Supporting dad

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Hi - my dad has oesophagos and spread into his stomach cancer - first we thought surgery but they found a nodule in his lung so now it’s chemo.  He has had 3 lots of chemo and two immunotherapy now and I pray it is working.  We are all trying to support him as much as possible but do appreciate we are not in his shoes.  The thing is that is has become very intolerant and angry with a lot of things and he is being difficult to be around at times which is so hard.  We have tried to talk to him to explain what he is being like - as he is being very rude to some people - and he can not see it.  Is this the medication - or because he is scared and angry at the diagnosis. I don’t know what to do to help him. 

  • Hi ..I would suggest contacting  your Dad’s specialist nurse and have a chat with her regarding your Dads temperament..It could be a mixture of things really ..

    My husband was particularly temperamental when he was on the steroids he had during his chemo treatments but it may not be the same for your Dad .

    Hope things improve soon 

    regards J 

  • Hi X24

    It is a very very difficult time for you all, and Dad has so much going on at the moment, mixed with feelings of "who knows what" it could be , Why me, or what's the point, or I just don't know how to handle this! but I think it is really important that people around him give him some tenderness and understanding, even when he is being intolerant and angry.  

    It may help if your Dad contacts the Macmillan team, they may be able to help him, but if he does not feel that he is doing anything wrong, it may just be that you will have to point it out to him, at the time it is happening.  

    My husband has a similar diagnosis, but instead of the stomach, he had liver and lung mets...  diagnosed in May 2020 he started on FLOT chemotherapy, and moved on to Immunotherapy after about 2.5 months. Hopefully Your Dad will handle this treatment well, and have positive results with it, and begin to feel a little like his old self again soon.      


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  • I’m sorry your husband is going through this awful journey too.  Hope to get a scan soon to see what’s happening with the chemo - so we are all praying for good news from that. 
    I may suggest he contacts the MacMillan team - see how he responds.  I do empathise that he is probably scared, angry, feeling awful etc but he is fighting with the world to deal with almost but not in a pleasant way.