostate cancer are now so much more efficient in controlling the cancer and giving us all the extra time together that we all want for ourselves.

i do hope you and your DH can put your troubles to one side over the upcoming festivities and enjoy yourselves whilst away. 

I love your sign off, ‘we are in this together’. So true! I have always said this PC is a couples disease - it impacts on both partners and we are so much stronger if we pull together

I wish you and DH all the very best and hope he does well with the treatment x

Thanks Jonam,  this forum is already helping knowing I'm not the only one whose husband has reacted like this x

Thanks worried wife. I've been through holding in the anger with him for not going to GP earlier (grrrr) no point reflecting on what could have been. We are where we are and I know it could have been worse.

My previous experience of cancer triggered my emotions as I lost my 64 yo mum 6 weeks from brain tumor diagnosis - it wasn't the tumour but internal stomach bleed that took her so quickly

But today is a good day, have woken up not feeling so emotional about it all, off to take our dog to a dog meet with friends now, that'll be fun. 

X 

Thanks Alpine wanderer.

Exactly that. I'm actually feeling blessed that he is taking it in his stride. DH has had some pretty major spine surgery over the years, so we've been through the constant hospital visits and  journal keeping, we've had a few emotional ups and downs through our 37 years together and stayed strong together.

Thank again, wishing you a Merry Christmas too. 

Thank you for replying. What a super forum this is.

I got a bit overwhelmed yesterday as DH had a hospital appointment appear in his NHS app for May 2025 ... I was beside myself thinking why so long to see him.

It took me 4 hours before I could compose myself ( after a long dog walk !) phoned  hospital. Worried for nothing, it is only a catheter follow up call ! Consultant appointment will be in March as originally told . Phew. Lesson learnt. Make the call and don't stew. 

Not much to add other than another wife here in similar early days for myself and my DH, sending you best wishes for the weeks ahead and especially over Christmas. I'm sure we will meet again on this forum  I'm so sorry to hear about your mum too - an extra lot of emotion to deal with at such an emotive time of year. My mum-in-law died a couple of months ago, over in Australia - but she was in her 90s so we were prepared (although sad) when it happened and can reflect that it would have been awful for her to know her son was poorly, so far away.

Good Morning TheGreenLady 

Another warm welcome to the group from me - I am sorry to not have "spoken" to you earlier, I have been busy but trying to catch up!!

I am aware that it's DH's MDT meeting today. If I were you I would enjoy Christmas and then I think it's time to be proactive - I think a 3 month wait is far too long to wait for oncology. personal opinion:

* Contact your team and ask to be e-mailed a copy of the MDT meeting notes.

* Ask at the time what the MDT outcome was and when is treatment to start. (I am thinking triplet therapy so ASAP).

The above is only my opinion by the way - but I hope it helps.

Best wishes - Brian.