"I know how you feel"

Hi SL65

First a huge hug and congratulations for getting through the treatment and beyond. What you are feeling is normal and spot on for somebody under as much physical and mental stress as you have had to endure. I'm astounded at quite how you've managed what you describe.

So many people write how nobody understands particularly as we most of us look fairly normal. After the ranting and railing at the diagnosis, the calm and acceptance of treatment you'd think we would have some peace, but that is the last thing on the menu.

So everybody here "Knows how you feel" so rant on and I'm sure lots of folk will be on to add their words of wisdom.

I'm not very wise... enjoying life but still battered but I can offer you this excellent article by Psychologist Dr Peter Harvey. 

It's a bit of a long read but excellent for you and your friends and family to share

After The Treatment Finishes - Then What?

Hi Dani

Thanks I have read that article - I think its totally brilliant.  And thank you for your kind words.

After I sent this I realised I need to be able to communicate with these people from an 'adult' unemotional place as they are all just doing their jobs/business people but I am feeling a bit too 'vulnerable' and finding it much harder to reign in my anger and upset with them.  All of which is actually quite appropriate - but me getting emotional doesn't help in any way to get them to do their job any better/quicker etc

Hi, SL65, you are entitled to have a rant, so have as many as you need.  I really can't add any more,  Beesuit  has already covered most of it, in her excellent post. And yes we do know how you feel. You seem to be doing well, so keep it up. All the very best to you and your family.

Regards Ray.

Hi SL65

Can't add much more to what Dani and Ray have offered except to say we're in a unique position on this forum in understanding how you feel as we've been through the treatment.  I find I can try to explain the physical effects of the treatment to friends and family but they still don't really understand exactly how it impacts us or what it feels like.

The article by Peter Harvey is a brilliant one for people to read to try to understand the mental/emotional side.  It certainly helped my husband have a different understanding.

People still make comments thinking they're saying the right thing which make me cross and frustrated but I suppose I'm just getting a bit thick skinned about it now.

It's still very early days for you having gone through the diagnosis and treatment and this is a good place for you to vent your frustration while you're still going through the physical and emotional recovery.

Incidentally, we were also just embarking on a massive building project which caused a huge amount of discomfort and disruption just as I was finishing treatment.  Not the best timing.  I did find myself explaining to workmen etc that I had just finished treatment and therefore I was very much under par and found for the most part they were really helpful.

Be easy on yourself.  Take care.

Linda x

It's good to be able to rant - we all need to once in a while.  And on here at least people do understand what you've been through with shared experiences.  So feel free to rant safely.

I guess we all have our own stories of well meaning people who want to say the right thing, but somehow totally mess it up.  It is not really their fault.  I cope with it by being open with people and (mostly) nicely telling them how I do feel.

Now my rant is that I hate people who open emails with "I hope you are well..." even when they know I have a cancer!

Maybe we should have a therapeutic thread on rants

Hi Ranting snd venting is perfectly fine. As much as we love our family’s they do get fed up with my mouth is sore I’ve another ulcer etc etc. Friends mean well but as Peter Harvey’s article states When treatment s over ...... only as we know treatment over but there still a long haul ahead. 
Rant whenever you need to 

Hazel xx

Hi SLJ65

You have found exactly the right place to have a rant as everyone here knows just what you are talking about.

It takes some time to come to terms with the emotional side of recovery after cancer, some manage faster than others.

Everyone concentrates so much on the physical recovery after cancer but they don’t tell you about  emotional recovery.

On top of that currently you have all the other things which are stressful enough as individual items. Home schooling, Covid, living in a building site that is taking ages to complete. It is enough to challenge anyone’s resilience without the cancer thing thrown in for good measure.

In my experience I have found people are usually quite uncomfortable if I tell them about my cancer experience. They don’t know what to say and often say something unhelpful. I weigh up very carefully whether I need to tell them because of the sort of responses I have had in the past.

One lady who was trying to lose weight and did not know I was a year in from my recovery said in a berating way ‘you people who are so thin don’t know how hard it is to lose weight’.

 It was in my working environment and she was one of my clients so I had to think very carefully what to say even though I thought to myself ‘if only you knew what I have just been through, losing weight was just a side effect that happened in the most unpleasant circumstances. I can think of lots of other ways I would rather lose weight. Maybe this is one diet you wouldn’t want to follow.’

But I didn’t say anything as I knew it would make her feel really uncomfortable and on my part be unprofessional in a working environment.

On the positive side at least I was able to get back to work and continue on until I retired 6 years later.

That being said, there is light at the end of the tunnel emotionally as well as physically and the ups become more than the downs over time.  That happy feeling does come back.

Best of luck with the building and I hope that  you are soon living in your lovely, comfortable newly renovated home and can look back at all this as a bit of a ‘blip’.

Lyn x

Hi Again SLJ65

I did not mean to diminish the way you are feeling when I used the word 'blip' in my response.I need to retract that word. What I meant was, that in hindsight when you are a long way on in your journey you will look back and see this moment as a passing experience.

Best wishes with your ongoing recovery

Lyn x