Husband just been given terminal diagnosis

Hi Vallez22, just read your post, very emotional and very normal had to use a few paper hankies, I was diagnosed with incurable prostate cancer Gleason 9 T4 N1 M1b in January 21, put on Decapeptyl injection 6 monthly told l had 6 to 24 month's, and passed to oncology and put Enzalutamide 4* 24 easy.

Please read my profile, to see my journey, that's the Flower pot man icon.

All the best Ulls 

Hi Vallez,

I  find it difficult not to cry when I read your story. I have found that prayer might help when all else fails. When I go to sleep and close my eyes I talk to God inside me. This conversation gives me strength and I concentrate on what I wish for. Even if you don't believe in a conventional God, there is a power that makes everything and it can be inside all of us. Your own bodily strength can takeover. Just concentrate and ask for help directly. Belief can be a medicine too. I can only wish that your prayers be answered soon.

Hi Castor, nice to see some one else has my bed time rituals, I agree it gives piece of mind, hi Vallez22 how are you doing, any Chang in your situation.

My oh is now on enzalutamide after no response to ht , and chemo , he was diagnosed with mets to spine hips and robs unfortunately he has extensive bone mets now so waiting to see how enzalutamide is working , unfortunately not many options but also angry at the times theve taken to test to realise its not working making spread worse, its so scary and the unknown is making me ill as well 

Hi Anubis,

your post has given me great comfort too as my husband was started on Arbiterone 18 months ago also with terrific results so far. We are always looking over our shoulder but becoming more and more confident in how effective it is for extending life for years! 
my husband had the shock diagnosis already at stage 4 with lung and bone mets and despite this he is still working full time!

all the best to everyone and I’m sending you all much love.

Louli xxx

Hi Tina a delay by the GP is what caused me to be incurable, if you tap my icon the flower pot man and look at my profile. All the best Ulls 

Thank you everyone who has taken the time and energy to respond to my post. Sorry not to have updated for a while, but we have been up and down to the hospital having lots of tests that have thankfully allowed Mr V to start on the PARP inhibitor trial. They have seen good results but he could, of course, be on a placebo - we won’t know. He is having the aberatirone as well so that should still reduce the numbers (which now stand at 170). They are hopeful and so are we - it’s all you can be isn’t it? 

on the really positive side, for everyone in our situation now and to come, is the news that they hope in 12 months time to have a promising new drug approved for use (a halt for spread rather than a cure) and they also have seen ‘exciting’ promise in DNA based trials which could be the magic key we’re all waiting on. We just need to stay alive until then. 

I have read each and every one of your messages and have taken comfort from the success stories. I would love to take comfort from the prayers but, at this moment, can only feel anger with the god that chooses to allow these things to happen to good people. I’m sure, in time, my thinking may change but that it where I am now and it feels better to be honest. 

Thank you all again - here’s to the hope we all hold for the future. 

I’m so pleased to hear that there are some glimmers of hope on the horizon for you and for all men with this disease. Like you, I have felt anger. I think that us women ( perhaps men too?) work our way through the 7 stages of grief: 

• Shock. 
• Denial. ...
• Anger. ...
• Bargaining. ...
• Depression. ...
• Acceptance and hope. ...
• Processing grief.

this is supposed to be the ‘order’ but it’s commonly understood that our emotions don’t always follow a set order!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  My husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 with bone mets two years ago.  He's been on Enzalutamide, which was working well, but he now has two new drug-resistant sites.  When they thought there was just one, he was going to be given radiotherapy, but after discovering the second that's been cancelled and he's going to be assessed for chemo next week.  I'm frankly terrified.

I'm not a believer but that doesn't stop me praying to - I guess science - that one of the new treatments will become available in time.  He's trying so hard to keep himself well, he exercises regularly.  He's on the THRIVE program, which does online exercise classes specifically for men with prostate cancer. If it or something similar is available where you are, I strongly recommend it, it's done him so much good.  It helps make him feel he's actively involved in his own treatment, as well as helping him stay fit. 

This is so hard, and so unfair.  My husband is the best man I know, my dear kind love of my life, and I can't bear the thought of losing him so soon.  We were supposed to get old together, and annoy the other nursing home residents giggling over silly jokes in the corner.

We don't have children together.  He has three from his previous marriage, they're good people.  We haven't told them the latest development yet, but we'll have to - we were supposed to get together at Christmas but he's not going to be up to driving and I don't even know if he'll be up to socializing.  It doesn't help that one of them is just out of chemo, though the prognosis in their case is good. 

I don't know that I have anything helpful to say - apart from the THRIVE program.  I do know that I personally have been really reluctant about reaching out for support, and I need to get over that.  On the rare occasions I've actually managed to, some people have been wonderful.  Others...not so much.  But support is out there, and these sort of circumstances are when you find out who your real friends and the family of your heart really are.

I wish you all the best. 

And I'm so very sorry to hear that you've had some really bad news. It's so tough for you both.  I also hope the chemo goes well and does the job! I think we are all waiting for the wonder drug, magic bullet or whatever there may be out there. In years to come historians will look back at this time and say how horrible the treatment for any cancer was for us all. I personally have great difficulty in actually seeing my husband struggle - it's almost like his pain becomes my pain and I just can't cope. So, Im dreading the radiotherapy. I've been comforting myself by telling myself that it's a long way off but the date draws ever closer. 

I will be thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed.