Hello

Hi Isabel. Welcome to the community and can I say how good it is that you’ve joined so you can support your father in law. He is likely to need quite a bit of physical help from the end of week 3. Does he have somebody to care for him? Of course it all depends on his treatment. 
Waiting for things to happen is extremely difficult so I’m sure he would appreciate a call every day. 
Stay with us and we’ll help as much as we can 

Hi Isabel, welcome from me. Like Dani has said he will need help from about week 3, he may be able to get transport, to and from the hospital. He will also need help while he is at home, hopefully Macmillan, might be able to sort something out. Stick with us, we will answer any questions you have.

Ray

Hi Isabel If he can get  either patient transport or a list of people who can do a rota for hospital and treatment days. Around the :3 weeks period  effects to ramp up. Is he having chemo and radiotherapy? If you can tell us a bit more eg is he HPV positive where is his tumour is we can tailor our responses. Yes we’re a small friendly bunch always happy to help. 
my blog below might help with timelines but we’re all different judt remember for most of us it’s a marathon not a sprint especially recovery. My feeding tube was my lifeline and ta king  pain killers by rote enabled my recovery ti be fairly good. 
Hazel xx

Thank you Dani for the welcome. His wife died of cancer 7 years ago, and my partner is his only child. He has other family, but they live far. He also has some friends close by.

We will be back to be there with him, but we're just trying to figure out when and for how long. It's quite tricky to balance his need for support, with us wanting to be there for him, but also our own commitments (mainly work that is quite inflexible...)

I'll definitely stay around here, already feeling so much support, thank you!

Thank you Ray for the welcome. It's helpful to know about the three week mark. When you say help at home, we're thinking that's going to be around cooking and cleaning, and also driving to and from the hospital. What else are we missing?

I'll definitely stay around here, thank you so much!

Thank you Hazel. He has squamous cell carcinoma that started in his tongue. He had a glossectomy in July. Then they detected a lump on his neck and did a partial neck dissection, and the results of pathology confirmed that the cancer was in two lymph nodes, and one of them had extracapsular spread. So far it seems like he is having radio but no chemo (because there is no lump left there). 

It's good to know about the feeding tube and painkiller rota. Have you met anyone who managed without a feeding tube?

Isabel. He is going to need help with his medication and feeding. Some people do manage without a feeding tube but few. The treatment is a real challenge and pretty painful and you just can’t swallow. Some hospital trusts place stomach tubes in advance of treatment and some like mine use a nasogastric tube when things get tough. Mine saved my life. I out my speedy recovery down to proper nutrition via tube through treatment and early recovery. 

Hi yes a few do but it’s not often. The treatments pretty brutal and the benefit if the feeding tube is two fold it saves you trying to eat enough calories in treatment snd aids recovery. Imagine not being able to swallow your own saliva difficult to imagibe but but that’s what often faces us.a feeding tube takes the worry  away plus medication can  go through it. My trust doesn’t routinely offer pegs into tummy, but my consent form was worded that I would consent if I needed a n g tube  snd I needed one.I also credit my ng tube with me recovering well enough for my tube to be out week 3 of recovery. Of course no one can be forced into having the tube but I would certainly advise.

Hazel 

Dani and Hazel,

It's hard to grasp the reality of the effects of the treatment when you haven't been through it, so thank you for the extra information about the feeding tubes and highlighting how important they were for you. Thank you also for pointing out about the consent form, definitely good to keep in mind, we'll try to gently suggest to him the benefits of the NG tube.

I've had a read of both of your blogs, and found them very moving and incredibly helpful. So THANK YOU for sharing and all your help here.

Isabel, thank you for being here for your "father in law"

I am retired from a caring profession. I know how important peer support is. In these post Covid days it seems even  more vital. I had lots of help from others here and now its my turn 

One step at a time, one day at a time and he will get there