6 weeks post surgery for radical nephrectomy

Dear Beenie1984,

No wonder you're up n down - you've had the shock of finding out you'd cancer, of the surgery itself plus  you've got a little one to look after. Even my writing all that feels exhausting!

Do u think it possible  u might have a spot of postnatal depression too? It might b an idea to ring the helpline to see if they've got any helpful suggestions, they're on 0808 808 0000.

I'm glad to hear you've got an amazing support network. Use the ppl in this group as another one. We're here for u.

Good luck re your results on 10 July. Not long to wait now. Plse post again so we know how u got in 

Hugs xxx

Hi there 

Thank you so much for replying, the relief to hear from someone is immense and it’s made me burst into tears. One thing I left out of my original message was my age, at 34 the consultants were surprised and everyone else was that I had this diagnosis as it’s seemingly quite rare in someone this young for this particular type of cancer. I don’t think I have post natal depression, I didn’t have any Symptoms of that priory to this situation arising. I’ve looked into post surgery depression and wondered if I had that but then I didn’t want to label myself as having had that when I’m only 6 weeks past a major open surgery so I just don’t know what normal? 

Everything just feels like hard work at the moment. Each day feels like it drags, I cant get my little one in and out of the car so I’m not getting out and about as I once was, cant really lift him as he’s very heavy and I’m scared about undoing all the rest and recuperation my mum has helped me get thus far with. Confidence really is at an all time low. Xx I will keep you posted about the results on the 10th x x 

Glad to help. You'll find folk in this group - and beyond in the community, especially the Community  champions -   incredibly supportive.  

I was in a similar position to you.  I was only 37 when I found out only 3 days after having my second child, that I had to have a radical right nephrectomy.  One minute such a high, then a low, but you get there.  I focused on my little boy, yes, it wasn't always easy.  My husband was a postman, and after 3 months off looking after me, was threatened with the sack unless he went back to work, so early morning he helped me downstairs, while I waited for my mum, who came to help.  Not knowing where to turn, for quite a while someone put us in touch with Sure Start a nursery nearby, and a lady came to drop him off there for a few hours, while I got some rest. Macmillan have been brilliant since and all the medical staff - talk to them.  I have always been a positive person myself, and have had other things over the years, but am still here.  Sometimes, when I feel low, I recite a poem of my grandma's: Look always on the bright side, 'twill make us happier far, why should we try to find the cloud and let the sunshine pass.

Hi ,

I'm sorry to see that you have had to join us here but you are very welcome.  Cancer is treated as a disability under the Disability Discrimination Act in part for exactly the reasons that you have given above.  A cancer diagnosis can undermine your confidence in your own body and your future health and expectations.  Even after the cancer has been removed you are still covered by the DDA as the emotional aspects can last long after the physical aspects have been resolved.  All the treatment helps, having had your surgery you will probably have a bit more confidence, once you get your results this will hopefully improve things for you again.  You will receive regular check ups over the next five years by CT scan and although you are likely to become more anxious waiting for the results you will feel a bit better after each one.

When we are scared and upset it is only natural that we lash out at times and you probably think that your husband can cope with this better than most others (after all, he did sign up for better or worse, in sickness and in health) and he is also one of the people who it is easier for you to share your vulnerability with.  That is not to say that this is acceptable but it is explainable.  Having only recently having the responsibility for your baby and having been imagining what the future holds for him even the vaguest possibility that you might not be there for him is bound to upset and scare you.

Have you tried contacting the Macmillan helpline at all on 0808 808 00 00 ?  The are excellent at offering support both emotional and practical.  They are easy to talk to, knowledgeable and experienced and I cannot recommend them highly enough.  They can help you understand why you are reacting as you are but also to look at how to deal with these emotions.   Although you have talked about the emotional aspects they are also very good at the practical as well so if they ask if they can help with anything else I would let them go through what they can do to see if they can offer any other assistance.

I give myself some relief from worrying or being anxious by getting engrossed in something which gave me a break from the longer term situation.  This can be a good book, a movie, meeting with friends (and telling them why you don't want to talk about your health at the moment).  Some people use techniques like mindfulness or meditation to get a break.  One of the mindfulness Apps is even called headspace.

The other thing to remember is to give yourself things to look forward to, a date night with your husband, a holiday, a trip to the theatre or a garden.  These things will help you by both giving you something to look forward to but also to recognise that you do have a future and things can be normal and nice even with the worries that you have.

Having cancer is scary and people experience a wide range of emotions in trying to deal with it and have lots of individual ways of dealing with it.  What you are going through is both very individual and personal yet at the same time is very common and something lots of others would recognise.  That bright, positive happy person is still in there, she just needs a little help and encouragement to shine again.

love and hugs,

Gragon xx

There’s never a good time to have cancer but when you’ve got a baby to look after must be the worst. Take care and you definitely will start to feel better after your surgery.

Hi

its perfectly normal to feel like this. I thought once I had the operation I would be mentally stronger but I started to get very anxious about the future and considered counselling. It then came to me that I wasn’t enjoying the present worrying about what might happen in the future. Something I can’t control. For a while I think my husband wasn’t sure if I was the person he married! Six months from my nephrectomy I’m much stronger mentally and enjoying life. You will get there but it does take time. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Hi Jane 

Thank you so much for this, I find it incredibly reassuring that you’ve been there and six months on you’re feeling better and stronger. I honestly don’t feel the same person myself left alone what my husband thinks ! It’s still such early days isn’t it, everyone keeps telling me I’m too hard on myself but how can you not be when you just want to feel ‘normal’ again. 

Once again, thank you so much xx. 

Hi Gragon 

Thank you so much for your amazing reply, you’ve given me some fantastic advice and reassurance so I really appreciate that. My next step after reaching out to this platform, was to call the Macmillan number; I suppose I’m hanging on until the 10th so I’ve got the full picture of what’s ahead of me. Had a chat with my mum this morning and a bit of a cry so I feel a lot calmer and better for that. Sometimes the bottling of emotions makes it all worse doesn’t it? 

Im a big reader as well as you; so loved your advice to pick that up, I’ve found my attention wandering so I’ll keep going with it. Thank you so much again and hope to speak to you again sometime x x 

If u find u can't concentrate on reading a book, try talking books, available from most public libraries. Some even have ebooks and/ or e - audiobooks too. I used to use audiobooks after I first had my nephrectomy, gave me an excuse to lie down too lol