Opening up old wounds

Hi Jayne,

sorry to hear how you are feeling. If you take a look at my profile by clicking on my name then you will see my profile ….and see that my experience is different to yours. That said, I think that everyone in this group had times when they feel down or anxious. I am waiting for scan results so am feeling a bit anxious myself. 

So I try not to go down the rabbit holes of what if….although this is easier said than done sometimes. I try to think of nice things to do such as going out for a meal or a trip to the theatre….this not only distracts me and gives me something to look forward to, it helps me to feel as though I am being kind to myself and giving myself a treat.

I find that it is good to talk through how I am feeling with someone…..but I am selective who I speak to…….some people don’t really know what to say, or say some daft things…..so try to avoid speaking to those. I have a fantastic husband that I adore and is perfect in most ways……..but he just doesn’t really know what to say ….when I was first diagnosed all he kept saying is ‘ do you want a cup of tea?l …….there is only so much tea a girl can drink.

Ii went for a walk yesterday around a reservoir near to where I live and that did me the world of good, just seeing the water and trees and all of the wildlife.

Finaly I guess that the real key to me feeling better in the psychological sense was accepting what has happened to me. Symptoms like worry are there for a reason they are meant to protect us and help us to look out for untoward happening to us with a view of trying to prevent it from happening…….but I have found that sometimes they can become overwhelming and take me from what my life is now to concerns about what ,any happen in an unknown future.

I think that why my walk yesterday helped me as I was observing everything around me, which took me back into the here and now and not into a world of what may happen and in particular uncertainties.

I don’t know whether any of this approach will help you, but please do be reassured there we on this group do care.

Big hugs Jules xx

Hi there Jayne. . . . . 

We're all different and different coping mechanisms work for us all.  One thing I've noticed (sounds obvious, I suppose) is that when there is a pathway defined, and we're on it, it's easier than facing uncertainty, delays, postponement to treatment, or watching for markers to return to a normal threshold.  

Things that helped me in the times of uncertainty, were:

(a) Distraction.  Doing something for the whole day and then suddenly realising at the end of the day "I haven't thought about the cancer all day - nice".  

(b) Cognitive behaviour therapy reading and approaches.  If I thought "this might be the end of the road for this treatment". I would counter that with " my onco has told me there are lots more treatments to try, so it's not the end of the road".   Another one is "is this pain the cancer affirming itself"; answer - x years ago you'd have thought nothing of a pain like that.  

(c) Getting work/life balance to suit me.  I thought I would give-up work.  I tried it by having the summer off.  Hated it.  Everyone got under my feet in the house (The House - it's MINE!).  So I went back to work 3 days a week.  Now I go to the office those 3 days.  No more working from home.  

If I think of any more, I'll add later.