hi! my dad is 60 and was diagnosed with eopshagael cancer in february. at stage 3 i believe?? (sounds crazy that im speculating- but we've not been allowed in to any of his appointments since covid and when he found out he had cancer he shredded the letter) he does not talk in stages. but i do know its the stage where the lymph nodes are flinging it around the body.
he has been fortunate enough to qualify for treatment chemo/immunotherapy/a stent- and a 2nd stent pending - because unfortunately his heeds to connect more to his stomach. they should be calling this week hopefully but its bad timing because i cant really see anything happening before christmas. he can drink and eat a custard/soup but he brings it back up and also his appetite is really poor. hes losing 8kg a week. he was 3xl now hes a medium. its so sad. we are so desperate to build him back up. but aslong as hes hydrated the hospital dont see him as an emergency case for a 2nd stent.
he wants to die now. all he lived for was eating/working/driving/buying dvds and the prospect or retiring-he cant eat, can no longer work, too weak to drive now, sees no point to add to his dvd collection and most likely won't make it to see or enjoy retirement. he won't reminisce about anything because hes too sad- but he cant look to the future either. its like sharing a room with a ghost. my auntie recommended he speak to macmillan but he does not want to speak about how he feels. its a generational think, i know people have broken down these walls but he is never going to be the type to get on the phone or computer and talk to anyone. he's really stubborn. if we press him too much he breaks down in anger- and we have to be careful incase he has a heart attack.
covid has stopped a lot of people from ticking things off their lists of what they've always wanted to do and experience. we was able to take a trip to great yarmouth in october and it did him the world of good. he was sprinting along the streets quicker than any of us. was even able to eat a bit of fish. but since we came back hes gone downhill really fast. feels there's nothing to look forward to now. everyday is torture for him-- ive never realised before how every other advert on tv is food. i cry so much for him, food was his everything. i feel there's nothing i can do or say to him to make him feel any better. all i try to do is invest in his everyday comfort (new warm clothes that fit him) but he screams at us for wasting money on him.
our perfect situation right now would be he gets called for the stent as a day patient (because with his last stent he had to be rushed to hospital severely hydrated, had to be stabilised for a few days until he was fit for the procedure so he was in there nearly a week in total--- he said never again.) / he gets a bit of an appetite back, he can have an extremely small taste of things he used to love and we make delicious new things for him to try soups etc. /restrictions ease up so we can take him on a few mini breaks (im thinking an air b&b somewhere just for a change of scenery) but hes just so weak and dizzy now. he refuses to walk anymore either. and i know ill NEVER understand how he feels inside, but i do have a Stepper which i bought myself to do more steps in lockdown. it works even if you're lying back in a chair u can just move your feet up and down and it has good resistance for working your muscles but he won't even do one. screams at me if i pester him about it. but i know if you dont use it you lose it but he has 0 motivation to even try to improve things. which i can understand if you've lost literally everything you lived for in one foul swoop.
anyone else going through anything similar they'd like to talk about or have any advice? thank you for listening xxx
Hello Sunflower,
It is a really difficult thing to write your first post on a site like this one, but I am really pleased that you chose to do this. I know this is the last place you would like to find yourself, yet it is definitely the one place where you will receive support and understanding. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you to watch your Dad waste away and not accept any help from you, when you are desperately trying to do everything you can to assist to make him well again. Yet Dad has so many of his own emotions that he seems to be struggling with, the diagnosis has obviously been a total shock to him and what ever it is he has been told by way of diagnosis seems to have left him believing that there is little hope. (am i right in my understanding of your words?)
As you do not have the information on the type of oesophageal cancer that Dad has, it may make it even more difficult for you to get your head around? Since my husbands diagnosis I have spent as much time as possible researching the adenocarcinoma tumour and what we can do to fight against it. I don't know how you are coping with the knowledge that your Dad wants to die now, I think you are so brave to reach out here, and I hope that you will get several more posts of support and advice.
Have you had anymore news?
Dal was given a supplement drink which is called Fresubin, this was prescribed by the dietician and he did not find it either too sweet or sickly, although in fairness as he could not eat at one point and he knew he needed to get the calories down, (As Bernbe has also mentioned) he drank it anyway, 4 a day.
Dal was diagnosed T3N3M1 with secondaries in liver, lung and lymph nodes, advised that his prognosis was months, or months and months. Even now we are aware that his specific condition even with treatment has a poor prognosis of just over a year, but he is a fighter and he has so far amazed his oncologist on how well he is reacting... He never had a stent, we focused on smoothies made with foods high in antioxidants, we done a huge amount of research and he was fed things that previously he had hated, but he knew why, and he did it.
I hope that your Dad can find his why, I hope too that he realises that although you are not the person who is ill, you are going through this with him, if you are able to talk openly together about your true feelings surrounding his diagnosis, I would hope it would help you both move forwards and combat it together.. I know the talking side of things is not for everyone, but how ever you manage this together, I wish you the very best of luck
Lowe'
