FrustrationComing back fully yet so I know he’s upset about that. I’m sure he’s worried about his scan coming up on April 4 which is his post treatment scan I just don’t know what to do any advice would be very helpful thank you

Hi Markmac. Sorry to hear the difficulty that your husband is going through. It does take some time to adapt to the changes that occur after a big op and the treatment your husband has gone through. There are all those stages of grief that eventually culminate in acceptance but it can take a while to get to that point. Unfortunately during that time we can be hard to live with and sometimes take things out on the ones that love us the most. Would your husband consider some counseling to help? Would it help for you to have some counseling too? It is not easy to see the ones we love going through difficult times and not be able to assist. Definitely give him some space as sometimes with love we can be 'too helpful' which is not always well received. Your husband is so lucky to have you as his support person but at this stage is consumed in his own world of anxiety. His life has changed and it is hard to accept this. If he can be encouraged to get out and have a short walk to get him out and help to change the 'record' that is going on in his head. Distraction can really help. Don't neglect yourself either as you also deserve a break and to enjoy the things you love to do. Things do get better and will for both of you, hang in there.

Lyn

Hello there, I can feel for you. My husband is now 11wks post treatment from stage T3N2M0 throat cancer. From when we first got the diagnosis we knew our lives won't be the same, our world crashed from one moment to the next,but we held on to knowing that we can beat this as our consultant explained that this was curable. We may  have cancer, but the cancer won't have us. The treatment was not too bad to cope with,at least not for the first half or so, just like your husband, mine started to get frustrated and angry as the side effects started to kick in,the dry mouth and thick saliva,with the caughing on top of that,is the most down side. Always being tired and fatigue made me upset as we missed time when he could have food via his PEG and he's lost a lot of weight. For me to see how he's changed especially physically ,is hard to come to turn with. Not able to take the pain away. Yes I find myself crying at times when he's asleep,hating everything, wondering what have we done to deserve this,when will get it better etc., but I find telling  myself ,that this makes things worse and have to tell myself this will go better,light is at the end. When we got told that this will have a long recovery, they were right. As hard as it is for the both of you, patience is the key, you will go two steps forward and one back at times. At this point my husband still is having trouble swallowing, as his throat is still sore,his speech is slowly coming back,also longer conversations are painful,so if your husband can already eat, I envy you. We had our first CT after treatment. I was more nervous, we do have a brilliant team behind us,I phoned the clinic a week or so afterwards, in bits crying,asking wether the appointment for that follow-up could be brought forward to go through the results as we couldn't wait, and they did.(thank you team). We can now cary on healing,knowing that those results were looking promising. Keep talking to each other,if you both need your space,is nothing wrong with it. But hold on to that things will get better,also it's slow. Don't give up ,stay strong.. All my best wishes. From a fellow wife . X

Ty!  Was his hpv associated?  

Hi Debbie, so glad you are doing fine, stories like yours give me hope. My husbands journey is only just beginning, but I am looking more positive now then maybe a few months ago.All the best. Mel x

Ty my husband refuses to talk w anyone. His main cause of the frustration and anger is the eating. There are a very few things he can taste. What he can taste he’s tired of he wants a steak, a real meal. Not eggs or cheese or ramen noodles.  He’s afraid he will not get his taste back. 

markmac said:

 He’s afraid he will not get his taste back

He will. It just takes time. Will he read your posts and the replies on this forum?

I tell him about all the replies. What scares him is when ppl tell him the no taste can be permanent.  I tell him that won’t happen. I really hope it doesnt

Hello, I have to agree, my hubby is the same,the taste will come back, slowly, some of the taste might not be as strong as they used to be, at least that what we got told by our clinical team,CT and RT messes up people's body differently. Hugs Mel x

As far as I can remember it is not, at least I can't see it get mentioned in his diagnosis.x

markmac said:

What scares him is when ppl tell him the no taste can be permanent.

Can I ask who? Because that’s a pretty miserable thing to say and largely untrue. Very few people don’t get their taste back. 
I do sympathise. When I could eat proper food I treated myself to a McDonald’s with cheese. I don’t normally eat these but I just had a hankering for one. I could smell it and it was warm in my fingers. My brain thought it would be great too as I got some saliva in anticipation. It was bloody tasteless! I ate it with tears running down  my cheeks. I kicked myself up the bottom and told myself to be patient and better still to be kind to myself. By six months food tasted good, not all of it in HD but good, by a year I could eat a curry