Had surgery in 2013 right lung wedge resection. Cancer came back this year. Upper and lower lobe removed. Then another emergency op fir blood clots. Week in ICU then 10 days on ward. Five weeks after started chemo, because cancer found in Lymph node. First round horrendous and ended up back in hospital. Just finished second round not quite as awful but beyond exhausted. The life I had has disappeared. I feel completely trapped in this cancer world. I’ve never felt so depressed because I keep thinking when I have energy it will stay and it doesn’t.. exhausted feeling exhausted. Sick feeling sick. My body just aches. I used to swim 150 lengths a weeks, do three Pilates classes And walk the dog. Now I slouch around half the wood if I’m lucky with him. My back hurts because I’m not exercising.
I feel so lonely, my family don’t call which I can’t believe. It’s August and everyone’s away on holiday. I know kids need to go on holiday and it’s been a long lockdown. So I feel selfish when I feel sorry for myself. My husbands been so supportive and I’m getting irritated with him. I feel like a prisoner in my own body.
Does anyone else have these crazy feelings and emotions. It’s horrible.
Hi Bubbkes, welcome to the group, but so sorry you find yourself here. You have been through such a lot, with surgery, ICU, chemo, so please do not feel selfish for feeling sorry for yourself, you have every right to be!
Chemo is hard going, and when your body has already been knocked like yours has, it is even harder. But this will get better. I know it feels like a long road ahead at the moment, but you will get to the finish line, and your body will start to heal.
I am sorry that you feel the family are neglecting you. I think it is so hard sometimes, when people ask us “how are you?” And we simply reply “I’m Ok” Sometimes we have to admit that we are not OK, not just to our families, but to ourselves. Tell your family how you are feeling, that you are struggling, and you are feeling low. They might just not realise how unwell you are.
The Macmillan support line is available 7 days a week from 8am until 8pm on 0808 808 00 00 if you would like to talk to someone one to one. And we are here if you need to chat. None of us are experts here, we are all cancer patients ourselves, but talking about our thoughts and worry’s with other people going through a similar situation really does help.
Take care x
