Hello,
I'm new here. My lovely mum has just been diagnosed with an aggressive inoperable tumour which started in her eye socket. Its taken a year to diagnose her after she was originally misdignosed with a non life threatening disease. By the time my mums diagnosis came through the tumour had spread and taken her eye sight hearing and feeling that side of her face and head. She is starting chemo at home in the next couple of weeks. Im trying to be incredibly positive around my mum and dad and the rest of my family but when Im on my own I just break down. As a family we are all going through it but I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness, as I dont want to talk negatively around my family to keep them feeling positive. I know the tumour is inoperable and her chemo may give her more time but Im scared its going to make her feel so unwell on top of how she is already feeling. I find myself having little panic attacks almost like I cant breathe. This seems to happen out the blue even when Im busy and not thinking about whats happening. I know Im still processing this and its come as a huge shock but I cant stop thinking of losing my mum and what life is going to look like without her. I seem to be hanging on to all the negative when trying to help eveyone else feel positive. x
Hi there. I'm so very sorry that your mum and you are going through this.
The misdiagnosis must have been very frustrating. 
Hi Flo. So sorry you and the family are dealing with all this. I’m sure you know that everything you are feeling is normal but grief in advance is such a crippling emotion. You hang on to the life of your mum while mourning her death at the same time. Having been in your shoes I can tell you that you do get through this and find an inner strength.
What does your mum have to say? Does she want invasive treatment? Does she really want chemotherapy to make her feel much worse in the months she has left? know when my mother in law was dying of an inoperable thyroid cancer all she wanted was to be kept comfortable in her home with her family round her. She had Hospice at Home and died peacefully, pain free, in her own bed. The nurses were wonderful.
Do you think it’s time to explore this? Having put this in place might give you both immense peace of mind.
Finally l, do you have a Maggie’s near you? They help anybody affected by cancer, both patient and carer. They have great drop in facilities. It would be worth a look
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
