Feeling low

  • 9 replies
  • 34 subscribers
  • 282 views

Hi everyone,

I have posted on this forum a few times over the last 18 months and have read through peoples posts regularly.

I can't believe how cancer has effected my family in this time.

My hubby was diagnosed with cancer in his tonsils/tongue/and lymph nodes Jan 2023 and underwent a neck dissection and robotic surgery followed by 6 weeks radiotherapy - he responded well and is doing great xx

June last year my dad was diagnosed with oral cancer and had surgery in Dec to remove over half of the roof of his mouth. All visible signs of cancer removed and at 82 he was reasurred that the cancer was slow moving so decided not to have radiotherapy as had watched my husband go through it and as his risk was low opted not to have it.

April this year his cancer returned, very aggressively, and 9 weeks later - last Sunday - my darling dad passed away. We are totally heartbroken as he was the kindest most loving dad that anyone could wish for.

My mum has also now been diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma on her arm - we are waiting for a date for surgery and skin graft.

I am devastated at the loss of my dad, worried about my mum and always at the back of my mind is the fear that my husbands cancer will return.

I don't know what I'm asking, I just wanted to share my fears in a place where I know I can.

Paula xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear what is happening to your family. Sending hugs and prayers. X

  • Oh Paula I can only give you a virtual hug. 

    Statistics say one in two of us will get cancer..it's shocking considering that when I was a child "catching" cancer was a hidden not often spoken about condition. How things change. Modern lifestyles and an aging population. But losing family like this still kills us a little inside. I still mourn my Mum who died in 2012 but the mourning doesn't catch me unawares and has changed into fond loving remembrance.

    You need time to grieve and you must let yourself. That loving remembering will come but there is a natural history to grief and that time is not yet. Just don't fall into the rabbit hole of regret and guilt. No parent would want to see their child there.

    HPV driven oral cancer responds very well to radiation which I'm sure you know and recurrence isn't common so though it's hard try too put your husbands chances completely away to a place you can't find easily. I saw my oncologist for the last time in May. My discharge notes say that it is highly unlikely that my cancer will return and that I can consider myself cured.

    Dani 

    Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019

    I wrote a blog about my cancer. just click on the link below 

    https://todaymycoffeetasteslikechristmasincostarica.com 

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

    Community Champion badge
  • Thank you Dani, life can be so bloody unfair can't it Cry 

    We nursed dad together and was all with him at the end, which I know will bring me comfort in the future, it's just so raw at the moment xxx

  • I'm so sorry to hear what your family have had to bear. Life can be so cruel. Thinking of you all.

    Ray. 

  • Thank you Dani, life can be so bloody unfair can't it

    It can but all life has a purpose. Things will get easier and you’ll do your dad proud. Look after yourself and your mum. Xxx

    Dani 

    Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019

    I wrote a blog about my cancer. just click on the link below 

    https://todaymycoffeetasteslikechristmasincostarica.com 

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

    Community Champion badge
  • Paula,

    You and your family are having a really rough ride.  My thoughts are with you. 

    From someone who has had 3 appearances of this cancer, whilst I know that you can never fully shut out the fear of a reoccurrence, my advice is to live for the moment and do things as a family that you can do today and not put off until tomorrow.  Try to forget that fear, but know that the routine checks and the ability to contact your team at any time if there are concerns will give you a great safety net underneath that fear.

    Make happy memories as a family. x

    Peter
    See my profile for more details of my convoluted journey
  • Thank you Peter 

  • Hi Paula virtual,hug from me and a picture of a poppy in our garden as a virtual bouquet. Dani has put everything into words that I would have said. I lost my dear dad to lung cancer in 1986 I was 29:now I forget the cancer and remember the happy times, mum was 2002 bowel cancer I too remember the happy times notbyhe awful memories. I did have grief counselling over my mums has it was sudden and all over in 2 weeks. It helped ti speak to a total stranger. 
    re hubby our cancers have great responses and once we get to year 2 reoccurrence is extremely rare please don’t waste time thinking if the what maybes  concentrate on life’s for living. 

    Hugs  Hazel 

    Hazel aka RadioactiveRaz 

    My blog is www.radioactiveraz.wordpress.com  HPV 16+ tonsil cancer Now 5 years  post treatment. 35 radiotherapy 2 chemo T2N2NM.Happily getting on with living always happy to help  

  • Thank you Hazel, and what a beautiful poppy xx