post melanoma stage 2b

Hi , I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis and how you feel it’s still on your mind. I want to welcome you to the online community. I wasn’t sure wether to reply to be honest, and was thinking that latchbrook and many others at stage 1 or 2 might give you are more relevant and uplifting reply than hearing from a stage 4 person, after all it sounds like I might be at the stage that you are dreading or perhaps not as I’ve had my all clear moments even after a spread, but I’m in a blip at the moment so know the feeling guilty as I’m not as bad as some others bit. I explain that to myself as my mind searching for something positive to tell myself, something to be grateful for and celebrate but in a low mood is a thought of survivors guilt that will hopefully just be acknowledged and not dwelt on.

 It sounds like you’re saying you’ve forgotten to be kind to yourself, that you are holding yourself up to a standard of perfection that doesn’t exist and isn’t helping you. I hear you say you don’t want to burden your friends and that they won’t understand, and I am wondering if you are labelling them or judging them correctly, can they not understand because they haven’t been through it, because there character has no compassion, or because you can’t explain how you feel to them as you haven’t got a handle on it yourself and they don’t yet know how to talk to you to let you express how you feel, or can’t cope with your pain as they are going through things themselves. I have friends and family in all of these categories I think, and it took a while to work out which group they fell into, but those groups aren’t static some people will surprise you and will really want to help. Others well melanomas not a real cancer is it ! 

I hope you find us a supporting bunch and that you can off load the things here as you feel someone will ‘get it’. You have called yourself booklover123 so I was thinking you might want to do some reading to help you understand how you feel or have ideas for coping and moving forward. I will put a few links in that you might find helpful and if you want to talk some more to me and/or others press reply or you might want to talk with the Macmillan support line or there is a new telephone buddy scheme that Macmillan has.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help/emotional-help

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/impacts-of-cancer/uncertainty#worrying_about_cancer_coming_back

http://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

You may also want to look at some of the discussions in the group below, different cancers but some perhaps having the same feelings ? 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/moving_on___post_treatment/discussions

I hope some of the links might help as a chatting point, I said earlier that you were perhaps not being kind enough to yourself, I mean that in the nicest way as we all do that at some point, I did a course through my local cancer centre in February and they gave out little slips of paper to put in your purse a reminder to give yourself a virtual hug.

I wanted my post to feel like that, a virtual hug but I think I’ve missed the mark, but I have thought of one more link, that may help you feel that your feelings are normal. It was a talk at the melanoma patient conference that made most of the audience including me cry for realising what they have been through when they have somehow suppressed those feelings as they just got on with things and ran out of steam to keep coping.

https://youtu.be/n-cYnYDWuZc - The link is a video of Rebecca Healy’s talk at the melanoma patient conference a year ago on the prevention and management of anxiety. 

Take care, (now if only I had a helpful hug gif, I would add it here).

Hi  and a second welcome to the online community

Your story is almost an exact copy of mine!

I was diagnosed with a Stage 2A melanoma in November 2016 and I had a WLE and SLNB in February 2017.Thankfully both of these came back clear and I'm now on the 3 monthly check-ups.

You are still in a very early stage of your recovery and I'm sure that at the same point that you are now I was spending a lot of time worrying that the melanoma might be lurking somewhere. However, I can assure you that there will come a day when it's not the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing you think about when you go to bed.

I can't say exactly when I realised I wasn't constantly thinking about melanoma but one day I suddenly realised that I hadn't thought about it for a while.

You're right that if your friends haven't experienced cancer then they don't know how you feel but they may feel unsure about what to say to you. I told all my friends about the melanoma because I found it easier than having to keep explaining why I didn't want to sit in the sun, for example.

I'm happy to chat whenever you want to 

Hi Booklover. 

I'm wondering how you are doing now. I am in the exact same boat. I got diagnosed in April last year and had my WLE in June and SnB. Both came back clear but the last few weeks I can't stop thinking about it. Don't even know why. I probably had a few months completely relaxed but started over thinking again. I. Hoping what latchbrook said above is true. At some point I'm going to wake up and not be thinking about it. Hope it is soon. My last checkup they said they will keep an eye on a mole but looking at old pictures it's been there at least 2 years and has been checked on other visits so I should put my trust in the expects and take their word when they say nothing to worry about but that is easier said than done.

Hope you are thinking more positive now and hope I will be soon too. Don't think lockdown has helped cos you are less busy than normal and more time to think.

Stevie