Telling your Grandchildren

Hi Normal4Norfolk, A warm welcome to the Community, I'm Tony one of the Community Champions, I have been through it with my Children although all middle aged and the eldest Grand Children, mine started with my Laryngectomy Cancer which would mean a drastic change to my appearance and other issues, my Wife and I waited until everything was confirmed and basically just waiting for all the follow on tests etc. They all suspected that something was wrong as we asked them to come to the House and we talked to them, they all understood, the eldest G/Children also took it well, so when I was told the second cancer the same as yours 12 months later it wasn't hard to tell them, I also worked through the OS cancer treatment so they thought all was well and it was until the last 2 Radiotherapy treatments and then it hit me, I declined RT and Chemo after my Lary op which was lucky else they wouldn't have been able to have cured my OS cancer.

I'm sure you will bet full support from them all, especially if you have your treatment plan you can explain that to them,the following may help if you have time to read it

https://cdn.macmillan.org.uk/dfsmedia/1a6f23537f7f4519bb0cf14c45b2a629/17662-10061/mac5766-e05-talking-to-children-teenagers-20260306?_gl=1*4q0eyy*_gcl_au*MTg0OTA1MjUyMy4xNzgyNDYzNzEzLi0uLS4xNzg2NTUwNjkzLjEwNjQ2MjI4MzUuMTc4ODE5MTE5My4xNzg4MTkxMjE5*_ga*N2NhZTM0ZjEtYzIyNC00MTU3LWIwM2UtMjFjMDkyN2M3ZjFi*_ga_2J203BPENT*czE3ODgxOTA1NDkkbzQ1JGcxJHQxNzg4MTkxMjE5JGoyNCRsMCRoMA..*_fplc*R2pIVGcwd2Z1VDlTT2NxZ0FpcHdpWmRTUXVRZmwxbnBHcTFLbnZ1eHpHRTRRQ0c3ZThqTXc0dExSeSUyQjJoM3NPTEJ2S2R4T3VNMHZzUjBPTVBWQ1FqMG1KdFBjeFUlMkYyUDhIbkF1U3hrc1IyOWJsc3pxT1dRSzJud1paUTB3dyUzRCUzRA..

Hope all goes well, Take care, Tony

Thank you Kasvin, very helpful information.  I sincerely hope you are in a good place right now.  Remission perhaps ?   I wish you well

My two grandchildren struggled at first but they are so much younger, 5 and 10.  It was never a question of shall we tell them for us it was all about explaining in a way that they could understand it and then being available to answer any questions.  I think one thing to consider is that at some point your grandchildren are going to notice physical and mental changes.  This disease asks a lot of us as you know, and if you have to go down a chemo or surgical route they are going to find out anyway.  I think its all about timing and allowing them some time to absorb the shock and come back with questions, your grandchildren will want to support you and show their love for you.  Let them in at their ages they will understand more than you may imagine.  

Regards

Richard

Hello again,

Last night my son called me to say he hadn't told them.  My grandsons were together, albeit briefly as they went off and did their own thing.  Eldest grandson, 21 in a coupe of months went back to where he works in Lancaster. Middle one was at his girlfriends and youngest was at home.  So much for telling them when they were together.  I am sorely tempted to send each one a text message, but that would be going against my son.  What would you have done in my circumstances ?   

Hi, It sounds your between the devil and a hard rock as they say, I'm going to say I actually would say to your Son the facts of the treatment you are going to receive, you haven't mentioned that yet but if it's chemo and radiotherapy you are going to need as much support as you can get because the Rt will be daily trecks to the hospital and you will be losing weight and the children will notice immediately, I lost 20 kg.

The elder ones are surely old enough to accept the situation, but obviously I'm not in your position and also don't know the family, I didn't hesitate to tell my elder ones and they understood and sent me daily texts asking how I was

I really feel for you sounds a difficult situation but only you can can the final one 

You are between a rock and a hard place but your grandchildren should be part of your support network and keeping them in the dark is not a good idea. In fact they will resent your son if they find out down the line that he is the reason.  Yes they are going to be upset but just delaying it holds no value.  When you say that you are going against your son I think that you are being too kind, its you that have the cancer and its you that are stressing.  Like Kasvin I get lots of comfort from whatsapp messages, texts and calls.  Also its your way of reassuring them.  Think more about what you need in this situation. 

Regards

Richard

Thanks again.  I have re-read your story with amazement.  I hope your health hasn't caused an  more problems.  You have been through so much.  For your information, I will be having just the radio therapy.  It is for 3 weeks, 5 days  week.

Before I got my diagnosis, I was a little underweight and have always been slim. I must try to build myself up before treatment.  I can't afford to lose any more weight.   

Tonight I will wait to see if my son has done anything and if not, I will probably text them myself.  

Bless you Kasvin, you are a real trouper.

You might be hearing from me again before too long.

Warm wishes

Angela