Hey everyone.
I was diagnosed with cervical cancer on Monday. Its been like an emotional rollercoaster since. My adult daughters haven't spoke to me much since I told them. They are mad at me because I didn't go to my smears the last few times. I know it's my own fault but I can't change it an its not helpful to me now. I'm not good at asking for support it's taken since yesterday for me to write this. Thank you for reading.
I didn’t tell my daughters when I was having tests-I waited until I’d had a cancer diagnosis and knew what my treatment plan would be. That way, I was able to tell them what would be happening and it saved them from worrying even more, as I could say that I’d been told by my doctor he was treating to cure me.
I hope your daughters will come round in time-I’m sure it’s been a shock for them to hear too and they need to get their heads round it. If this is an early cancer it should be very straightforward to deal with, so hopefully you’ll be able to reassure them once you have all your results.
Sarah xx
I have anxiety too…now diagnosed as ptsd so I can understand how difficult it is to deal with.
I hope everything can be removed when you have the LLETZ and that will be all that’s required. The tissue removed during the procedure will need to be sent for analysis, so there is a wait for the results of that to ensure that they have got everything, but hopefully you’ll be able to move on and tell your daughters that everything is fine.
All the best for the 27th! I hope you’ll let us know how you get on.
Sarah xx
Sometimes other peoples’ reactions are just because they’re scared, and they want to focus blame somewhere. Our own family are concerned and worried when they hear the word cancer and can think all sorts-usually some worst case scenario which is rarely the reality.
The main thing is that you’ll be getting treatment done, and it will hopefully be all that is needed for you. I’m so glad you were able to FaceTime your girls and hopefully give them some reassurance-we want to protect our kids no matter if they are adults or not! I know I was the same and hated having to tell them I had cancer.
I’ve had quite a lot of counselling for my mental health which has really helped me, so I hope you’re getting support with yours too-the mental aspect of cancer is tough enough without having to deal with existing issues as you are. Let’s hope things are going to be better now with your daughters.
Do you have someone to come to your pre op and Lletz appointments with you? I went in alone for my biopsy results but didn’t take everything in, so after that I took my partner to every single appointment as support and an extra pair of ears!
Sarah xx
But you are NOT to blame. If anything is to be blamed it’s the hpv virus which has caused changes to your cervical cells. Any person who has been sexually active in their lives, even just once, can pick up the virus and it can’t be cured so there isn’t any treatment for it. There can be a real stigma about having hpv, even nowadays, but most people will have had the virus, male and female, ant some point in their lives and likely not even known about it.
It’s the first thing that’s tested for when you have a smear test, and if you test negative there is no further examination of our cells. That doesn’t mean you don’t have the virus as it might have been dormant in your system at the time of the smear test. You can still have cervical cancer with a clear smear test.
A smear test is not a test for cervical cancer-it’s a test for hpv and if that is positive then the cells are tested for any abnormalities. Some people with the virus don’t have any abnormal cells and others do. We have just been unlucky. One of my friends was completely up to date with her smear tests but developed some symptoms of bleeding and 6 months after her most recent clear smear test was diagnosed with stage 2b cervical cancer-the same stage as me.
Please try not to blame yourself, and encourage your daughters not to blame you either.
I’m glad you’ve got a friend who can go to appointments with you-it’s good to have company and support when you’re going through this. It can be a good idea to make a note of any questions before your appointment and for your friend to make notes. It can be very hard to take in what you’re being told when there’s a lot of information coming your way. And don’t be afraid to ask for things to be explained to you-we are patients, not medical professionals, and often don’t know or understand medical jargon.
Sarah xx
I’m glad to have been able to help you even a little bit today. I can still remember vividly getting diagnosed and the guilt and shame I felt at first, until I started to talk to others online. I don’t feel that guilt and shame nowadays and I hope you’ll come to feel the same way in time.
I know now after all these years, that my cancer was not my fault, and I had a couple of friends in real life I thought were blaming me-it was so unhelpful when I had just been diagnosed and had the completely normal feelings of fear and anxiety that this diagnosis brings.
The friend I mentioned is someone I met online and she’s doing fine-more than 7 years after her original diagnosis. Obviously I wasn’t quite so lucky as you’ll know after reading my story, but I’m still here and still well in terms of having recovered from surgery and living my life.
I remember my partner asking some questions I hadn’t even thought about in some of my later appointments-I was usually desperate to get out of the room because of my anxiety! But it was so good to have that extra help with things who was calm and practical.
Thank you for the hugs-they are always appreciated, even over the internet! 
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Sarah xx
