I am new, hi and good evening

Hi Twistfish and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

I'm sorry to read that you've recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and that you're having difficulty getting your son to understand that you are ill.

Macmillan have this booklet called Talking About Cancer which you can either download or send for a paper version of. It might be helpful to have this to hand when talking to your son and go through it together.

When you sit down with your son, could you try saying something like:

• This is going to be difficult, but I need to tell you something, or
• You know I have been feeling unwell for a while. I have had some tests and they have found out what is wrong.

Also try giving the information in small chunks and check that your son understands what you’re saying before you carry on. You could also ask things like, ‘does that make sense?’.

I hope you find a way of talking to your son.

Sending a big (((hug)))

Hello. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I can relate as in the same situation. My son is 31 and we are very close. I was dreading telling him about my cancer. I didn't know what to say. In the end I decided to sit with him and just say it how it was  ... I've not been well lately and had some tests and unfortunately I have cancer. They doesn't mean I'm going to die it means I have to have chemotherapy and I won't be as active as I was. Life will be different and we will find a new normal. 

That's pretty much how I spoke to all of my kids individually. I also said if they ever felt upset or frightened about it they needed to ring me and talk it through as i also felt scared at times. 

My older son like yours doesn't accept I am ill. He refuses to discuss it and if he does he gets upset and walks away. I think it's because he is afraid of the unknown and afraid of seeing mum unwell and being helpless. Maybe your son is feeling this way?

You will find the words to talk to him. Much love to you. Violet x

Hi Violet, thank you for those words, am feeling better knowing someone else is going through this. I will sit and address the issues to my son. Will let you know how I get on x

Hi Teistfish, my husband who is 47 was diagnosed with PC at the end of September and finished his first round of chemo on Friday. 
it’s very difficult isn’t it talking to the children, I have two very young teens( 12 & 14) and a nearly 19 year old who is at Uni 4 1/2 hours away, I am 42. 
My eldest is the same way and does not want to discuss it or talk about her dads diagnoses, I have explained that if dad is having a good dad then I will tell her what we are up to if his having a bad day I won’t tell her.

I have asked her to talk to friends or see her pastoral care at Uni. But I’m really unsure what else I can do to support her. 
i believe some take the news at different paces And maybe just give him a few weeks then try again to talk to him. 
sending hugs 

Chrissid