Hi all, my partner was diagnosed with Small Cell Lung Cancer and given 3 to 12 months to live last October. We were told yesterday that it has now spread to her brain. We both knew deep down that it had. For anyone who doesn't know about small cell. It's the most aggressive form of cancer and grows really quickly. It is starting to affect her brain in the way that she can sometimes feel unsteady on her feet. She is also constantly feeling sick so has a driver fitted now to slowly give her anti-sickness drugs. The new thing at the moment seems to be during the night mainly. It's like she wakes from a dream but can't differentiate dream from reality. She then wakes me and starts random conversations which I struggle to understand. Then she goes back to sleep leaving me sat wondering what just happened. Quite often she won't remember the conversations the next morning. Not sure why I am telling you all this or if any of you have experienced anything similar but it feels like it is helping me just writing it out so thanks for reading it, if anyone does read it.
She is going through all of this and yet her main concern is always me. She worries about leaving me behind to cope. Worries about me eating properly after she has gone. Worries that I may get depressed after she passes.
I just worry that I am not looking after her well enough. Is there more I could do? I can't fix her. That hurts. The only thing I can do is take care of her to the best of my ability and hope I can keep her safe, warm and comfortable in her own home for as long as possible. Sometimes it's hard to just carry on with life, to keep smiling and pretending everything is ok when life is so bloody hard but I can't let her see that. She isn't and never will be a burden to me. But she feels like she is. She is always apologising for me having to do stuff for her. I wish I could take that feeling away from her.
Anyway, enough of my rambling for now. Thanks for reading. Like I said. It's really helped just writing all this on here.
Hi Kendo57 a very warm welcome to the forum, but sorry you find yourself here. This really is a safe space to come and off load all of your thoughts, knowing they are being read by people who are in a similar situation really does help.
As Aria1 has said, you are doing a great job. No one ever expects to be the main carer for their loved ones, and it certainly comes as a shock. Being a carer is a very lonely place. There is lots of support available
Can I suggest you also join the Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum
The MacMillan support line is also available 7 days a week from 8am until 8pm on 0808 808 00 00.
