I posted a couple of weeks ago about anxiety and crying , my husband has throat cancer, I saw my doctor and got some medication and was getting on top of things , we also have a son with learning disability and I just can’t give him all the attention he needs , I am just not mentally strong enough to meet all of his demands , I feel so bad as I have always put him before everything , my husband has still to start his treatment and I feel as though he is in denial and is smoking and drinking more , I just want all this to be over , what do I do
Hi Curlywurly
What a horrid place to be in
Your husband is probably scared witless and being in denial is his way of coping. His drinking and smoking is all he has to hang on to.Try not to get angry with him but you must put yourself and your son in a safe place to be able to deal with all this.
Linda is spot on with your contacting Macmillan to see if there are organisations to help you. It might be worth giving Al-anon a ring too.
Can your GP throw any light on services to help with your son? It might be worth approaching them
Your husband is going to need a lot of support as he goes through his treatment.
Does he have a clinical nurse in place already? You could contact her to ask his oncologist to read him the riot act over his behaviour.
These are all things to consider.
The forum is down over the next few days as it's getting a revamp but please do come back.....Wednesday night I think.....
I'm sure there is more sage advice on its way.
Take care of yourself
Dani
Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019
Good evening curlywurly.com, im pleased you have seen your Dr and got some medication, please hang on in there i believe your husband is doing this to help him cope and would have been the sort of thing i would have done as i used to drink and smoke before my treatment and did not stop until i went for my first operation although i was on a treatment plan to help me cut back on smoking which worked as i cut right back to having two a day and have not smoked since that operation and my drinking is very minimal now. The trouble is both these are very addictive and are very hard to give up and its always better to stop gradually.Im sure the medical team know your husbands vices as they knew straight away with me so when i went in for my operation i was given drugs to help my body cope. Since 2008 i have not smoked and drinking is more of a treat now rather than a necessity so hopefully, when your husband has the treatment he will stop with the help of drugs plus drinking and smoking will become very difficult during treatment because of the side affects . If your husbands team does not know about your husbands dependencies then maybe it should be mentioned although it should be on his records, i personally feel he will need help. I never lecture people to stop smoking and drinking etc as i never listened when people mentioned it to me,i wish i listened now.
Maybe you could speak to someone about your sons needs as im sure there would be some form of help out there. I hope that once your husband has had the treatment things will change for the better as you sure do deserve it . Wishing you all the best, take care.
Chris x
Its sometimes not easy but its worth it !
Morning
Im really glad you’ve got some medication to help with the anxiety.
Like others have said, your hubby won’t be able to continue to drink and smoke for long so I’m thinking an extra few days might not be so detrimental to the overall prognosis and outcome.
Its clearly his crutch and he needs that right now.
You will all get there in the end but it will be a bumpy ride with highs and lows.
Sending hugs hugs 
Sharon xx
Sharon xx
Hubby - Left tonsil squamous cell carcinoma P16 positive with neck nodes T1N1M0 - 30 fractions of radiotherapy and 6 weeks of chemotherapy, Cisplatin in December / January 2019/20
Me - Invasive lobular breast cancer - Grade 2, Stage 2 - mastectomy October 2019 - 15 fractions of radiotherapy December / January 2019/20
