Having trouble telling people, having trouble NOT telling people

Hi Lulabell

We all have different methods of coping and dealing with telling people I think. For me, I told my family after I had my treatment plan in place, and was able to say that my team was treating to cure me. For me, I needed to have positive things to tell them. 

I told some very close friends-really not many- and then made a kind of “announcement” on Facebook after my first line treatment had ended when I rung the bell. All I said was that I’d had treatment for cancer.

But everyone is different, and that’s ok. Very few people in my life know what type of cancer I had, because that was my form of control when everything else was out of control. Very few people know even now, because I see it as my personal business. But some people might want to announce it everywhere and become an advocate for this cancer, I respect that, but it’s not me. The critical thing, in my opinion, is to be comfortable with how you deal with it-that’s really all that matters.

Sarah xx

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Hi Lulabell,  I only told my family after I knew exactly what we were dealing with.  I told nobody at work other than management who I had to tell and that was all really.  I allowed my partner to tell a couple of close friends and family so that he had people that could support him.  Very few people knew in the beginning but back at work now and I think it's common knowledge that it's some form of cancer but I don't mind that.  I think it's good to wait until you have more information so that you can tell them all the positives too. xxx

Thanks Snobird,

It's so nice to hear from you and know how you dealt with telling people. I know I need more information, as I don't have a treatment plan yet. The reason I need to tell my mum now is that I was planning on going to visit her (I haven't seen her since Feb as I live abroad) and now I won't be able to go as so many tests to do etc.

I'm worried about her reaction, she's elderly....

Thanks again for replying, 

Lulabell

Hi Lulabell

My Mum was elderly and very frail when I was diagnosed with cc in 2017.   She lived some distance away from me and i usually visited her every 2 months.  After much agonising I decided to start by telling her I was having some minor gynae investgations/procedures and that I would have to postpone my visit because I was feeling tired.  So that bought me a bit of time and I was able to fit in a visit about a month after my hysterectomy. 

Then I had chemo-radiotherapy so I made another excuse about needing some further gynae investigations so again that bought me some time and I managed to fit in another visit not too long after my chemo-radio.  I was always aware that a situation might arise when I would have to tell Mum the whole truth but as it turned out I didn't and she passed away none the wiser.  I don't know if the 'buying time' approach would help you? our circumstances are all different.

Thanks for your reply Beth2. It's really helpful to hear how other people approached it all. 

I'm not great at keeping things to myself (they are always written all over my face) so I don't think I could do what you did, but on Sunday I broke it to her as gently as possible, 

Thanks again