How can I be useful?

Hi Mickeymokey

Sorry to hear about your mother’s diagnosis but she is in good hands with her medical team. She is lucky to have such a supportive son. My daughter also helped me out by taking me to my radiotherapy daily and I was very grateful to her for that.

Be guided by your mother about what she wants, show her your support but stand back and give her some space as well. I know when one of my other daughters kept asking me how I was and how she could help when I was in pain I got rather short with her and needed her to back off a bit. I know she was doing it with the best intentions but I didn’t feel well and didn’t want to keep replying to her queries.

Prompt your mother to ask her team about pain relief and how to best manage her eating and go with her to hear the replies as that will be very helpful. I know that I didn’t always hear properly what I was being told and felt I needed to be strong when I should have asked my medical team for help instead of suffering in silence.

It will be a tough time but your mother will come through.  Realise it will take quite a long time for your mother to start feeling she is  getting back to normal after treatment and that the fatigue from radiotherapy can be quite debilitating so she will need more rest than normal for a while.

Things will definitely  improve over time but you both just have to hang in there for  the moment 

.Best wishes to you and your mother.

Lyn

Hi Micky. We all react differently to illness. Some of us internalise and some need physical help and contact. This situation is quite different though. Your mum's pain and discomfort is going to escalate considerably. If at two weeks in she is in a lot of pain she is going to need quite a bit of physical support. Does she live with you? If she doesn't I would seriously think about getting her to stay with you while she is in treatment and for a few weeks after. She mustn't give up and I'm sure she must be missing your dad and wondering whether its all worth it.

As the weeks progress she is going to need help to eat. Has she got a feeding tube placed? Five weeks is a long time to go if she is in trouble already.

Hi Micky I can only concur with what Lyn and Dani have already said. She must keep her hydration snd nutrition up   She should be seeing dietitian s snd swallow therapist during treatment. Plus having appointments with consultant go with her insist you do and listen to what they say. 2 weeks and in pain it isn’t going to get any easier . Don’t overcrowd her be led by her.  I know the last thing I would have wanted was to be taken out as well meaning as you meant it. I went to hospital then did not thing at home apart from watch crap t v and I don’t watch crap tv. 
she will need help for a good few weeks after treatment as well our type of cancer the treatment continues to work for weeks after it’s finished. does she have a stomach peg if so she needs to use it. It can’t be east after loosing her husband then being diagnosed. Hugs to you all 

Hazel x