Does anyone else feel like they are attention seeking to talk about their cancer experience?

Hi Maggiemark09 

I feel the same. I've been very lucky and always had a lot of support when cancer is actually being treated. I don't really talk about it any other time because like you I feel that people are fed up with it and thinking "oh enough, just get over it already". That's never once been said to me, but it's what I think. That's why I joined the community this time around because people here should get it.

Sometimes I want to scream out "hey you know what, I'm still hurting from all of this". I just want a hug and validation that I have been through a lot, I'm still going through a lot and to be reassured that it is perfectly ok to be upset if I am having a bad day. It's hard enough going through the physical impact of cancer; the emotional trauma is in a different league.

So I am sending you a virtual hug today in the hope that it might help to make your day a little easier x

You are definitely not a attention seeker bless your heart, it's very hard to deal with being told you have cancer, I had a mole removed and it came back it was cancer hearing that just knocked me off my feet....I really found it hard to get my head around! It is life changing as I've been told I have had skin cancer just hearing that word made me go into shut down mode...I've had the operation to remove more skin from around the area and had the lymph nodes removed it had spread to my lymph nodes I just couldn't believe it as they were so convinced it was caught early and there was like a 15% it would of spread to my lymph nodes....so being told it had was such a shock....

I have everyone saying you need to stay positive....I get that but when you are dealing with and trying to process in your own head it's really hard....

You take care and be kind to yourself sending you a big (((hug))) x

Hello, all of what you mention is why I joined the forum. I try and deal with what I can and folk think I am dealing with it well, BUT the emotional part is the worst! When I was first told, I thought I was never going to function again, what would be the point of eating or sleeping again. But a lovely nurse spoke to me and although she couldn’t tell me everything was going to be all right, the fact she took the time with me was enough to settle me for a sleep, then I noticed I was hungry for breakfast and things started to form in a different way.

My dad died from lung cancer, he lived 2 weeks following his diagnosis because he did not want treatment. I always thought I’d be like that if I ever got cancer BUT I took the treatment and my mind set can be very positive but it is equally (usually when I’m on my own)) not so positive and I totally understand your ‘empty’ feeling.

You are entitled to talk about your cancer without feeling you shouldn’t, don’t shut yourself down for  other folk. And if you don’t want to get out of bed one day, stay in it and rest without feeling guilty. I like a duvet day to re charge my brain. I get exhausted physically, but we don’t give our mental health enough attention. Remember there are organisations that can help if you feel you need it: GP, mind, Samaritans and this forum.

What do you like doing? Do you have hobbies you can do while resting. Have you ever gave yourself a whole 6 weeks to focus on just you, and what you’d like to do? 
A broken limb takes at least 6 weeks to heal. You have no choice but to rest until it heals. Try and be kind to yourself, do not beat yourself up for not doing what folk want of you. 
Some days I get so annoyed - and I tell myself I’m bloody well entitled to be! And so are you - even after 3 years.

I hope something spurs you on, but until then look after you!

Hi Wanda62

Thank you for your reply.

I think until it happens to you, you can never really understand which in a way I'm grateful most people I know don't understand. I joined this community but have struggled mentally to stick at it, but your reply has made a big difference and has made me see there are people to talk and listen to.

Thanks for the virtual hug it does make a difference and I'm sending one straight back.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply, it does mean a lot x

Hi Doris12,

Firstly thanks for the reply.

I know it's crazy how that one word cancer can damage you mentally as well as physically. I know myself that I still can't get my head round it. And I agree, though is nice for everyone to say stay positive and it would be amazing if you could flick a switch, sometimes you feel just once that just one day off, one day for you to feel sorry for yourself and others just be there for you may help. There no way you're going to let cancer win but it is so hard to be positive all the time not just for you but others too. I see you have sons, I have daughters and we will never give up, hopefully time will ease some of the trauma. But remember it's okay not to be okay, and even though you are going through this hard time, you replied to me and helped me see there are people out there that make a difference. That's why I really appreciate your reply and the big hug. 

Sending you a big hug and best wishes

Please take care and you too be kind to yourself x

Hi Hevallan,

Thanks for your reply it very much appreciated.

You're right, we should be able to talk about it and we should be able to have me time. I think maybe that's where I have gone wrong, from being told about the cancer I have spent my time hiding and making sure everyone around me is okay. And if it was a broken bone we would be told to rest and look after ourselves. And i love the duvet day, thats sounds like a must.

Just being on here and getting replies from yourself and others has picked me up and your advice has helped. And I thank you very much.

Thanks again and you too take of yourself

I've gone back to work as I want some normality back, been of for almost 10wks due to operation on my shoulder and armpit, I knew I couldn't go back straight away I was only hoping to be off for 2 weeks max but 10wks I work at school with children that have additional needs and they are full on, went back  Monday and my arm still isn't strong enough, I love my job and not being able to job to the best that I can is absolutely soul destroying. It makes me feel useless so I've had be signed to light duties, and with that puts pressure on everyone else I work with.....I'm still waiting to have a CT scan and an MRI that's in 2 weeks and then have to see the consultant.....so it does change your life. Its just absolute bleep bleep.

Thankyou for your kind words 

Remember be kind to yourself xx

I can only try to imagine how hard it is not to be able to do a fulfilling job such as yours, but remember all you have done before and what you will do after. This is just a little time where you must put yourself first and give the body the time it needs. Remember all the lives you have touched and children you have helped and you will get back to doing that again.

You have been so kind to me in  such a short time, please be kind to yourself.

Hopefully the scans bring good news and that it boosts you in your journey to the new normal.

Take care and thanks again for the boost you have given me xx

Thankyou for you lovely words I've been working in schools for just over 20 years and I've never had to be off work, I don't like to be off work as I love what I do.... but this has has really messed with my head, 

I need to find the new normal for me! and I hope very soon I can get back to what I love the most....

 I just feel so bad not being at work as I'm not someone that has a lot of time off so really struggling with that too at the minute.

Big hugs to you my lovely and a big ((((hug)))) xx

Hi,

I totally understand how you feel. I'm at the early stages having had been diagnosed with malignant melanoma in February this year.

Now my normal life seems a million years ago and my new life is hospital appointments, scans, procedures and feeling paranoid about every little ache and pain 

Unfortunately for me it looks like it has spread the original site as a CT scan showed large lymph nodes in the groin. Had a biopsy today and now waiting for the results. Currently booked in for a WLE and SLNB but these are now depend on what the biopsy show.

You are certainly not attention seeking but it hard to say the least. It's amazing how much detail of your illness you can tell people when they ask if you want but I tend to save that for close friends and family.

For me seeing my loved ones go through it with you is the worst thing. I have accepted my mortality but it's so very difficult to think of a future when you aren't in it....it breaks me thinking of not seeing my children grow up and my wife being alone.

I hope you have the inner strength to keep going and your treatment is successful.

Sorry I've just realised this is fairly long... apologies 

Take care and sincere best wishes to you