Understanding My Feelings Regarding Cancer

Hi Teulu,

I am so pleased that you have come through the operation and had only the ED to contend with.  That said ED is tough to deal with and especially as there is not that much help from the professionals - that is in my experience.  

Firstly, please do not feel guilt over not suffering more.  We all want everyone on here to have as easy time as possible!  It is so uplifting to hear that you have recovered so well and guys reading that will take hope.

It does sound as if you are projecting your fears onto others who are going through prostate cancer.  I am no expert on the mind and am only offering the thoughts of another sufferer.  I think maybe when you think of Chris Hoy, for example, then you are subconsciously seeing that you might, but for the grace of God, have been in the same place.  I found after I had nearly fully recovered from the operation that I struggled to come to terms with having cancer.  I needed some professional help via Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) to finally accept what had happened and the after effects such as ED.  I know that CBT doesn't work for everyone but maybe it might help you.

If you can do nothing else please try to reject those guilty feelings.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.  Good luck with the rest of your recovery and I so hope you got something useful from my reply.

Hi Teulu , I think Paul65plus1 has made a valid point that you subconsciously feel guilty about doing so well.  Maybe have a chat with your GP in the first instance.

Hello Teulu 

First off, thank you for your post and it's great to know your recovery has gone well. 

I have done plenty of work off the Community and yes, whilst speaking to groups of others have been tearful (yes I am on hormone therapy) but I find that people you are helping understand as you have been there and are showing your emotions - pleased to be where you are and able to help others.

I think recovery is hard to understand and we are all individuals we are all different but Paul65plus1 is correct in what he says and it's guilt about recovering whilst others haven't.

If you have 10 minutes make a brew, sit down and read this cracking paper:

After the treatment finishes - then what?

On the Community we do have a group you can join to explore this topic further, and here's the link you need:

Life after cancer forum 

I hope the above helps, and good luck moving forward.

Best wishes - Brian.

Great paper! Thanks for posting it. It really resonates with me, even though I'm still in treatment. 

Hello Brian and Teulu

An interesting thread that has made me think!

I cried buckets while we were going through the diagnostics and the fear of losing my husband was huge!  For me, it was an earth shattering experience - it brought me face to face with our own mortality and its something I still can't cast aside. At one point I found myself trying to almost  bargain for extra years!

Things did settle down once the treatment was sorted and we got underway with it. But, like you Teulu, I still find the tears welling up when I sort of touch bse with those very painful emotions I experienced at the time. Like you , I can discuss other people's diagnoses and treatment plans without a tear. I actually think it's all to do with how we try to protect ourselves from those feelings we went through when first diagnosed. It happened to us. It was very real. We felt our own emotions. Jeremy Clarkso and Chris Hoy are personaities 'out there' so its distant from us. Most of the time we are busy and distracted from those tough times but talking about how we were impacted makes us recall and revisit those emotions.

I can link this very much with Brian's link to the 'Life after cancer  forum'. Can we ever really say that there is such a thing?Do we ever arrive at that blissful stage of being 'after cancer'? It's almost 4 years since my husband was diagnosedand 2 years since he finished treatment. But he still has to have PSA tests. I still worry that there will be a recurrence - the 6 monthly PSA tests reinforce this!!! Will I ever reach that state of grace of 'life after cancer'? I seem to be stuck within the fear of ' what if the cancer has not been cured?'

Just my thoughts after a blissful holiday and a return to reality!!!

I don't know if this will help, but when I do slip toward the darkness of fear.  My wonderful wife reminds me that we all live with the fear of cancer, even those who have never had it.  Just because I had it doesn't mean I will have it and to live life in fear is to lose precious days that can be enjoyed.  Life is magic and an incredible gift that we should live to the fullest, especially after such a brush with the worst case.  This is our philosophy and it has helped me to have over two years of joy since my operation.

Hello Worriedwife 

Yes, there's lots to think about and I think we have only touched on the subject.

The interesting thing for me is we are all different - and yes, it's a good job we are too. Like you I have been on my personal journey for 4.5 years, we have gone through Radiotherapy and Hormone therapy together and my diagnosis was almost the same as your husbands T3aN0M0, yet I had a higher PSA than him. He finished treatment 2 years ago - I don't think I ever will! (I will update my profile next month as I AM back off treatment but I am waiting for next months PSA test - I know my testosterone is on it's way back !).

However - my journey has changed me - Lorraine says for the better. I no longer worry about things, am much more "easy going" and she tells me I now have empathy which was lacking before diagnosis!

My personal thread is "Que Sera Sera" and strange as it may be I go out of my way to help others. 

What's changed - I don't think I will ever join the "Life After Cancer" thread but neither will I have "Survivors Guilt". I have changed, Lorraine says how strange a cancer diagnosis can have such an effect on me - but it has.

You will have to excuse my ramblings - but we are individuals and you just can't put us all in the same box.

I hope you have had a great holiday - nothing booked for me until the end of August with a week in Scotland (for the military Tattoo) and then 3 weeks in Turkey in September. Happy days.

Kind regards - Brian.

Hi Millibob

that after the treatment paper is so good! It should be printed out and handed to everyone near the end of their treatment process.  So much resonates with me.

all the best

KrisPy

Hello Kris (KrisPy ) 

I think it's also very useful to those of us who have been on treatment for some time too!

As you say it's very personal to most of us - and it does help you understand just why you feel like you do.

Kind regards - Brian.

Hello  Paulo - Yes - so true! We all live with a fear of cancer. I think this stems back to the days when there was not so many successful treatments etc and the diagnosis was considered a death sentence. I can remember also being told as a child not to go near someone who had cancer because I might catch it!!!! 

Thankfully, treatments have much improved and many are very successful but somehow that fear of cancer lives on, doesnt it?

A lot of the time I can trundle through my day without considering it  and then, at other times (as PSA testing time is getting near again!!!) it occupies my mnd more.