My mum has just been diagnosed with aggressive T4b head cancer

Hi there. I'm so very sorry that your mum and you are going through this. 

The misdiagnosis must have been very frustrating.

Yes it has been frustrating but now she has been diaganosed I think Im feeling scared of whats to come. 

Hi Flo. So sorry you and the family are dealing with all this. I’m sure you know that everything you are feeling is normal but grief in advance is such a crippling emotion. You hang on to the life of your mum while mourning her death at the same time. Having been in your shoes I can tell you that you do get through this and find an inner strength. 
What does your mum have to say? Does she want invasive treatment? Does she really want chemotherapy to make her feel much worse in the months she has left? know when my mother in law was dying of an inoperable thyroid cancer all she wanted was to be kept comfortable in her home with her family round her. She had Hospice  at Home and died peacefully, pain free, in her own bed. The nurses were wonderful. 
Do you think it’s time to explore this?  Having put this in place might give you both immense peace of mind. 
Finally l, do you have a Maggie’s near you? They help anybody affected by cancer, both patient and carer. They have great drop in facilities. It would be worth a look 

Hi

As a Mum myself, I know your Mum would hate that you are crying alone. I know you are trying to be positive around your parents, but sharing how you are feeling with them, may be what you all need. Being open and honest will allow you all to express those pent up emotions. Let it all out, cry together, get angry, but most importantly, tell each other how much you love each other. 
Make new memories that you will cherish forever. Don’t look too far ahead, just make the most of each precious moment with your beautiful Mum

sending you & your family love, hugs and prayers

I’m truly sorry to hear about your situation. It reminds me of what my own lovely mum faced. When her doctor asked if she understood what terminal meant, she replied with a heavy heart, knowing it meant she couldn’t be cured. This was just six months after losing my amazing dad, her husband of over 50 years. On the way home from that appointment, she bravely said that if she only had five years left, she would accept it. I couldn’t bring myself to correct her; I was still in shock.

She was offered chemotherapy to slow the progression and give her more time, and in my denial, I encouraged her to take it, hoping for a miracle and holding onto the belief that perhaps they had made a mistake. The treatment was incredibly tough on her, and when she wanted to stop, I urged her to continue, still clinging to the hope for more time. In the end, she lived for six more months, and I often find myself wrestling with guilt, wishing I had approached things differently.

If you haven’t had these conversations with your loved ones, I encourage you to share your feelings with your family. Having my brother by my side made all the difference for me during that time, and I genuinely believe that support is crucial. I wish you all the best, and please remember that you’re not alone in this group; there are people here who care and want to support you.

Michaela

Thank you so much for your advice and kind words. I know I am looking too far ahead and need to concentrate on the present. Every moment is precious xx