Found out my grandma has just been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer

Hi hopeisallaround

I am sorry to hear this.

From my experience of caring and being with a person with terminal PC the best thing is to let your Grandma take the lead. Listen to what she wants to talk about and, if she is up for it, take her on a few outings. If she doesn't want to speak about her illness don't worry. And don't stress too much about her eating if she doesn't feel hungry.

You will find that there are some very good days amongst the less good ones.

Squeaky

Hi Squeaky

Thank you for your reply, at the minute I just feel numb, and want to spend as much time with her as possible and learn as much about her life as I can in the last few weeks/months.

I want to know all about her life, and what her hopes and dreams were and what her proudest moments are, and also if she could pass on any words of wisdom to us. And I want to film it so I've got a lasting memory of her. The thing is I don't want to overwhelm her and I feel like im being selfish im all over the place and don't know the best thing to do.

Thanks

Hi Hope

Be led by what your Grandma wants to do. Just take things gently and slowly and I am sure that she will tell you all about her life.

Squeaky

Hi Squeaky.

thank you for your reply, I think I'm just cautious of how much time we have left, and I want to savour each moment. I just feel in limbo at the minute, about what to do and how to feel, is it selfish that I want her to be here and not to go? Is it selfish that im thinking about me, and the fact that it's not upsetting for the ones who die, its upsetting for the ones who are left behind.

thanks

Hope.

Hi Squeaky.

I went and saw my Grandma last night and she was in good spirits, despite the obvious C word, she just wanted us to be normal, however I didn't feel like I could, when I know that I'm going to lose her pretty soon, I keep having up an downs of acceptance, is that normal? I also cant concentrate with anything and just want to soak up as much time with her as I have left.

Hope.

Hi Hope

What you are feeling just now is normal because your whole ‘normal’ is changing. Of course you want your Grandma to be around for ever and thinking about what will happen does leave you up and down.

Many people when they are terminally ill want things to be as normal as possible. Take your lead from your Grandma and do the things she wants to do. If she’s a wee bit reticent about sharing memories don’t worry. Do the things you normally do.

Your concentration will be affected but that will go back to normal. If possible just try to take one day at a time. Yes, the inevitable will happen but you don’t know when so enjoy each day as it comes.

pop in here and chat. There are others here and they will join in too.

Squeaky

Hi,

Just a quick update, my Grandma has now said that she is seeing visions that are distressing her of faces, and ghosts that are running around her living room, and that are stood at the side of her.

She left the gas on Sunday and we thought maybe she had gassed herself, however she keeps seeing them now, however she recognises the fact that she is having these, and they aren't real, as she said my dad sees them too so I must be going loopy.

I'm really overwhelmed and confused at the minute as to whether this is the end, and the cancer has made its way to her brain, or her body is preparing now for the end.

Have any of you ever experienced this?

thanks

Hope

Hello Hope

Is your Grandma taking any medication as this might cause her to see things.

Squeaky

Hi Squeaky

The only medication that I am aware of her being on is the one to help breakdown the enzymes when she eats, and amitriptyline, but that's for pain she was prescribed with before she got her diagnosis.

What concerned me the most was the fact that she had said, "It's ok my dad sees them too" in the present tense, it wasn't in the past tense, so maybe she can see my great granddad.

I'm going round tonight to see her, just to make sure she's ok and to reassure her because I think the images she are seeing are upsetting, however she can distinguish dreams from reality,

thanks

Hope

I was reading some articles last night about people seeing visions and it made me feel comforted in a way, because they were describing how they were seeing relatives guiding them, and it made me feel better about my Grandma, and made me think maybe my great granddad is calling her home, and that's comforting in a way that she is seeing him again.