Prostate cancer

Hi Bugface,

It's a difficult one because if you have flatlined with the libido I guess any thoughts of sex etc are gone. From my perspective ( as a woman and partner of a man in a similar position) I would say make the effort to show that you still care. Personally I'm a romantic at heart and I love any form of affection. It can be anything from flowers for no reason to kind words or making an effort to do something together that you may not particularly want to do but you know she would love. Just be inventive and caring. Us women will do anything for a man that loves us = Unconditional love. It's quite an easy formula.  Obviously you can also get inventive in other ways in the bedroom. head to Google for that one 

L

Hi BarryW. Thank you for that. I do actually buy flowers etc. she is my best friend and we have an amazing marriage of 40 yrs. the problem is more than low sex drive, my cancer treatment of infections and daralutamide tablets have stopped all things from working. It isn’t possible for  me to have sex. No amount of extra male tabs will help. I was hoping for advice from another man on how he deals with his mental state over not being able to be intimate with his partner. This is something that I am struggling with and cannot get my head around. Thank you again

Hi Bugface.

I am afraid it is another wife here but a warm welcome anyway. I agree with what BarrW says but that is not what you need. I am sure that some men will come along but can I suggest that you might get help by talking to men in a prostate cancer group. I have put a link to an information sheet from Prostate Cancer UK which can point you in the direction of how to contact them, or failing that do you have a prostate cancer group in your area. Also if you want to speak to someone from Macmillan's you can ring them on 08088080000.

prostatecanceruk.org/.../find-local-support

Hi Bugface, I am a 74 year old male (Well I was male before treatment anyway).  As a younger man I think I had a fairly high sex drive and the thought of stopping just didn’t seem realistic.  Having Hormone Therapy (HT) though, seemed to kill both my mental and physical ability overnight and to my great surprise that hasn’t been a problem to me.  I was initially worried that my wife would be upset, but actually I don’t think she was!  In many ways it has brought us closer together, when we cuddle it is just for that.  I hope you are able to talk through your problems together and find a resolution.  I imagine others will be able to add much more, but please feel free to ask any questions, between the group I haven’t seen them stumped yet!

Best wishes,  David

Thank you for your reply. It is very helpful and empathetic. I appreciate this. I will use the forum you suggested. I do need a male perspective as to my problems. Kind regards. 

I’m glad that you and your wife are in a good place with your cancer problems. It’s good to know. 
I have had this for 16 yrs. was ok for 3 hrs but since then it is not possible for full sex. I was 56 when diagnosed and my wife 43 yrs. I was given 6 months to live as an estimate. I have shocked my consultants many times as it traveled to my lymph nodes, my pelvic both left and right, miraculously it has gone from these areas. My gleeson was 9 and inoperable. But the cancer has taken its toll as I’m sure in many of you. My bones are ruined. But I’m alive. My wife has been thru hell with me. I am not easy to live with lol. She hasn’t been able to have sex either and at the age of 46 (since all stopped) my guilt that I cannot do this for her (she’s now 58 and still with me) is so overwhelming. My head is way too full of anxiety about it. Just wanted  to know how other men cope with  their  anxiety. 

Hello again Bugface  i have now had chance to read the other posts on this forum and appreciate we are all different. My personal journey-

We have been married 45 years this year - I am 68 - we have 4 adult children. We have always had what I would understand to be a normal healthy sex life - we have played games, used toys and had a good time. we have been sexually active right up to the time the HT took control. At first I thought "this is wrong" but not being able to get an erection  soon became the new normal - in fact we had a chat about my feelings - but I still feel a "man". I am very open about my Cancer and I have friends who appreciate my issues but fail to understand  how I cope so It must be hard for many people.

The relationship with my wife if anything has improved in the last two years = she's supported me in the Cancer Journey and in the bedroom too. We have found other ways to "amuse"ourselves in the bedroom and are both very happy. - Overall I have not missed being able to have sex and I have 100% support from my wife - Perhaps I am a lucky boy - it's taken TWO but we HAVE BOTH worked hard to keep as much "normality" as you can get without an erection - To me sex isn't the do all and end all and I think Mrs Millibob would agree. there's more to life than sex!!

I think you might find my reply disappointing - but it's honest and open.

If I can help in anyway please let me know 

best wishes - Brian.

Please stay with us as well Bugface as there are many on here who have expressed the same concerns. My husband still struggles with the fact that he thinks he is failing me as a man and I feel powerless that, no matter how much I say it doesn't bother me, he will not believe it. All I can do is give him a cuddle and reassure him how much I love him and wipe away his tears. 

This is an excellent summary and I wholeheartedly concur (married to Mrs AW for 40 years: she is 4 years younger than me). I still look at her admiringly and our love is as strong as ever. She is “my beautiful wife” and I am “her handsome husband” and we remind ourselves of those facts from time to time.  Nothing - and certainly not prostate cancer - will break our bond. AW