Wife who is struggling with her emotions

Thank you, JagChamp! It’s so reassuring to know I’m not the only one:). Yup, ‘high alert’ sums me up very well! I really hope that you have some good options given to you both at your next appointment. Do let us know!!

Hi Dudebear , just wondering how you are doing as it’s a week since your original post?  Best wishes, David

Hi David2017 

sorry for the late reply, but we always go out on a Fri, with my husbands brother (60 & never married) we went Newquay, very busy as you can imagine, but had a lovely lunch & walk. 
thanks for asking about me, I’m still struggling & think I always will

we went ortho, & because my husband had only just finished his radiotherapy, we were told hospital policy he can’t go on the waiting list he will see him again in 3 months & put him on the list then ! (What’s the difference?) the consultant list is 12 months, unless urgent. The other 2 private hospitals won’t take him due to his cancer pathway, so of course that’s upset me 

hope yourself & family are good 

xx

Hello Dudebear 

Pleased to see you have been out and about but so sorry to read about the issues with the hospital waiting lists.

It's worth contacting the hospital PALS department (Patient Advice And Liaison Service) - telling them of your issues and delays and that it's causing you no end of anxiety and can they do something about the long wait.

It pays to be gently assertive. - I hope it works for you - if it doesn't let me know - I have more strings to my fiddle!!

Enjoy the long weekend.

Best wishes - Brian.

One thing I have learned over the last 10 months post-op is to stand up for yourselves, not aggressive but assertive and armed with information from reliable sources. We’re here wishing the best xx

We will wait the 3 months & then we will be very assertive & I will contact pals. 
I will let you know, everything is a waiting game 

That's the problem, and if you don't push yourself you fall behind as other folk get further up the chain.

It's also worth telling them that you are local and available for any short notice cancellation.

Good luck - keep us posted.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi Dudebear , glad to hear you had a good day out and hope you were able to forget cancer albeit for a short period.  Sorry about the seemingly silly rule at the hospital, how frustrating.  Good luck and please ask when you need help from us.  David

Hi Dudebear, totally get it . I’ve not been on the forum for a few weeks as we had friends over from  Caribbean to visit and see OH .  Hit rock bottom after they left . We decided to go away for a few days to talk and sort out ourselves as all I did was cry  . After a lot of crying and soul searching we as a couple married over 50 plus years.  We will take what the NHS throws at us as we have been struggling since March and still don’t know his prognosis. He is due another MRI before we see the oncologist in October and also feel we have been badly let down as was given a curative pathway then it was pulled below our feel .

in relation to ED issues my OH gave me every possible excuse that was imaginable . He was prescribed sildenafil x 100 mg but when do you gauge when to take. Anyway long story short when it didn’t work it caused him to become more upset, it only helped him pee and worked his bowels better. On our time away we decided not to try but I think he was totally relaxed and we had fun . Not what we expected but it certainly gave him some pleasure.  So my thinking its possibly more  psychological.  Sorry to hear your having it really hard but you’re in a great forum as everyone is so caring and understanding . Hugs 

xx

Hello Johnam

I'm really sorry to read that your struggles continue but it sounds as if your few days away were just what you both needed.

if I recall correctly, your husband is now on hormone therapy? To quote one of our prostate nurses, this means for the time being he is ‘safe’ as it is preventing the cancer from growing and spreading.

I fully understand why you want a prognosis. We all want more certainty as it gives us more control. However, we none of us know how long we’ve got - whether, for example, we will fall under a bus today, have a massive heart attack etc. when you think about it, life is fragile! 

I am no psychologist but, from my own reflections, the diagnosis shifts our mind set from happily going through a sort of taken- for- grantedness that we will go on for ever. The diagnosis jolts us out of this complacency and we have to consider our own mortality and- worse than that- the fact that we might be left alone. This is something that plagues me!

my husband has been treated with the ‘intention to cure’ but please rest assured, those words do not do anything for me - just as somebody saying your husband will die in x number of years! We have no guarantees! Life remains just as uncertain! Will the cancer come back? No one knows - it’s wait and see!

t don’t know how the NHS is working in Scotland where you live, but down here it is dire at times. I have learned that it is essential to politely challenge and be assertive. It doesn’t always work but it’s worth a try! I usually make a list of questions and main issues before I go with my husband and take them with me!

B don’t forget to take good care of yourself and those tears did stop for me in the end - mostly