Struggling with Dads diagnosis

Hello sorchaadune

I am truly sorry to hear this about your Dad and this is very worrying for you and your family. I don't have medical qualifications. I'm here because my husband had pancreatic cancer and his story is, in some ways, similar to your dad.

I can't really comment on the reason for not going ahead with surgery immediately but my understanding is that if the tumour is resectable at the time of diagnosis surgery will go ahead as soon as possible. In some instances chemo is used to try to reduce the tumour so that whilst it isn't immediately resectable it can become so. It may be the oncologist thought that to use chemo might reduce the cancer and get a better surgical outcome.

What I have learned having been on this forum for a while is that pc is very variable. For some people chemo is amazing at shrinking tumours or holding back growth. For others, my husband was one of them, it makes very little difference.

My advice, and I think others will say the same, is to take one day at a time. Try to find enjoyment in each day. A phone call, a text for those not in the same household.

The other thing you will find is that you and your family, including your Dad, are far stronger than you think you are. For me the worry of what might happen was greater than the stress of things happening.

Finally, if you have not done so think about phoning the Pancreatic Cancer UK helpline. They are experts and kind and compassionate.

Squeaky

Hi I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad's news. My husband was diagnosed in november and is only 55, and our kids are only just adults. I know that different things work for different people, but we found it immensely calming to be very practical - we accepted it as it is, didn't spend time thinking about fairness or "if onlys" and got all our affairs in order - our kids were included in all of this  (and actually there was a lot of laughter and joking!). Then, once we had got our heads round it, as Squeaky suggests, we just focussed on enjoyment - that could be as simple as sharing a treat, music, little things that give pleasure in the moment. All the way through so far, we have felt very lucky - firstly, that we have good relationships as a family meaning that no trauma to complicate things. Secondly, that we are in a country where there is good palliative care/treatment. Thirdly, the affection and love from all of our friends and neighbours, especially in lockdown, has been very much appreciated and we have accepted everything offered, with gratitude.  I hope you and your family find a way forward that works for you, those on this forum will be thinking of you

Hi Squeaky,

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I'm so sorry that you lost your husband to PC. I come from a healthcare background and feel I have processed most of the information well, and understood why chemo was done before attempting surgery, however my parents are really struggling with this. 

I absolutely agree that taking one day at a time is the best approach going forward - this is something I'm very used to telling patients myself (I am a therapist in neuro-rehab), however I'm struggling to get this message across to my family. I'm hoping they will accept this with time. 

I appreciate you taking the time to respond, your words gave me a lot of comfort.

Hi there, thank you so much for your kind words. im so sorry to hear about your husband, however I'm encouraged that you and your family are enjoying every moment together.

I'm struggling being away from my whole family right now as I am extremely close to all of them. I know I will have to make a decision about when to go home at some point, but I'm not sure when is the right time. I really want to have quality time with Dad before he becomes very unwell and unable to get out for walks, etc., but it will be hard to predict when things may change.

I am thinking of you and your family - it brings me comfort that we are all going through this together and can be of some support during this awful time.

Hi Sorchaadunne

Thanks for your response. Just one other thing I have noticed. We all deal with this in different ways. It would be great if your folks were able to take one day at a time but if they feel they want to get by another way then maybe that's best for them.

Squeaky

Hi 

My husband was diagnosed with locally advanced PC in February and given 16 months we were told it wasn’t operable. We started chemo in March 20 and just completed our first round of gems + abrax. As this is the first cycle I have nothing to compare it too but I would say his symptoms were mild. Each week he had a different symptom/ side effect   But nothing horrific the first 3 weeks were difficult but that was more trying to adjust to being in lockdown and working out a routine. Symptoms occurred around day 2 - 3 post chemo and then he was fine day 4-6. In week 4-6 he had no symptoms or side effects he looked healthy. He lost 20kg in 3 months leading up to chemo but we have stabilised his weight. He has protein shakes which the dietician recommended which have helped him again a few kg. He had his first scan last week and his tumour reduced 50% so now we are doing another round starting this week in the hope that it might shrink further. We have been told that now there might be a chance at having surgery. Obviously a surgeon is going to want to lower the risks of surgery so another round of chemo. We just focus on each day I don’t want to think about the future as I need my energy focused on what we need today to give us the best shot at fighting this. Wishing your family all the best and feel free to ask any questions. 

Dear Sorchaadunne, 
I am so sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis and thought sharing my own experience about my dad's illness may be of some help: 
When my dad was diagnosed with PC last year we were told exactly the same as your dad, that we caught it early, one doctor advised us to go for surgery straight away but another doctor advised us to wait and go for radio and chemo first to reduce the size of tumour. We opted for the surgery but once they opened him, they realised that cancer had already spread and he was inoperable so they stiched him back and my brother and I regreted it because both of us convinced our dad to go for surgery sooner than later. Once all was over, we could not help thinking perhaps if we went with the advice of second doctor his body would be stronger to handle the chemo, but putting him under the knife made him really weak and frail afterwards so he could not cope with chemo etc etc.

As Squeaky mentioned PC is very variable and each case is different from another. I don't think there is a right or wrong decision with PC. We just need to rely on advice of professionals and take one day at a time.... 

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and all those who are affected by PC one way or another. Xx