New diagnosis. Good news and guilt

Congratulations on finding that lethal melanoma early! Maybe it would help to think your brother would be really glad for you that you were vigilant in monitoring your skin. With your family history of siblings having melanoma, your risk goes up, so keep up the skin checks. Because of your experience with your brother, you are more aware than most people are of their skin. I've come to be more aware how the skin, the largest organ of our body, is a living landscape covering our bones. A lot is going on microscopically, a real marvel.

Cindy 

Thank you for your reply. You are right and the positive side is definitely the way forward. I wish my crazy brain would let me say that more often. 

Hi Tristan

I'm not surprised you feel the way you do and I am sure you and your family have never recovered from this and never will completely.  If like me you have to watch the rapid decline and death of someone so very dear to you from melanoma you are never going to forget it. Even after 30 years in my case the feelings can leave you struggling at times. As has already been said I'm sure that your brother would be so pleased you are monitoring your skin. I'm pleased that you got early attention paid to what you had and it was removed.  I am sure your brother would want you to live the best life you can, and mean time allow your emotions to recover in their own good time, at least that is what I do.  In no way are you an imposter.  

I lost my husband just before his 38th birthday 30 years ago when there were no treatments at all. Strangely no one told us that with the removal of his lymph glands he was in all certainty terminally ill, so me becoming pregnant and the final stages of melanoma coming out in his body coincided.  I have since had melanoma.  My husband, myself and our son are or were (faded!) redheads.  My consultant was one of those who worked on finding the faulty genes in redheads.  So if  this is you and your brother or you carry the genes for red hair be careful. 

Our son even in childhood had strange moles, but each time I wondered about one, it was yet another trip to the hospital,  Now in his 20s his moles have exploded in number and look similar to his father's moles. Since I was diagnosed I have managed to get the hospital to take him more seriously and he is now recorded as having atypical moles syndrome, a strong family history and multiple large naevi.  He was photographed but the photos were pretty useless.  In January things improved as he had computer assisted mole mapping and will have digital photo-dermoscopy surveillance every six months.  At the same time they found two areas, one so tiny, they want to keep an eye on and this system will allow them to do so.

I am wondering if now that you have had this diagnosis and this must put you into the strong family history category, whether the dermatology department you are part of is prepared to give you more support and on going checks such as my son now has.

Hi and thank you for responding.

im so sorry to hear of the tragedy and trials you’ve had to face. You are right the grieving process is a long and painful thing especially with a disease as ruthless as this.

yes you are right my brother would be please I’m careful and would want the best for me (I often feel I failed him on that as often my depression has robbed me of that) but I hope I do him proud for the most part

we are not fellow redheads but obviously something in the genes.

I have my next appointment with the hospital tomorrow and find out if I will need further surgery and all the details as all I’ve had so far is the phone call to confirm the diagnosis. I’m a little nervous they will notice another mole and want to start the process over, reset the clock. 

I hope you and your son continue to get attention this deserves.

all the best 

Tristan - I do hope all went well at the hospital appointment and that you could ask questions and perhaps even got some emotional support to get you through this.  I would also like to think that they have or will put you in a category, like my son, that ensures extra care will be given to you in the future.

All the best to you as well.

Hi Tristan,

This is my first time joining here but just wanted to say that I’m also going through the same thing. I hope that gives you some level of comfort as it does for me.

I sadly lost my mum when I was 10 to melanoma (unfortunately I think she left it too late to get her growing mole checked). On Tuesday I sadly received the news that a mole I had removed a few weeks ago was in fact melanoma. Like you I am trying to look at the positives as the mole was caught whilst “in situ” so hopefully that is it for this mole.

I now am in a position where I’m constantly in fear that another melanoma will appear and be a more aggressive scenario like my mums was.

Sending positive thoughts your way,

G