Caring for a loved one with cancer

Hi Well wisher and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

I'm sorry to read how poorly your partner has been recently and it's perfectly natural to be feeling as you do.

As you know, the online community is divided into different support forums so I'm going to recommend that you also join and post in the supporting someone with incurable cancer forum which is for carers, friends and families of people with an incurable diagnosis to discuss their emotions and support each other.

If you'd like to join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

Sending virtual (((hugs)))

I am so sorry to read your words. In all description I was in your situation 3 years ago. I think one advantage, for me was I wasn't present with my brother (75) when he met with his Consultant who confirmed "the spread of cancer" So I remained unaware as he kept it from me. A few months of kindness by him perhaps. After his Whipple, his drain episode, his weight gain, we had a 'hope' which kept us both upright a focus on recovery. 

When news of Palliative treatment only arrives, it's devastating. I can only say of our own experience-that he was upright, walking driving, he did have good days, Social outings and it was only in his final 3 weeks did he slow down and want to sleep most hours of the day. He didn't wish to do Paliative Chemo. It was his choice. In my own nietivity I thought he was looking so well RIGHT NOW  he chose himself not to go through the regime of paliative chemo. But I read on here how it can delay deterioration of health. 

In hindsight I look at our time together I reflect on what I should have done more of (and didnt) I wish I'd asked him " how are you feeling, what can I do today. What do you want to do today" as I was to busy swept along on pushing - oh come on... oh eat this... get up, come on, you need to walk.. I should have not been SO pushy -of course I didn't know of the spread of cancer. 

I needed to take him gently (when in our circumstance) he had a sudden water retention in his legs badly. It didn't stop us, we got into the car, on most days and I drove him around our old haunts where we used to live some special memories and those precious chats. Knocking on his pals doors as he remained in the car, when they came outside - to stand and chat and today I hang onto those active days. He needed nothing, more than pareceptomol. 

His fluid on his legs became serious so he was admitted to hospital saying " they've told me I've 3 weeks" 

1. No way was I accepting that. It's words that broke me. I can relate to all you write. I hope you find the strength to comfort him. I used this site to help me. 

It is hard to accept and I keep hoping that a cure will be found soon.  He was told that people can live up to 5 years after the Whipple and sometimes longer.  I just can't stop crying so this forum helps a little bit.