Hospice/palliative care..... what next?

Hi Deb, I’m so sorry that you have received this devastating news, however it may not mean the end is imminent. Although there may be no more treatment it doesn’t always mean the time is near. Get an appointment arranged with the palliative care team who will be able to give you more information about possible time scales and how best your dad can be cared for. We weren’t lucky enough we only met the palliative care team a few hours before my husband died but they were as supportive as the could be considering the extremely sudden deterioration that happened. Get as much info from the professionals as possible it will help you deal with what is happening. Unfortunately I only had a few hours to prepare for the worse but getting support in place you will hopefully find out what is happening. Sending all my love at the horrendous time. Helen xxx

Hi Helen.  Thank you so much for your reply and I am sorry for the loss of your husband.  I am trying to find out as much as I can today.   The consultant gave me the Oncology phone number to call, I think he knew I needed to know more information.   I am hoping somebody will also contact me today from the care team but I know how busy these services are.   Take care and thanks again x

Deb1o

I hope that you managed to get through to the Oncologist and that you get the answers you need very soon.  Thinking of you and your Dad at this difficult time...

I know how hard it is not knowing, needing some answers   I  hope you get yours

Lowe'

HI Deb. I too have just been told that my dad is terminal and has been sent home under the palliative care team.. I'm at a loss ad to how to help him too.?

Hi Lilactoffeehorse,

The shock of a terminal diagnosis is in my opinion one of the worst things I have had to take on board.. Husband was given this diagnosis in May 2020, I am so sorry to hear that this is also what your Dad has been told.   I hope you don't mind me saying that Terminal does not mean immanent, I say this because when we were first given the prognosis I reacted as if tomorrow was D day, and if my Husband didn't call me to say he was up whilst I was at work I would go home dreading what I might be walking back home to.  

I am not sure what your Dad's diagnosis is...but..remember, if you can..every second of every day matters, for you, for me, for all of us... there is something about a terminal diagnosis that makes us appreciate that even more.. but we still have time to make memories, to laugh, to cry and to communicate. 

Wishing you both love and strength.

Lowe'

Thank you ever so much for your replies and it does help to know that you're not alone,  but still I am sad for you all.   So Dad is at home and is deteriorating.  He has struggled with bile and constipation and the fatigue has set in which he is really struggling with.   I now know that the cancer has spread to lungs, lymph nodes,  6th rib and spine.   Thanksgiving he has no pain.   Mentally he is not good.   He has gone from a very active 84 year old to looking and feeling his age.   We don't laugh much now (not surprising) but do cry a bit and I can honestly say I have never been as close and I do feel lucky to be spending this time with him.   I have learnt who he is and all about his life.   I know its hard at Christmas but there is never a good time to lose a loved one.   Christmas is just another day but the grandchildren will get us through it and there will be no guilt if we laugh (generally followed by tears) .  One tip.  If the hospice is involved with the care they should give you a contact number and if you need help please use it.   I had a melt down on Monday and they were amazing.  I spoke to a call handler,  then a nurse who sorted medication out immediately.  Please use them as they are there for carers too.  Love and best wishes to all xx