Newcomer - pancreatic cancer diagnosis

Hello Johna

Welcome to the online community and the pancreatic forum.

I am sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and I can understand that it is a worrying time for you. I hope that your biopsy today goes ok and that you will not have to wait too long for the results. 

My own cancer was endometrial so I hope it is ok to reply but sometimes it can take a little longer for someone in similar circumstances to see your post and offer some support.

I was lucky in that my cancer tests were done quickly and I had my diagnosis and started treatment in a month. I know even during this time the waiting around for results and clarification about treatment was really hard. It was a time where I had lots of questions and worries and I was still at the stage without clear answers. 

Personally I found that once I had a named consultant, a cancer nurse and a firm idea of treatment- things did feel a bit more in control. I then found I had something proactive to do (surgery, chemo and radiotherapy) and I was able to focus on that. 

I understand the feeling of it being a bit surreal and like it is happening to someone else.- for me I think it took time to process it all and the testing and appointments can feel overwhelming and physically and mentally take a lot out of you. 

Trying to keep some routine helped and also talking to family and friends. Sleep can be  tough and it can feel like there is so much going on in your mind. 

Mine also came out of the blue and I remember feeling swept sideways- it felt a bit of a shock. 

I understand the feeling that you want the definite diagnosis but also that it is scary to hear it. For me though I found that once I knew exactly what I was dealing with, it did help. 

Do give the Support Line a call if it would help to talk things through. Sometimes it can feel a bit easier to talk to someone neutral. They are there from 8am-8pm everyday.

Hopefully someone who has been through a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer will see your post now and offer some more specific support but in the meantime, if there is anything you need, then please do ask.

Jane

Hi Johna

I am sorry to read of your diagnosis. This awful cancer due to its position presents late , I was fortunate in turning yellow , jaundice, so got prompt referrals. It’s been 6 months since diagnosis so I feel very lucky.

The wait for tests has been referred to as scanxiety, the wait for the scan, the wait and worry of the results and it feels like forever. What if they lose the results? What if, what if?

cancer is a physical and mental trial, friends might understand the physical but the mental has to be experienced, even our most empathetic friends and family don’t know how it feels to recognise death is close. I found it very surreal , this was not really happening, it must be a dream. The more I talked about it, the easier I felt. I got so much support from friends and family. I settled into my prognosis. 

I am fortunate, on the outside I look good, sufficient energy and eating well, I can, sometimes, forget I have cancer. At times I felt guilty cos I look so well and those on the outside cannot  see the tumour, the possible secondaries and the mental turmoil. Don’t get me wrong there are still difficult days, I spent the bank holiday weekend in hospital with an infection. That brought the possibility of death more in focus. I do grieve for the loss of my future life, I worry about  my dear wife of 50 years. I can easily weep on thinking about my granddaughters and their events I shall miss. 

Take care of yourself, you are right to feel as you do, that’s not weakness but natural. You are overwhelmed, that’s the beginning , you have had horrible news. Maybe with others help, there is counselling available , you will move to another place. I found being open and talking to family and friends helped. So did this site plus pancreatic cancer uk. 

I am not sure I have a positive frame of mind, but mostly I am relaxed I am honest with myself about death and its imminence and still have hope for a few more months. I hug my family more and appreciate their love and support we avoid looking to far ahead. 

I hope that sometime, not far away, you will have times when the cancer is forgotten, pushed out by the joy and love of family and friends. Walking through the fields and woods help me too. But I have written enough for now.