Melanoma diagnosis

Hi Tess57

I’m really sorry you find yourself here, but you’ve come to the right place! There are lots of people on here who have been through what you’re going through now.  Whatever happens, there will be a treatment plan for you.  The wide excision is one part of working out what that plan is.

in the meantime, try not to google as it will likely feed your anxiety.  And try to distract yourself as best as you can - I know that’s not easy, but worrying about the outcome has no impact on what the outcome is.  

And feel free to come and have a rant, moan etc on here!

Thank you so much for your reply. My partner is do positive, he just takes things as they come. So I feel so guilty to keep repeating myself on how I feel. Yes I did Google and a lot

 Made me even more depressed. Must stop. The specialist have me a full body check, also checked for any lumps or bumps from my lymph nodes areas. Couldn't feel anything, but still full of anxiety.

Really can't focus on going out, talking to anyone .

Everyone says try to get involved in doing something I enjoy, but so difficult. Can't even watch TV properly. Does it get any easier as time goes by, do you find acceptance rather than panic? I hope so, as not sure how long I can keep this up.

Thank you so much for your reply. My partner is do positive, he just takes things as they come. So I feel so guilty to keep repeating myself on how I feel. Yes I did Google and a lot

 Made me even more depressed. Must stop. The specialist have me a full body check, also checked for any lumps or bumps from my lymph nodes areas. Couldn't feel anything, but still full of anxiety.

Really can't focus on going out, talking to anyone .

Everyone says try to get involved in doing something I enjoy, but so difficult. Can't even watch TV properly. Does it get any easier as time goes by, do you find acceptance rather than panic? I hope so, as not sure how long I can keep this up.

I’m not sure if it gets easier- I still have plenty of ups and owns! BUT this waiting you’re going through is (I think) absolutely the worst part.

i have suffered badly from anxiety in the past and had some CBT to try to deal with it. The phrase I found helpful for me was “thoughts are powerful but they’re not real”, but I’m sure lots of others have different coping mechanisms.

My waiting period was over Christmas and New Year, which in retrospect made it easier- I had try to pretend to be “normal” for my kids, and “fake it til you make it” isn’t a bad mantra!

Wow, having to pretend must have been so difficult over Christmas. You must be so strong. 

I am 62 live with my partner. He had 2 now grown up children with 1, Grandson. We moved from Ramsgate to Warwickshire 2 years ago to be nearer to his family. All my friends are back there.

I gave up work recently as I couldn't focus on my job anymore due to the anxiety. 

I have been recommended to a cancer support group that meets every Tues for an hour, I just hope I can find the courage to go out and meet them, as at the moment all I keep doing is calling Macmillan and crying down the phone.

I hope you don't mind me contacting you as I go through my journey.

Hi Tess57, you’ve already had some really supportive words from SarahT57, but I thought I’d join in to wish you the best for your op. It sounds like you’ve been through one op already to get a melanoma diagnosis, as they can’t diagnose by just looking, and as Sarah says this next one is to see that treatment plan or follow up is needed. 

Things do get better, it sounds like your in full panic mode at the moment having completely written yourself off and although the uncertainty of a recurrence or progression doesn’t entirely go away, hopefully it will become a thought that you just acknowledge and move on to enjoy the day. 

You say you can’t even watch TV properly, is that because you can’t concentrate at the moment or because of the peppered adverts? I remember when I was first diagnosed that suddenly lots of programme had adverts for funeral plans, rise and recliner chairs, life insurance, Marie Curie and Macmillan, and that’s without a story line suddenly including someone being diagnosed with cancer or passing way (Neighbours, Cold Feet, Holby City, even Vera and Midsummer Murders to name just a few) actually I find them a good measure for how positive I’m feeling now. Musics the same isn’t it or is it just me, at one time songs I loved and sang along to happily suddenly had lyrics that involved  leaving a loved one,  “I can’t live if living is without you” , they are usually about love breaking up rather than dying but it can set off the wobble emotions. I think its a Genesis song that somewhere in the middle mentions a cancer growth that had completely passed me by for years and suddenly I’m thinking is there no escape !!! I then found a song to perk me up. That’s life sung by west life of all things, “riding high in April shot down in May, but I know I’m going to change my tune when I’m back on top in June”.

Do you have a trigger for feeling down ? 

Do you have anything that seems to help, for me it’s walking in the countryside, if you have coffee with a friend you have to talk but a walk with a friend, you can just walk or discuss the plants and size of cow pats ! I remember someone on here spring cleaning to  make time pass quicker. 

I found I had no local friends, I’d been working 35 miles away from my home for most of my working life and suddenly I’m no longer working, not feeling well, not active, not feeling positive. My sister had always said that friends are family you choose to have, her way of coping as she moved with her husband’s jobs and kids to Cornwall 7 hours by car from both sets of family, so she formed her own network of support through her love of music. I have my support from a love of netball and walking, meeting for the first time and then going regularly at first as a distraction, and to get fitter, and then the encouragement to keep going for company the few times a can’t play. 

I hope you find your thing or have the courage to ask for any support you need. I just knew I couldn’t get through this without a link

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping might help 

Best wishes

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, much appreciated. Still can't get mi head around everything.

Don't really have a trigger for feeling down, just feel like I am in a Fog and can't find my way home.

Yes I had my incisional biopsy just over 2 weeks ago, only found out I have Melanoma on Tuesday. 

It's a stage 2c, doctor's felt my lymph nodes, at the moment said they don't feel swollen, but I that still doesn't help me. After the op I will need a scan and that feels me with more anxiety.

At this stage all I am thinking about is that's it, I need to put my affairs in order. My partner says one step at a time, but how do I remain positive?

I see all my plans for the future disappear. 

So difficult, I just hope that I will gradually get better at acceptance and being able to live with the fear.

Sorry about sounding full of gloom. One of the Macmillan nurses have pointed me to a cancer help group that meets once a week. It's an hour of gentle walking and talking in a park near me, with coffee and cake after. So I will push myself to go. As not been out at all, can't face anything at the moment. xx

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, much appreciated. Still can't get mi head around everything.

Don't really have a trigger for feeling down, just feel like I am in a Fog and can't find my way home.

Yes I had my incisional biopsy just over 2 weeks ago, only found out I have Melanoma on Tuesday. 

It's a stage 2c, doctor's felt my lymph nodes, at the moment said they don't feel swollen, but I that still doesn't help me. After the op I will need a scan and that feels me with more anxiety.

At this stage all I am thinking about is that's it, I need to put my affairs in order. My partner says one step at a time, but how do I remain positive?

I see all my plans for the future disappear. 

So difficult, I just hope that I will gradually get better at acceptance and being able to live with the fear.

Sorry about sounding full of gloom. One of the Macmillan nurses have pointed me to a cancer help group that meets once a week. It's an hour of gentle walking and talking in a park near me, with coffee and cake after. So I will push myself to go. As not been out at all, can't face anything at the moment. xx

Hi there

i agree it’s a really tough time...I was diagnoaed

with breast cancer a month ago and am waiting to 

hear my treatment plan.. I also find it really tough 

to be positive and fear everything  I’m doing is the last

time I will be doing it ..it’s awful and is a roller coaster.

Im very up and down ...all I can say is take each dayat

a time and don’t expect too much of yourself

i am going to have to Change

my outlook but it’s tough!

x

Hi Tess57, I’m not surprised you haven’t got your head around it yet, it’s not long since Tuesday. You’ve had some positive news though, that your lymph nodes didn’t feel swollen, you have a date your next surgery and they are going to do a scan to check everything out, and that support group sounds just great, just the sort of thing I was looking for when I was first diagnosed. 

So you have your WLE (wide local excision) soon, does that include a SLNB (sentinel lymph node biopsy)? I’ve put a link in just incase you think I’m talking gibberish.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/melanoma/diagnosing/how-cancers-are-diagnosed/tests-and-scans/tests-lymph-nodes.html#17204

latchbrook and many others on here have had one if you want to ask any questions about it, I’ve had one lymph node removed and there are others who are on adjuvant treatment. I’ve had CT scans with contrast every three months since July 2015, so I’m thinking it’s not the scan as such that’s getting to you it’s the worry about what they might find, on the other hand it could be good that the scan puts your mind at rest that they don’t find any spread. I’ve found it much better taking every step at a time hoping for the best until if and when your told otherwise. I haven’t always been able to think that way about melanoma but having a positive story of melanoma ahead of me kept my eyes open to the possibility of for me going from being told I was incurable to them talking about being no evidence of disease (twice) and a follow up that might end in a few years if things remain the same, and that sounds pretty good at the moment. I’d love to be a fully positive story of being told no evidence of disease just once but perhaps my story can be one of expecting wobbles and learning how to become a bit resilient and hopeful and I hope that your story has a good ending ending to.

(I’ve just been watching a Harrison Ford Film called Regarding Henry, for all the expensive lawyers it might not have a good ending for Henry, but for all the honest, nice and romantic people it does, it seems Henry’s life will continue being pretty good) 

Best wishes