Hi,
I am writing this because I am just so angry at my Mum and wanted some advice for others in a similar position.
She has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer - SCC and has been given the opportunity for chemo. Her doctors have advised her to cut down on smoking to give her the best chance of it working. She assured them she would try and told us all she would limit herself to 10 per day.
She has been given oxygen at home with the strict instruction that she would only smoke outside.
Since getting home she is literally having a fag or 2, hooking up to oxygen, then going straight back for more and she is also smoking more than ever before, as well as drinking (she has always been alcohol dependant). We counted over 50 non-filter cigarettes in one day the other day.
After her first round of chemo, she had a fall and got herself into a panic and called the ambulance to go to hospital. Thry hooked her up to a drip as her chest was clogged up. She then spent the rest of the morning complaining she was bored and was desperate for a cigarette and that they were taking the mick and if they dare keep her in she will walk out.
When she finally got let out she let us know and I messaged her back and advised her to try and get herself to bed at a reasonable time and cut back on the smoking and she would have a better chance of not having to go back into hospital.
15 minutes later she sends me a photo of her with a glass of wine and a fag in her hand and a tag line of hee hee.
For me...that was the last straw. I have no issue with her smoking if that is what she chooses to do and she enjoys it . However I do have an issue of her sending that photo which almost feels like a giant F you. To not only me, but all those trying to help her feel better.
I now cannot stand to be near her, do not want to talk to her and am just downright angry!
Has anyone else had similar issues and feelings?
Hi Raggy Doll
Im not in your position as I’m the one that was diagnosed with cancer and my daughter was dreadfully upset
I can fully understand your feelings toward your mother’s behaviour, it could be denial or she’s given up and wants to smoke. However with oxygen isn’t that dangerous?
Keep ranting here if it helps and I would agree with you that you need to have some space for yourself
When she realises that you are staying away then it may be a good time for a straight conversation
sending you a hug
Ann
Thank you both for your replies.
My worries have been realised and my Mum passed away a few days ago.
She went from going out on the Friday with her friends for lunch, to having a fall on the Sunday which really knocked her confidence. She went to hospital after the fall but discharged herself but was never the same.
I went up to see her on Tuesday after she called me crying saying she felt really weak and vulnerable so I went up, had a chat, made her a cup of tea and some sausages and she said she felt better when I left.
She got up 130am to have a cigarette and tripped a power cut which panicked her again, which I didn't know about until I'd spoken to her friend who also mentioned she'd been up to see her that afternoon and she seemed like she had really declined. So we popped over to see her and unfortunately found her.
I think with the chemo, and the increased smoking, reducing her O2 levels even more, made her more fragile than she cared to admit.
I take some comfort in the fact ot looks like she read a message from me (she had replied and not hit send), drank her glass of wine, went over to the front door to have a cigarette and then just died after she had finished it. She looked peaceful and like there was no struggle or pain.
She's in a better place now and won't be suffering anymore. Now I have to come to terms with getting so annoyed with her just a few days before she died. 
Take care everyone. Xx
