Recently diagnosed

one hour forty seven minutes for a half marathon! gosh... - Maybe I oughta think about this 'being fit' thing..... for the first time in my life, post-chemo.... maybe that oughta be the 'new me'.... well I've quit smoking.... assuming i can lose all the extra weight I've put on due to the steroids.... might.... seriously shock everyone I know, turning myself like all... real fit haa!  yeh... kinda rely on lodger's money a fair bit... its my main income really, the disability benifits etc, basically  cover things like gas/elec/water/council tax, etc, but, of course now William and I.... but its kinda 'my money' and some independance having the lodger's generated income... but... yeh... he so has to go! I'm just... not mentally strong enough to ... do ridding myself o him in a sensible way right now... I'd either be way too agressive about it.... or just burst into tears... neither of whihc, is 'really me'!  I'm just... feeling kinda pressed apon from multiple quarters right now, half by myself... then my Dad randomly calling me up and haing a go at me, the night bfore Thursdays chemo he handily decided to do that... then... sort of pressure with chemo and stuff, and ridding of lodger, and... gah... and all with  my brain barely functioning. and i still need to get hospital stuff sorted that has remained unspoken, or/and addressed since before chemo started, like tryin gto find out what on earth neurology did to me; I have absolutely no idea, and I've not even a point of contact there... - maybe even still got a haematoma buddling away, ready to haemoridge, soon as chemo finishes... dunno... and i should so try again get some sense out of oncology, visa the addison's, and my constant requests they actually rule out secondary lymphocytic infiltration of my adrenals, as rare as it might be, they don't answer my questions, and I'm getting fed up asking, mind, they've not given me a proper DR the last two times in clinic, so there isn't any point asking, which is maybe why they've given up letting me see a real Dr. dunno. none of it makes any sense to my chemo-brain.

Hey what about planning a 5 km run for next year, I could be your guide? You could do it! 

Don't let the b******s grind you down xxxx

5KM! I can't have....... run anything like that, since I was.... probably a teenager! I'd be so slow to guide! but... its perhaps an insane enough thing to aim for, to get some post-chemo fitness back, and then some....  - yep... sorry... bit down today, wtih a few things, mainly eating so late, hydrocortisone, in particular, if I don't eat 'right' about when I'm dosing with it, really.... screws me.... a lot, and I kinda need to more or less take hydrocortisone soon as i can/need it, even if I've not the option to eat, to balance it, or I do tend to quickly seem to head into feeling all the blood rushing through my body, and that is, I'm guessing moving me towards a coma, again. which, err, I'm rather trying to avoid... - plus, I guess, its only a couple days since chemo, that must be... doing stuff; sure now, actually I can taste teh dacarbazine too.... they're running that into me way too fast....

Let's plan the 5km when we meet up in the autumn, we can look at what's around in 2016 that looks suitable, I can get some guide training, would be a focus for me too, i don't mind how slow, I just like to be running!

xxxx

You do realise... the closest I've come to running.... basically in my adult life.... is the dash to the bar, on hearing last orders being rung! - true enough I've gotten fitter, last few years before lymphoma diagnosis, mainly as I  lost a lot of weight, and that was being helped by slowing back on the beer a lot!, so.... perhaps not quite the lost cause I think I might be!; 5 KM..... sounds doo-able.... I think!  - actually talking of beer... not had any in weeks again now... and... really not wishing too.... which... is a very odd feeling!; no beer? no cigs? where has the real me gone! - I'll be turning vegetarian or vegan next.... well, maybe not; lunch/breakfast was sausages and eggs on toast! when i finally got to cook/eat it...

May even have to consider trying to nap soon.... think the post chemo tiredness... is... winning, for now! damnit!

Hi All, Looks like we're in for another inclement day weatherwise, cold wind and overcast...........Not a happy cricket day yesterday, plenty of sunshine, still the cold wind and we lost!!!!    Bloods tomorrow and Mac chat, mouth not totally back to chemo normal still got a bit of a nasty taste but expect that to improve over the next few days.  5B on Friday, can't help keep repeating it and then only one cycle to go, another month, 2 sessions, 2 blood tests...............can go on but won't :-)  Hope you are all enjoying your weekends,  Chins up and keep on trucking.  Phil

Morning all!

Meet up - I can do any time really :) if I have to leave London then it might need planning, otherwise its pretty easy.

Running - I went to a runner's need shop yesterday and got filmed and measured up. I now own some new running shoes... Far too expensive Nike Lunarglide things that protect my legs against my tendency to roll my ankle when I run. Great for, erm, £95 OOPS

Mark - know what you mean with no smoking and drinking. I keep dreaming about smoking and feeling bad about doing it, and wake up, consequently, quite relieved. Think its a sign to try to abstain forever, though no promises... I can imagine Drunk Me will have different ideas. I'll break my alcohol fast next Sunday 

Phil - amazing! Yep, 2 more to go. I'm not sorry I'm not going in on Friday, tho... Wonder what will happen to my body now!!

I had a Chinese takeaway with my sister last night. It was dirty, greasy and yummy! Yay! So close...

Hope all are well, nice day here in London (sorry Phil!)

T

Tom;
likewise; London's a damn easy ride here from Cambridge, a few minutes walk to my railstation, then jusrt 48 minutes into Kings cross; in the 'olde days', I've been known to get dragged out drinking in London, with like an hours or so notice... so I'm guessing once the chemo me is a thing of the ... past, such won['t be a hastle really....

Smoking: I've already done the getting drunk whilst on chemo, and not-smoking; I was really supprised how ... sort of 'normal' it felt, with just a couple months having quit, and whilst all the chemo's going on, not smoking; and that included being back at a friend's flat afterwards.... really rather drunk with  the scent of cannabus  as well as tobacco filling the air, as I was still drinking away!; I'd like to say that is my amazing will-power, or self-control, or something... but really I think its more just being so shit-scared about anything I could do which might increase the risk of returning to chemo one day!, combined with just the fatigue, and.... probably a sense of 'well now I've done the quitting, I can't face the effort of doing it again!; sheer lazyness not will power!)


Discovered a couple tricks to whipe out teh scent of dacarbazine (yeh, having a fag was about the first one, but, no. not going there, and so didn't), Coconut oiled myself yesterday, so much after bathing!; that sorted out teh skin scent of it!; HP sauce for breakfast with sausages and eggs, seemed to solve teh remaining taste issue; even if.... HP sauce is a wee bit.... sort of ... tangy for my tummy right now; but I figured the balance about right between  introducing nausea, and hiding  the dacarbazine!; plus... well it was sausages and eggs with HP sauce... so... MMMMM....

Gosh. I slept last night. feeling like I've more energy today, than I've had in .... some time before last Friday err, a week last Friday when I first went in with teh infection, before then back on the Sunday for the overnight, and Thursday in for the day for chemo!; that... was.... really knackering me, so gona have to try stop this infection thing reoccuring; looking at my table in teh front room... and pondering the idea of self-medicating with some profalatic antiboiotics, I seem to have buckets of them laying about, naughty I know... but... tempting to try help obstaine from another mad  dash in, with yet another infection, even if the antibiotics don't exactly do much to make me feel good, with the actual taking of them thing.... - must remember I've still got teh antibiotic eyedrops too, they're still in date for another ten days or so, I think....

Sadly, one affect of the coconut disguising of teh dacarbazine scent on my skin..... my teddy bear (bee), and sheets look like.... they need another wash already! bleh! although.... the bed is nicely coconut scented, as is my bee teddy bear!; she's getting an aweful lot of cuddling right now, think I cried for about an hour on getting into bed last.... this morning, again, not entirely sure what about, seems to just be a kind of 'everything', mainly as far as my brain lets me know, it seems to be about my partner, Crhist who died of cancer, last September, and that seems to sort of then move back to my Mum's death from breast  cancer, in the early 90s.... brains are well stupid things soemtimes.... - of course, perhaps its just my brain finding that the only way to kinda 'deal' with my 's**t'.... pah... psychiology.... bring back the heavy drinking and end to overthinking is so* overdue!

William here in an hour or so, emergency trip out to Lush for fresh supplies, and maybe a few other things in town, hoping its quiet out, looks like teh sun is out, which is nice, not had a proper walk out, since chemo Thursday which will help clear some cobwebs I hope...

Hope everyone else is having a good day, or as good as possible.... - we all seem sort of 'nearing the end', which is kinda good! hope its as easy a time for everyone as is possible.... - I've almost started counting down the days to my last chemo!; but, really I wanna be counting down the days to feeling.... sort of 'normal' and, of course, I've absolutely no idea how long that will take, after the last chemo... I'm guessing more than a fortnight, at least, just for bloods to approch soemthing vaguely like a non-chemo state... but, when I  asked at hospital, they were basically as vague about it, as any of my best guessing; its just clearly so variable, person to person, for obvious reasons, I guess....

Coffee finished for the morning.... back to mainlining tea I guess!
Mark

So, London looking favourite for a meet up, guess that's easy enough for Moomy too. Phil, Nath, John how about you guys? I can do London, my sister is in Hemel Hempstead so I can get train from there and crash at hers!

Mark, hope you are feeling a little better now you have William with you. No tears for me today, think it's the first chemo Sunday that I haven't cried at some point! Feeling bit queasy and got yuck mouth but managed a trip to garden centre for flowers and fish, also bought meat and pies from the deli there so fridge stocked up for next week.

Hope all are well, Tom do you have bloods done at some point to see if things are returning to normal?

love Jakki xx

Yeah... Well I don't mind either way, I can pop further out too, doesn't worry me :) we can go and have a dinner or something?? 

I am going into haem clinic on weds so I'm guessing theyll take some blood on the day, too! 

Going out for a run!!! Oh my. Only to canary wharf and back (~3.5k) but its a start!!

T