Floundering

I quite often feel that it's probably harder for the partner. The patient can only really do one or two things: accept the treatment they have chosen and then possibly also look at diet and lifestyle.

The partner can't really do anything other than worry and wonder what they should be doing to support their loved one.

My missus supported my choice of treatment and then helped me get on with the rest of my life. No fuss. No special treatment. Just life as it was before only a little bit different.

The best support you can give is for you to be there for him,  you say he is dealing with it well and that's good so long as you are both talking about the choices ahead.  I hope you tell him how you feel because sometimes one can get so caught up in the moment one doesn't realise that the partner is also affected.  Guilt is a normal reaction when one feels helpless towards a love ones health and care,  you'll find lots of support on here. Be well and talk with one another. Best regards Graeme. 

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It really helps.

Thank you. I'm trying to be a support but not always succeeding!

Hi treelover

Sorry about your husband, cute sign in name you will have to tell me why, OK it’s good it’s contained, that means he has plenty of treatments on offer to him, if one is not working there are others so it’s always tuff at the start, then maybe a little longer depending on his overall health.

Right cancer does not care who it attacks, unfortunately it has been your husband, family never know what to say or do, because it’s not like a cold or broken arm, you can assist but this is something different. 
A little story I’am incurable, when my wife was told, she was beside herself, it took along time for her to cool down but tears still flowed, I was quit calm and relied on my oncologist to guide me. Nearly five years on my wife sheds a tear when cancer adverts come on, or seeing how tired I get doing tasks I could whiz through not long ago. She knows it’s not her fault, but her love for me she cannot bear what’s happening, being unable to do anything although coming to all my scans and appointments everything else. It tears me apart seeing her like that but it’s natural, remember he’s still the same man, with a great out look so no need to hide your feelings, just be with him be glad it’s caught soon enough, enjoy yourselves together.

stay safe

Joe

Hi treelover, I have PC and I know that it has hit my wife much harder than me. We discussed help groups etc, but in the end, she started to talk with family and a few good friends. I was offered radiation or surgery, opting for surgery, I could not have gone through this process without my wife, stay strong, it will get better. If things do get a little dark do not think you are alone, there are always people who you can talk to, if it helps just write on here everyday, we are all in the same boat.

Hi Treelover.

Yes there will be a lot of emotion. I am nearly at the end of three years of hormone treatment and had 20 sessions of radiotherapy in Feb/Mar 2019. I think I cried more than my wife and still do occasionally. I never know what will set it off but I'm hoping it will improve once the HT finishes.

It's very important to listen to the specialist nurses at your treatment centre as they have seen everything before and nothing is new to them although it's all new and strange to you and you husband.

Good luck with your treatment journey and come back to talk to us as often as you like.

Thank you. This means so much to me. Your positive attitude is something I'm trying to get to. Wishing you the very best. 

Hi Seamus47.Love your dog by the way. Thank you for replying.  These messages of support are exactly what I need. I red your profile and am glad to see your treatment is working well. My husband had his 1st injection yesterday so we're at the beginning of the "journey ". I think this last lockdown hasn't improved my reaction to his diagnosis but already I'm feeling more positive. Onwards  and upwards!

I'm sure it's a great benefit to your husband that you are there for him - but you need help too.

If you contact  Macmillan, they'll be able to help you - or give you pointers to others who can.

See this page.