Hello everyone - newfound carer here!

Hi JenTheeLaw 

Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.

I am Steve, one of the community champions and my experience of cancer is via my wife who has Leiomyosarcoma.

For my wife she is very mobile, perhaps more so than me so I guess that might be a key element with your mum. You are right though that it is very important to remember to look after ourselves and something that can help with that is trying to share the load. With my parents actually most looking after was done by my sisters but I would provide some cover when they were both busy and that was quite a speical memory for me. 

You might also like to look at our groups Carers only forum and Family and friends forum that give support to those in the caring role.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hey

Good to meet you! My Mum aged 80 was also diagnosed with Ovarian cancer IIIc in April and I have pretty much moved in with my parents to look after her. Fortunately I am self employed so was able to do it but am finding it tricky to juggle my business and looking after her. She has had 2 cycles of chemo so far and is super fatigued. Like you, my Mum is my best mate so I wouldn't be anywhere else right now but it is quite a learning curve! I don't really have any advice on balancing life but thought it would be good to connect with someone in the same boat!

I am absolutely NOT in your position but I have been through two rounds of chemo fighting ovarian cancer and I could not have done it on my own.  I am lucky enough to have a husband here but what I wanted to say to you is that it is wonderful that you are fulfilling the most important role, and that is for your mother not to feel alone.  If she feels that you are a team fighting the cancer, and you are with her for the important meetings and helping to sort out visits to the hospital and maybe even taking on the responsibility for keeping the fridge stocked then, for me, that is the absolute best you can do.  

What I did not want was my husband giving up all his social activities and he doesn't.  He continues with various clubs and outings and even went on a 3-week pre-planned motorbiking trip because I insisted.  I wanted him to be able to let off steam and not feel his life was limited by my illness.  Your mum will be the same.  She will want you to have fun, get away, work and enjoy life.  She just needs to feel you are her team and will be there if she needs you.  I think cancer does make you feel vulnerable, but having a fit, strong person on your team helps you know you can defeat it.

You are doing a wonderful job!

I'm like spooks, have ovarian cancer but aged 78.  I had the 6 rounds of chemo,at 3 weekly intervals from March, now on avastin.   it was really the first week of each cycle where I needed to be in bed most of the time and had weakness of the legs, I was just about able to walk to the bathroom and back.    My appetite was rubbish and I needed just light stuff and plenty of water.   During chemo your taste changes and I definitely went off tea.  After the first two sessions I found  I got into a routine as you then know what to expect and life revolves around the calendar.  Following the chemo and dexamethasone the tiredness sets in for about a week and gradually improves so the third week I could do odd jobs and do a little shop.  Just needed to rest afterwards.  I found I had no concentration, couldn't read a book just wanted to sleep.  Watching TV was about the most I could manage.  I don;t know how fit or well your mum was before the diagnosis but I needed my husband to bringi up snacks and drinks when I was in bed, (he wasn't well at the time so I asked him to do the minimum).   My daughters did the initial shopping and got bread and milk, and I ordered readymeals from Wiltshire farm foods for my husband when I didn't feel like eating, he could heat that himself, & ordered click and collect shopping for my husband to pick up and started having a cleaner fortnightly, as I couldn't vacuum or change the bed.    He wasn't up to going to appointments & treatment sessions with me so my daughters took turns - I really appreciated their company and reassurance.     I hope that helps your thinking.    Your mum will definitely need help that first week of the 3 and reassurance and a chat, and practical things like checking her temp etc but you will definitely have time for a social life - it's just getting into a routine.   Good luck and I wish your mum well        Pat

Thanks for the reply. It sounds like my mum is probably more frail - we are on day 13 of her second cycle and she’s still super fatigued and weak. She needs help to walk to the loo etc and is mainly just quietly in her chair. I hope she does get some more energy in the coming days before the next cycle. I hope your recovery is going well! 

Thanks spooks. Yes you’re right but at the moment she does need me here all the time as I don’t think she was as strong as you were going into it. I’m speaking regularly to the nurses and oncologists about how we can help her more tho. Thanks so much for your reply

Thank you very much Steve! I have had to wave the flag with my siblings and let them know I cannot do it all alone so hopefully with support we can be the best team for my mum