Mum's treatment/prognosis

Hi there,

I’m just reaching out to let you know that the feeling inadequate and having no family really hits home with me. I’m also working full time and caring for my dad (51) at home as he had to move in with me after his stage 4 terminal brain cancer diagnosis. He’s completely lost his appetite and everything tastes bad, in bed almost all day and getting pressure sores because he favours his left side for leaning and sleeping  

It’s really hard work emotionally more than physically because I feel like I’m leaving him home alone all day while I work but I don’t have any other choice because the bills still need paid. I worry that I’m not doing enough or that I’m missing something that would help. But I’ve read all I can and been at every hospital appointment and I guess the reason I’m reaching out is to say have the difficult conversations with your mum. Dad and I have just chatted about what he wants to do (he’s not left the house this year except for hospital appointments) and he knows he’s dying and he’s happy chilling in the house with a nice whisky and a smoke. He’s said he’s treating this as a holiday of a life time, the weathers not as good but he’s in holiday mode. And I cried, because I’ve stressed so much that I’m failing him and he’s actually been having a decent wee time to himself and doesn’t see anything I’m doing as a failure. 
And I bet your mum will tell you the same, you are moving into a time in your life where you are the mum and the daughter and I bet she’s super proud of you. She’s made her choice not to know but you can certainly ask her why or speak with her about why you would like to know what’s happening. Open conversations about death are so difficult but can be so enlightening too. Maybe she’ll find out to ease your stress. But most importantly you need to look after yourself, stress does crazy things to the body and mind. You are doing the best with the hand you’ve been dealt and I hope you can see that and take comfort knowing you’re doing all you can for her. 

I hope you can get some answers and some help

Hello Jamo13, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. That sounds incredibly tough for both of you. Have you asked any of his team about whether he qualifies for CHC funded care to support him through this period? Or whether Macmillan/district nurses can offer any at home support or a sitting service? This sounds incredibly tough on you both physically and emotionally. 

I do think you're right, and I am going to speak with mu mums GI nurse (who honestly isn't particularly supportive or helpful) just to find out how long she might have left with us. Mum has been hoping they will cure her, as she's had cancer 3 times before and has beaten the odds. I don't think that's the case this time, and though she might not want to know, I feel like I need to know.