My mum had an Oesophagectomy 2 years ago and since then it has been a difficult road but she has been relatively stable. Cancer free but she had a lot of difficulty with eating, weight loss, and generally feeling exhausted. She was very active with gardening etc prior to this so it has all been a huge adjustment and I think she has felt like her body is not the one she has known.
Anyway, she ended up back in the hospital for the past 2 months ish due to extensive gagging and difficulty breathing etc. That was all ‘dealt’ with so to speak with multiple scans done throughout which had all consistently been coming back clear. However, she had to return to hospital due to some persistent pain she was having in her lower left side.
We have spent the past week under the impression that it has been a kidney infection and so relatively easy treatment with some antibiotics to clear it. However, I have just been with her at the hospital as the doctor came and told herthat they have found cancer in her ‘kidney and lower spine’ and are looking at chemo and radiotherapy.
I was very close to passing out in the hospital as it was an enormous shock especially when we had thought it was something so simple left bothering her and that she would soon be back on the road to feeling better. I also had the rather horrific task of telling my brother and dad when I came home.
Now I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen or what any of it means. Trying to resist googling as it can often trigger some spiralling for me. I feel selfish even writing about my feelings when she is going through this but she always puts on an incredibly brave face in the midst of it all.
I pretty much went deaf after the first sentence from the Dr and cannot remember anything else at all what was said. There is a multi disciplinary meeting tomorrow which I’m sure will discuss treatment options etc but I cannot help fearing the absolute worst.
I am very close to my Mum and in my 20’s and so I very much still feel like I ‘need’ her so really struggling to cope. I have had anticipatory grief and anxiety ever since she was diagnosed so can’t see myself handling this particularly well.
Looking for some support, similar stories. I want to know there is hope but need to figure out how to cope if not.
Not such a happy new year for me but I hope others looking for support are having a good night.
