Mum with stage 4 advanced lung cancer

Hi TRAN welcome to the group, but sorry you find yourself here. I think how your mum is feeling at the moment is understandable. The start of a cancer diagnoses is very stressful and tiring, all of the tests, scans etc that you have to endure, as well as all the waiting for these results, which does feel endless! You are right to encourage her to bath, and do some light exercise  as this will help with her mental health. I know I feel better if I drag myself out for a walk around the block, even if it does take a lot of effort to do so some days.

It will be really hard for her to stop smoking at the moment, and I am certainly not an expert on how to stop. I have had family members who have had cancer diagnoses that have continued to smoke, as they had been smoking for so long, and they would tell me that it was their only pleasure left in life. I would leave this up to her medical team to discuss with her as you will only end up stressing yourself out. 

She may well be depressed with the news she has received, I think maybe you should talk to her GP about this. I would certainly mention it to her oncologist when you see him this week as well. 

This will be a very stressful time for you, and is important to look after yourself whilst also caring for your mum. It is good that you have found us here, as it is good to talk to people who are in a similar situation to yourself. You can also join the Carers only forum  Family and friends forum  groups. 

The Macmillan support line is available 7 days a week from 8am until 8pm on 0808 808 00 00 for you if you need to discuss anything or feel like you need some support,  or you can use the chat-online 

There are also Maggies centres across the UK, which are great places to go drop into for support. It is worth looking to see if you have one in your area.

Good luck for Thursday. If you think you have any questions you may want to ask then it is a good idea to write these down and take with you. Please let us know how she gets on. 

Thank you so much for your reply and I will certainly have a look at the carers forum

Hi, sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis.

With regard to you encouraging her to give up smoking, if she is stage 4 advanced, it will make no difference her giving up smoking because unfortunately the damage is already done. It would be pointless putting her under more stress by trying to get her give up, in fact having a smoke probably helps her stress levels, nicotine has a known calming effect, as any smoker under stress will tell you. 

My friend was a heavy smoker, 20-25 a day most of her adult life, she was diagnosed 18 month's ago with stage 4 small cell lung cancer and treated with chemotherapy and immunotherapy. She gave up smoking 11 year's ago, and when mentioning it to the Oncologist, he told her that, although it will have helped with regard to her general physical well being, 11 years was not long enough to halt the cancer diagnosis.

Your mum is bound to be in shock, and if she has only just been recently diagnosed, the can't be bothered moods and not wanting to talk about it are part and parcel of coming to terms with it all. I personally would just carry on with supporting her and not putting too much pressure on her to do things that, at the moment, feels all too much. Hopefully when you both see the consultant on Thursday things will be a little bit clearer regarding diagnosis and treatment etc.

Best wishes.

Thank you