Update on dad

Hello Chloe (Disneylandb3ad46) 

I wouldn't be waiting another week - and then how long after they have decided what needs doing.

Go back to my posts of Wednesday and decide you need to do something before it's too late - PALS - The Hospital Complaints system or direct to your MP as you are being given "the run around".

Best wishes - Brian.

Hopefully your Dad has a secret stash of stuff somewhere about him that gives him strength. My Mum did but we only realised it when we saw the crisp wrappers or the fry’s chocolate remains under her pillows or under the bed. But saying that you dad has energy while he does nothing from the meagre food he chooses to eat.

Communication and self advocacy is your main goal each day.

Get on the phone. Email that clinician. Write to the board. Do what you have to to bring help your way.

Don’t expect that anything will happen automatically without your push. Push politely. Push hard. Push every day. Get answers and get your Dad to join in. It’s ok doing the crossword but it would be better to talk to him and get his feelings out. You need to know more about his mind set. Get coffee and cake and have a chat with him. Make him comfortable and he may respond if you’re patient enough.

Good luck

 Disneylandb3ad46 , you can’t wait for a week.  Either you, your mum, a friend or his GP need to have a conversation with him today about the future.  It sounds like he has given up and wants to die.  Sadly, that is his choice and all you can do is give him the facts.  His prostate cancer (PCa) is treatable but none of us know how long we have got (with or without PCa).  If he decides to fight on then it is imperative that he starts to eat and drink today.

I’m not going round today I am absolutely drained unfortunately so my mum will do 2 trips there like always , he’s been being sick blaming eveything but I don’t no what because he’s had nothing really few crackers here and there , the last time he had a proper meal was Christmas Day which was half a Christmas dinner he’s had a few bits of toast maybe a bag of crisps just not enough to give him strength at all , I do not no how he’s focused on his crossword or tv he even texts me and rings me I don’t no how I really do not , he’s having cups of tea but they won’t give him much 

he was a body builder before getting ill ,such an amazing body not one thing out of shape , now all his skin has sagged looks awful , he won’t even look in a mirror in complete and utter denial and wants me to just potter around him in his flat 

I think I’ve made up my mind that if I’m cruel to be kind he may seek help , he rang me the other day to come and move his trolly 4 seconds towards him I jumped up and did it for him when really I should of said no dad do it yourself , because I no he can but he doesn’t have to because I’m doing everything for him and aslong as he is under that duvet he is hid from the world 

Chloe …

Morning Chloe , 

get right into the consultants secretary this morning . And be very forceful and tell her you need to speak to his doctor by end of day as he “promised” to get back to you as soon as he had seen the MRI . I would also advise as Brian explained to contact PAL today .

you had also stated that you had a MO friend speak to him and ask him to make noises as this is awful. 

when we first stated on the PC journey I had to shout and did this to every conceivable MP, MSP, head of each party  first minister &  health minister. They soon got the message 

best wishes 

Liz & OH xx

As David2017 says: " sounds like he has given up and wants to die.  Sadly, that is his choice and all you can do is give him the facts."

Clearly he has been very fit and active, but I haven't noticed any ref to his age? I suspect that beyond a certain age the thought of "invalidity" hits those who have been relatively fit and active hardest. Certainly true for me at 77. 

BUT IF this is his stance then he needs to own it and formalise it, only fair on you.

Seems you are so close that you can be blunt with him, although it will not be an easy conversation. Does he or does he not want to live irrespective of Quality of Life?

My kindest thoughts are with you and dad.

Dave.

He is 67 but a really young 67 aswell so it’s really sad ! Pure denial and lies in bed all day every day getting weaker and weaker never ever even picked up a phone to ask questions I do everything ! It’s selfish now I think 

Not much of an age then.

Sounds denial as much, if not more, as decision. All the more reason for blunt words. 

My sympathy.

Dave.

Well as you can probably see I can’t do much more , I don’t even think my dad can see how much it’s hurting me , I do have 2 brothers but they are stronger than me they won’t go round until he sorts himself out , we’re as I can’t just leave him he’s my dad before all this he was amazing with me he’s give me a really good life so I feel like it’s my job , but he’s not helping himself thinks because he can walk to the toilet and back it’s amazing so will tell the doctors he’s ok won’t even admit he’s lost about 3 stone , his tshirt is like a night gown it’s complete neglect on his part ! I make him brush his teeth and clean his nails and make sure his bed is clean I push him to have a cup of tea even a slice of toast , he’s got full bloods next week I’m hoping for a miricle and they send him in hospital ( cruel I no ) but I’m not medical he needs medical care and no matter what I do or what I say no one is listing to me , I even rang a ambulance 3/4 weeks ago they sent a on call dr who checked dad over and said he was ok , what they didn’t say is let’s see you walk , apparently all observations were good and he even said to my dad “

I wish my blood pressure was this perfect !!! 
which really didn’t help me tbh 

he’s only ticking over like he is due to the fact apart from the cancer he had never been ill in his life trained every day ate healthy never drank alcohol or smoked so his body apart from the cancer I presume is now looking after him that’s all I can’t think it’s madness honestly 

No, comes a point where YOU can do no more. A united front from you and your brothers worth trying if you can convince them. Maybe shock him with a refusal of treatment form to sign?

(This has reminded me to update my refusal and send new copies to GP, Oncology, Hospitals and Ambulance Service.)

Best wishes, Dave.