Emotional feelings after PC surgery

Hi Colin

I must admit I did feel similar after I finished RT in 2017.

Completely lost really and not easy to explain.

I had some counselling which did help but I probably should have had it for a longer period.

So I would consider that and bear in mind it does get better over time.

6 months to a year I would say depending on how your mind is in normal circumstances. IE anxiety/depression 

U must give it time, you've been thru a lot

Best wishes

Steve 

The other thing is that I tended to feel worse when all over rather than during diagnostics/treatment.

Think this is because of all the hustle and bustle of going to hospital for scans and then deciding and then treatment.

And now it's all over no more hospital visits and very little hospital interaction unless cancer returns.

Steve 

My husband had his surgery nearly 12 weeks ago and he was quite down for a few weeks while I was doing everything for him. Now he's doing just about everything he was before surgery and he seems fine emotionally.

I on the other hand have started to feel the effects. This has happened to me before when I've come through a stressful experience. For 2 months I was doing everything and putting on a brave face. I put everything on hold  including seeing our kid's and grandkids because they live 250 miles away. I got through it by having a sense of humour, sometimes inappropriately but it was my way of coping. Now hubby is taking back control, including the kitchen and I'm now feeling like my jobs done and I'm surplus to requirements.

Hopefully in a few short weeks you will feel more in control and will start to feel less emotional, but take it steady.

Thank you. Yeah I thought then same it’s like everyone medically disappears. I’ve yet to see surgeon again for follow up. I’ve got physio next week for pelvic floor exercises. I was having counselling but that’s finished that was what work paid for. I’d understood a whole team would be around me including for mental health so when nurse calls me next week I’m going to ask. It is like almost alien what we go through at the time.

colin 

Could be worth paying for a bit more counselling if possible, I had 6 sessions only, I should have gone for another 6.

Good luck

Steve 

Hi Colin,

I didn't have counselling - not sure if I was offered it but I think I would have turned it down.  Perhaps I'm a bit odd.

Having the medics disappear is a good thing in my mind - when the medics turn up there is trouble afoot.

I assume you have not had your 1st post op PSA test yet.  Hopefully that will be <0.001  then things may seem brighter.

When I spoke to my 1st urologist about my initial high PSA in early 2020 I asked what would happen if I did nothing

He said I would die. He didn't know when - but the challenge was on.  It was either me or the cancer.

So every step of the way has been like a private battle.  

OK, things down below are no longer working , I am not in pain or incontinent.

At 73 I am happy to be able to do everything in my life that I would expect.

However as I also went through HT & RT I am rather tired most of the time. I've been told that will improve.

Stay positive, all your feelings will adjust with time.

Good luck

Roger

We each deal with it differently, some counseling may be helpful. No sense beating yourself up for how you feel,  time can be  the big adjuster.

I guess I dealt with it by putting it into perspective of what was going on around me and being busy

Being 11 months post, still have side effects, but the alternative was far less desirable. We lost 2 youngish family members (late 50s) to cancer the same year and a friend lost a leg in a motorcycle accident the year before. I had all my limbs, I could have surgery and be cured, must count my blessings and move on.

There are other aches and pains, complain about getting old, but thankful I have the good fortune to get old.There is always a 20% chance PC  will come back, therefore there is an 80% chance it won't. We don't know what the future holds, but I will not miss today worrying about tomorrow, what might be.and what might not. Deal with that if and when it happens. Some anxiety still pops its head up just before getting PSA results every 3 months.

I have to plan a little more to deal with incontinence, washrooms stops and changing pads, never really thought about losing the prostate and it not being there, at my age it was not overly useful anymore, although some components helped stem the flow a bit. The old todger is showing signs of life, a little more perky month by month. I can do everything I did before the surgery and am thankful the PC was found early and is gone.

Hope you have a speedy recovery and things brighten up for you.

.

Hi Colin, 

Thank you for this post. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been low but it has helped me in the process normalising where I’m at.

I am 10 weeks post surgery and have been struggling with my mental health over the last week. For me the issue is focussed on the lack of bladder control but I think that’s actually only part of a wider set of feelings that have come up through the whole process of diagnosis, treatment choice, surgery and recovery. 

I think the issue has been that I’ve been desperately trying or wanting to go back to how I was pre-op and while that has already happened in some ways in others not so. I’ve been finding it difficult to sleep in recent days and am pretty sure this is due to anxiety and not accepting what has happened as well as fear that the incontinence might never improve. I’m aware that there’s an above 80% chance that it will and even if it doesn’t there are surgical or medical options)

I have a consultation with a counsellor this week and am looking at other ways to help my sense of acceptance and wellbeing. Mindfulness, exercise etc. 

I know I can adapt to this but it’s caught me unawares. Time to give myself a break.

I sometimes feel very much as you do. My situation is possibly somewhat different as my partner of 34 years told me 12 years ago that she no longer wanted sex because it was painful for her, so I haven't indulged in sex for all of that time - BUT the realisation that I may never again be capable of the sex act still impacts on me. I am no longer a man, but merely just a being without any intimacy or love and I hate where I am and what I've got to look forward to...

It hurts!

Hi. I mentioned to you a few weeks ago that we were going to a wellbeing session at the Medway on 6th September, but you said it was too far for you to go.

It was an excellent session, with representatives from the different cancer teams a physio, dietician and Macmillan Nurse gave a talk. 

I have also found a support group called Urology Cancer Support Group West Kent. They meet every other month and they have a Facebook group as well as their own website. They hold their meetings at Gillingham golf club and they have social events. It's a bit of a trek for us too, but it's the closest support group. One of the members gave a talk at the wellbeing session about his prostate cancer journey which was really interesting.

My husband has also benefited a lot from his appointments with the physio.

I hope you start to feel more chipper soon.